Breakup led me to question whether I'm poly or not

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drewprosch88

New member
I was with my married boyfriend for 1.5 years and we just ended our relationship this week because I wasn't sure if I'm actually poly or not. I started dating my current boyfriend in July and really fell hard for him. That naturally affected my other relationship, but this breakup has been really hard on me.

My married boyfriend was/still is a huge positive force in my life so it's really hard to cope with that sense of loss. My current boyfriend isn't poly and has been really supportive so far, but it's obvious that the breakup is difficult for the both of us. I feel like I need to talk about the breakup, but he's obviously not the right person to let things out to. And by that, I don't need to spill all the details, but I want to talk things through as the what the future might look like.

I don't know, I'm just confused because I always thought I was poly, but then I met my boyfriend and felt like I wanted to be monogamous again. I'm sure at some point I'll go back to wanting to be poly, but I'm all sorts of confused and deeply saddened right now.

Another thing that kind of hurts is not really having a lot of people to talk about it with because I feel like a lot of people in my circle saw my relationship with married man and not real our authentic when it was very much so.
 
drewprosch88 said:
Another thing that kind of hurts is not really having a lot of people to talk about it with because I feel like a lot of people in my circle saw my relationship with married man and not real our authentic when it was very much so.
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Often, married people find much more authenticity outside of their marriage relationship because there are not all of those everyday life expectations, pressures, responsibilities and inauthentic "roles." These "real self" relationships are indeed often minimized, but that doesn't make them minimal. Good that you know how authentic and important this relationship is/was for you.
 
Perhaps you could look at your situation differently. Consider that maybe it isn't all that important whether you label yourself poly or not. What is more important is whether you are happy, satisfied, and nourished by your relationship(s), and if you are able to give, receive, and feel heard and respected with the people you care about. Let the relationships in your life take shape naturally and don't worry about whether they, or you, can be filed under some category. Grieve the break-up, and find joy in the new.
 
Hi drewprosch88,

I am sorry about your breakup, and hope I for one can provide you a listening ear so you can talk about it here.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
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