Business trip-- need a kick in the a$$

W

westVan

New member
I don't know what I'm hoping to get from posting this here. OK, honestly, I'm hoping that someone will give me a good swift kick in the a$$ and knock some sense into me.

I have a business trip coming up next week to where my ex lives.

We haven't seen each other since we broke up. I'm not going to blame anyone for it, because that doesn't solve anything. I'm just trying to move past it. It's been a few months, but I am still hurting and recovering. We've had a few emails back and forth.

But to make a long story short, I will have to see him on this trip, for business reasons.

He has asked to see me privately. I said we could ALL meet for dinner, his wife included. I can't/won't meet him alone. But he wants to come back to my hotel room to "talk."

Someone please impart your wisdom so I can find strength not to go down that road again with him, because I'm afraid I don't have it right now.
 
Just say no.
 
It wasn't meant to be. You guys broke it off for a reason, if not several. Remember them. As masochistic as this may be, remember the pain from that break up and use it to prevent yourself from seeing him. You got this!:)
 
You can't and won't meet him alone. So don't. You are still hurting and recovering. Seeing him alone in your hotel room to "talk" would not improve your mental/emotional health and well-being. He can push your limit, but your limit is stated. You could expect yourself to obey your own limit. Just play the broken record--

"Sure, we can all meet for dinner at (public space), but no, I'm not willing to meet you in my hotel room."​

He can call you stubborn, a pain, a drag, a purple elephant, whatever, to try to cajole you to go past your own limit. The answer? Play the broken record--

"I am not willing to meet you in my hotel room. Keep this up, and I'm also not going to want to meet you and your wife for dinner."​

Take the path of least stress for yourself.

If he actually did things like that, he'd be bullying to get his way. But don't let him derail the conversation so you have to "prove" to him how you are not a purple elephant by going against your own willingness. You have nothing to prove to the ex. You know you aren't an elephant.

You are in charge of yourself, and what you are willing to do at this time. Just keep stating your boundary like a broken record. And if you know yourself, and know you are weak around smooth-talkin' smoothies, just withdraw your willingness to even meet for dinner. You are not ready/healed enough yet to go there if it is causing you this much mental/emotional stress.

Keep the trip all business this time. It could be something else next time. Who knows? Just take it one trip at a time.

You are responsible for yourself and keeping yourself out of optional stress. This is optional stress, not stress that just comes with your job. You don't have to be doing bonus stuff with him after work. It's not mandatory. You don't have to be doing anything you are not willing to do. Set and obey your own limit.

GG
 
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This will probably come off harsh, as I'm in a foul mood (different story, different day).

If I recall correctly, the breakup was mostly about this same guy not fighting for you and letting his wife call all the shots, interrupt your rare, shared time together and other rules/demands.

This guy doesn't deserve you!

I get it, different relationships have different rules, set-ups, structures, whatever! If it works, great. But when the rules hurt others and can't be renegotiated???

If he's that kind of man in that kind of relationship with that kind of person than truly YOU DO NOT WANT HIM.

It sucks if he was really awesome at sexy times and/or made you feel loved and special at times. Wear your ugly underwear, dress in something professional and not sexy... I don't know. Just remember how you deserve someone who's their own person and if they're in a relationship, in a secure-enough relationship to deserve the wonder that is you.

~Delph
 
Well you can't CALL someone an ass, but you can refer to their butt-cheeks as a three-letter word.
 
Thanks

Granny panties it is. :) Thanks everyone, just what I needed. I have come to a point where I know when I'm not strong enough. If I do have to do a dinner, it will be with everyone in the company, not just him and his wife. But I'm thinking of taking my BFF and doing some tourist stuff (museums and galleries) while there, so I keep busy.
 
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