The approach we've always taken is to take things a day at a time and to keep communication open. (On my end, this often means pushing my strongest emotions and blowing things up to put them back together.)
Sometimes TIME is the necessary factor. Growth and maturity don't happen overnight. But we're currently conditioned to run the minute we think we are unhappy.
These days, the majority of our prickly times MUST INCLUDE this: "I don't like how this feels but I'm feeling it and I need you to hear where I'm at. Let me be here. Let me feel this. And let's see where it goes."
And if my husband simply says, "I'm still here, I still love you, and I'm hurting because you are hurting," we are automatically in a better spot for growth. Usually it isn't a simple fix. Usually it isn't a major behavior change that needs to occur. Most often it is more a matter of acknowledging that multiple desires come with multiple feelings and not everything is comfortable all the time.
But when things are good, which they very much are and can be more often, the complications feel like a beautiful part of the trust tapestry. Sometimes we look at our complicated connection and cannot help but be blown away by its grit and strength. And when those moments hit, fuck, it is such a powerful thing and also a turn on.
