Comment overreaction

I am not trying to pretend that I know him better than you. But pointing out that his behavior doesn't sound distracted by "ooo shiny", it sounds focused on you and hurtful. Particularly the comparisons. Your not being good at something as someone else is not at all gushing about her, it is a comment on you.

It is possible he is thoughtlessly entertaining himself by poking you as he has lost sight of your value in his life and will regret and make amends if he realizes that his cheap thrills are hurting a real person he allegedly cares about. But if that doesn't happen, please stand up for yourself.
 
I can guarantee you that this guy is not someone who would be deliberately cruel like that, either poking me or being focused on being hurtful. Not a chance. Not to me, not to anyone.

I think he's just literally not thinking about why this is a sensitive subject for me, at all. Just about why this is an exciting new subject for him and he's happy about it and wants to share it and doesn't get why I wouldn't be just as happy about it. And again, tired, bored of me, busy, and in NRE with someone who is genuinely amazing. Hell, even I love the metamour and I've been given fair reason (IMO) to be a small bit jealous anyway... Hopefully talking will fix it or at least give me more options or information.


Starlight- two years or so.
 
Cannotthinkofausername said:
I'm hoping that if I bring it to his attention he'll either stop, or we can have a discussion about the relationship.
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You're on the right track. A frank discussion of expectations should help both of you find your bearings and decide what needs to change.

Don't let the "dump him!" alarmists distract you. It might end up that ending the relationship is where you decide to land, but only you can know if that's the right way to go. We are only getting a fraction of the story and that is being filtered through our own experiences, so take our opinions with a grain of salt.
 
Yeah, gotta say that in posting advice to people in their situations, one must feel out where the poster is, because they are not likely to just take our advice and run with it (nor should they, since we're basically strangers on the internet.) You have to ask yourself whether your message is going to land on fertile ground.

This poster is not in a "dump him" place. Regardless even if ALL of us said "DTMFA" she would just get defensive and leave the forum, most likely, or argue about why she isn't gonna do that. That's where she is at.

As Marcus said, maybe she'll land there eventually. But maybe not. Right now she's trying to make it work. So, we can be encouraging in that.

However, I think it's good to confirm that this behavior, hurtful as it is, is no bueno and needs to change...that's a good call. We're all on board with ya there. Hence, communication. "I have this boundary. You're crossing it. Stahp." Then you see...does he stop? Does he not? Then you know if he's being NRE high and oblivious, or deliberately jerky. OP says he deserves more chances, and she is gonna give him those chances regardless of what any of us here thinks about it. That is clear. So, how best to do that?

OP, best of luck in your conversations, I hope that you can make your point peacefully, that it is received and understood and that he is able to adjust his behavior towards you accordingly. I'd love to hear back on how things go.
 
So we discussed it and he has stopped doing it. It took him a little while- he started trying to compensate by comparing with things that were favorable to me, which was still not okay (not unfavorable to other partners, just 'these are these things I like about you' etc).

But that seems to have stopped once he got why I was still upset despite it being favorable.
 
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