tealheron11
New member
Hi All,
I started writing this last night, got interrupted by a phone call, and lost the whole thing.. LOL. I guess I was meant to write it differently.
I want to thank all of you who have helped me with all my serious changes/transitions related to my relationships. If you don't remember or are unfamiliar, my last post was this thread (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107652).
Things are pretty much the same since last week. I still am talking to both husband and BF daily, still visiting BF in Nov (can't come soon enough). Still alone in my new place and haven't met anyone but am not really in the mood. Focused on work and adjusting and feeling super introverted. I still have insecurities about losing BF, but pretty self-aware of them and how they impact me, and I've kind of told him this, more or less.
Something very ironic and funny (both haha funny and weird funny) happened this weekend. BF has been on tinder looking for potentials and matched with a woman. I guess they hit it off, and he called me to tell me what happened. Turns out, she is also poly and married!! He thought it was ironic and funny, but also he was kind of frustrated in a humor filled way, and said stuff like "am I destined to just date poly women?!" It was pretty funny though. I can't help but admit, at first when he was telling me about talking to someone, I felt nauseous and insecure but once he said she was poly, I felt my heart leap and I got VERY excited about it. I truly DO want him to find companionship, affection, someone to have fun with and spend time with over there. My fear has always been he'll find someone and settle down and I'll be kind of "pushed out" which is the whole reason i need to go out there and talk to him about everything. He is kind of nervous about it for a variety of reasons which I won't go into, but he is staying open to go meet her. I felt compersion welling up and of course I had to tell him. And secretly, I want this to work out so well!!!! If she wasn't poly, of course I would feel differently and I hate admitting that. But she doesn't feel "threatening" if that makes sense. It would be an absolute dream if they clicked, he could get his needs met, and I could stay in the picture. I know that he says deep down he is more traditional, but I've always kind felt like he is more non-monag than he says he is, so maybe this is the beginning of a new transition for him, but I'm not going to think too far ahead. I just want them to have a damn date and I want them to like each other. Obviously I'm sure I'll have different kinds of feelings of jealousy, but not the fear based, loss based ones. I hope I am making sense.
It felt really good to be excited for him instead of worried for me. I know this is still coming from a bit of a selfish place, because I want to be able to stay in his life as a lover and partner. I hadn't ever had compersion for him yet (only for my husband) so it was generally nice and I got very worked up afterwards and couldn't calm down or sleep well, LOL. I haven't really talked to him since he told me this yesterday so I'm a little concerned about what's going on, but I have faith i'll hear from him eventually. In terms of things with my husband, this doesn't change that at all. Still looking toward divorcing, not because of other partners, but because of shifts in values and what we want in life. I do feel though, if BF finds someone to meet his needs, it takes pressure off that serious talk that is coming, and might make him more amenable to temporary long distance while we figure everything out.
Please send good poly vibes our way!
I started writing this last night, got interrupted by a phone call, and lost the whole thing.. LOL. I guess I was meant to write it differently.
I want to thank all of you who have helped me with all my serious changes/transitions related to my relationships. If you don't remember or are unfamiliar, my last post was this thread (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=107652).
Things are pretty much the same since last week. I still am talking to both husband and BF daily, still visiting BF in Nov (can't come soon enough). Still alone in my new place and haven't met anyone but am not really in the mood. Focused on work and adjusting and feeling super introverted. I still have insecurities about losing BF, but pretty self-aware of them and how they impact me, and I've kind of told him this, more or less.
Something very ironic and funny (both haha funny and weird funny) happened this weekend. BF has been on tinder looking for potentials and matched with a woman. I guess they hit it off, and he called me to tell me what happened. Turns out, she is also poly and married!! He thought it was ironic and funny, but also he was kind of frustrated in a humor filled way, and said stuff like "am I destined to just date poly women?!" It was pretty funny though. I can't help but admit, at first when he was telling me about talking to someone, I felt nauseous and insecure but once he said she was poly, I felt my heart leap and I got VERY excited about it. I truly DO want him to find companionship, affection, someone to have fun with and spend time with over there. My fear has always been he'll find someone and settle down and I'll be kind of "pushed out" which is the whole reason i need to go out there and talk to him about everything. He is kind of nervous about it for a variety of reasons which I won't go into, but he is staying open to go meet her. I felt compersion welling up and of course I had to tell him. And secretly, I want this to work out so well!!!! If she wasn't poly, of course I would feel differently and I hate admitting that. But she doesn't feel "threatening" if that makes sense. It would be an absolute dream if they clicked, he could get his needs met, and I could stay in the picture. I know that he says deep down he is more traditional, but I've always kind felt like he is more non-monag than he says he is, so maybe this is the beginning of a new transition for him, but I'm not going to think too far ahead. I just want them to have a damn date and I want them to like each other. Obviously I'm sure I'll have different kinds of feelings of jealousy, but not the fear based, loss based ones. I hope I am making sense.
It felt really good to be excited for him instead of worried for me. I know this is still coming from a bit of a selfish place, because I want to be able to stay in his life as a lover and partner. I hadn't ever had compersion for him yet (only for my husband) so it was generally nice and I got very worked up afterwards and couldn't calm down or sleep well, LOL. I haven't really talked to him since he told me this yesterday so I'm a little concerned about what's going on, but I have faith i'll hear from him eventually. In terms of things with my husband, this doesn't change that at all. Still looking toward divorcing, not because of other partners, but because of shifts in values and what we want in life. I do feel though, if BF finds someone to meet his needs, it takes pressure off that serious talk that is coming, and might make him more amenable to temporary long distance while we figure everything out.
Please send good poly vibes our way!
