Covid precautions and couples privilege

[tdh]

COVID is and is not couples partner privilege. Single/new partners are clearly at a "don't breathe on me" disadvantage with covid where as having dinner without a mask, kissing and other things will be default allowed in the Pod. That is just fact but also a privilege newbies will never get because they don't have the trust.

First, does Chris actually acknowledge the real risks involved? Your pod seems to have some acknowledgement and are thinking this is worth the test run but Chris doesn't seem to. This would be concerning for me.

Second, she has the least amount of power in this situation and she knows it. Chris is the new and trying to stake some claim to being a equal partner but also has not earned the trust to be a full pod partner. It is hard for her to deal with that and you and your pod, with the power, to make sure your respect and acknowledge and reach an agreement with her that everyone is satisfied with. You are trying but it is hard to be reasonable with a known deadly virus present.

Third, would both you and Chris consider the CDC guidelines when it comes to intimacy. I love...I mean LOVE kissing and it is one of my favorite partner activities. But as a single person trying to think how to date (1 year single with no partner is about reaching my limits because of the pandemic) I have asked, "What is my risk?" For me, I can't get a women pregnant so not a risk, HIV and STDs I know the precautions, but COVID...wearing a mask during sex, not being able to kiss or look into her eyes because non-facing poses and glory holes are CDC recommended...that is tough. My intimacy would be hard to get to. So for you and Chris and the group be stricker (CDC like) as first with an agreement to negotiate as you get to know each other, understand the full risk and/or the vaccine becomes more available to allow more like this kissing and quarantine?

Hope this helps in your thinking on the issue

 

[MeeraReed]

I can see where Chris is coming from on this. You are trying to figure out how to protect your pod from Chris' potential exposure, but you haven't even mentioned what you will do to protect Chris from potential exposure from your pod. From her point of view, your pod with another couple might be risky for her (especially if she doesn't know your wife & the other couple--what have they done to earn HER trust?).

You say that Chris "unfortunately isn't quite as strict" with quarantine or something to that effect. But you have provided no specifics. Does she need to go to work at a high-risk job, but your pod works from home? Does she go to the grocery store, but your pod orders Instacart? Does she have children going to school? Is she doing eldercare? Or is she doing a lot of unsafe socializing? Or doesn't like to wear a mask? Or...?

I'm not sure why people think Chris is being irrational about this. I don't see enough specifics to make that judgment.

It makes sense not to want to date a new person during the pandemic. It's going to be risky for sure. But if Chris were an established partner already, you and your wife probably would have found a way to include her in your pod. Or at least found a way for her to have sporadic visits somehow. So I can see how Chris feels at a disadvantage.

She is definitely being cast as a outsider who will bring danger/risk to the in-group. There's a pandemic, so there is a logical element to that...but on the other hand, risk goes both ways. Instead of approaching it as the group vs. Chris, it might be better to discuss with Chris what her risk level is, who is in each of your pods/bubbles that you would each be putting at risk, who has health complications, what things each of you could do to lower your risk levels, what are the logistics for each of you getting COVID tests before a visit, how you could each quarantine before and after, etc.

Also, if you actually want to see Chris, you can also consider broader options. Like, could you and your wife stop seeing the other pod couple for 2 weeks after Chris' visit? So that at least that couple wouldn't be exposed? Or, could your wife go to stay with her other partner at the other couple's house for 2 weeks? So that only you take on the risk from Chris? For example.

If you don't know Chris very well or don't really feel like you need another partner during the pandemic, or if her covid-related behavior is truly unsafe, then it makes sense not to see her. But if you actually want to...I think you might need to broaden your horizons about your safe pod vs. unsafe outsiders.

I can understand not wanting to add a new person in a new household to your pod right now. How do you even have a first date with someone if it involves disrupting 3 households and sending many people into a strict quarantine, for a date that might not even work out?

But I can also see how you have a lot of couple-privilege (or pod privilege) here. If you were single, you might be willing to take on the risk from Chris for yourself, and you also might be lonely enough to be more excited by Chris. But as it is, you're all set in your cozy pod. Why would Chris want to date YOU under these circumstances?

 

[SEASONEDpolyAgain]

I can see where Chris is coming from on this. You are trying to figure out how to protect your pod from Chris' potential exposure, but you haven't even mentioned what you will do to protect Chris from potential exposure from your pod. From her point of view, your pod with another couple might be risky for her (especially if she doesn't know your wife & the other couple--what have they done to earn HER trust?).

You say that Chris "unfortunately isn't quite as strict" with quarantine or something to that effect. But you have provided no specifics. Does she need to go to work at a high-risk job, but your pod works from home? Does she go to the grocery store, but your pod orders Instacart? Does she have children going to school? Is she doing eldercare? Or is she doing a lot of unsafe socializing? Or doesn't like to wear a mask? Or...?

I'm not sure why people think Chris is being irrational about this. I don't see enough specifics to make that judgment.

It makes sense not to want to date a new person during the pandemic. It's going to be risky for sure. But if Chris were an established partner already, you and your wife probably would have found a way to include her in your pod. Or at least found a way for her to have sporadic visits somehow. So I can see how Chris feels at a disadvantage.

She is definitely being cast as a outsider who will bring danger/risk to the in-group. There's a pandemic, so there is a logical element to that...but on the other hand, risk goes both ways. Instead of approaching it as the group vs. Chris, it might be better to discuss with Chris what her risk level is, who is in each of your pods/bubbles that you would each be putting at risk, who has health complications, what things each of you could do to lower your risk levels, what are the logistics for each of you getting COVID tests before a visit, how you could each quarantine before and after, etc.

Also, if you actually want to see Chris, you can also consider broader options. Like, could you and your wife stop seeing the other pod couple for 2 weeks after Chris' visit? So that at least that couple wouldn't be exposed? Or, could your wife go to stay with her other partner at the other couple's house for 2 weeks? So that only you take on the risk from Chris? For example.

If you don't know Chris very well or don't really feel like you need another partner during the pandemic, or if her covid-related behavior is truly unsafe, then it makes sense not to see her. But if you actually want to...I think you might need to broaden your horizons about your safe pod vs. unsafe outsiders.

I can understand not wanting to add a new person in a new household to your pod right now. How do you even have a first date with someone if it involves disrupting 3 households and sending many people into a strict quarantine, for a date that might not even work out?

But I can also see how you have a lot of couple-privilege (or pod privilege) here. If you were single, you might be willing to take on the risk from Chris for yourself, and you also might be lonely enough to be more excited by Chris. But as it is, you're all set in your cozy pod. Why would Chris want to date YOU under these circumstances?

To me, Chris isn't being asked to do anything other than go to the date. It is the OP who has to do extra stuff to see Chris and that doesn't have any bearing on Chris.