breathemusic
Active member
Just want to make a note about Abby feeling like it's her vs you guys as a pair and she doesn't feel like she's part of the "us"..... you've been with your wife for years and with Abby for 6 months. OF COURSE there might be some differences in importance and priority. Maybe one day you'll feel like you want to split your time 50/50, or you love them both exactly the same amount.... but there's nothing wrong with having more history and a deeper connection with 1 partner over the other.
That doesn't give you permission to treat the newer other partner like shit (not saying you are, just noting the difference between a relationship that has grown deeper and deeper over time and one that is still new and growing). So yeah, she's the new partner that you're STILL developing a relationship with. She needs to accept that and deal with it. It's not your issue and it's not on you to feel exactly the same about a new partner as one that you have extensive history with. It's only on you to respect all of your partner and take into consideration your needs, their needs, and what needs can be met.
It's also on you to be clear to each partner what the relationship expectations are. If you agree that veto power no longer makes sense, that's fine. But if you and Jasmine are both on the same page that you still want your relationship to be the "main" on or the priority... what does that mean? Does that mean Jasmine can tell you when to cancel a date at the drop of a hat because she feels bad and you will? Or does priority only mean that you'll likely schedule more time with Jasmine as your nesting partner, but you'll still schedule things with Abby and respect her schedule and needs? Etc. Priority means different things to different people. And everyone needs to be on the same page. Including Abby.
That doesn't give you permission to treat the newer other partner like shit (not saying you are, just noting the difference between a relationship that has grown deeper and deeper over time and one that is still new and growing). So yeah, she's the new partner that you're STILL developing a relationship with. She needs to accept that and deal with it. It's not your issue and it's not on you to feel exactly the same about a new partner as one that you have extensive history with. It's only on you to respect all of your partner and take into consideration your needs, their needs, and what needs can be met.
It's also on you to be clear to each partner what the relationship expectations are. If you agree that veto power no longer makes sense, that's fine. But if you and Jasmine are both on the same page that you still want your relationship to be the "main" on or the priority... what does that mean? Does that mean Jasmine can tell you when to cancel a date at the drop of a hat because she feels bad and you will? Or does priority only mean that you'll likely schedule more time with Jasmine as your nesting partner, but you'll still schedule things with Abby and respect her schedule and needs? Etc. Priority means different things to different people. And everyone needs to be on the same page. Including Abby.