I'm making this thread to see has anyone dealt with married couple that is poly I'm currently dating a married poly couple and we have some issues in our relationship.. The married couple both work but different shifts the wife works days and the husband works midnight so I'm stuck in the middle I spend more time with the husband then. His wife does and that is putting a damper on thing and the wife is more into her phone then into me or her husband so if anyone has any advice please feel free to respond
Yeah she does act out that i spend more time with with her husband then she does.. Just like I told her husband it ain't my fault that she does not go in the room and wake up her husband when she gets home from work.... I just want us all to be on the same page in our relationship i don't know what the different letters mean just yet so if I could explain
Remind him and her that each dyad in the polyship is separate; that is, each relationship between two people (you and him, him and her, him and you, her and you) is unique. If the relationship between him and her is suffering, that should not be confused with the relationship between you and him.
Or you can find a couple with less insecurity and drama. If you love him, though, and he loves you...well, pick your battles
I'm new enough that I'm not going to try and define anything - I'll probably mess it up!
Welcome aboard!
FAL
--------------------------------
M - Me female, 59 - _trying_ to figure out if I'm poly
B - 56 - my husband for over 34 years
JP - 58 - my high school boyfriend, newly appeared in the picture after 38 years; very long distance; haven't actually seen him
A - 65? - JP's wife of over 30 years, who's not cool with things
Easier said than done, people tend to get incredibly stupid when one half of their relationship is in trouble. Projecting, transferring, cowboying, ignoring, etc. But it's a nice thought, even if in practice it's not generally fact.
I feel like their relationship is in trouble since I have been in the picture but I have asked over and over again and they both said their marriage is not in trouble
I feel like their relationship is in trouble since I have been in the picture but I have asked over and over again and they both said their marriage is not in trouble
It's called lying, wish fulfillment, denial or evasion. Lots of couples play pretend until it's too late to salvage anything. Sometimes fighting is warranted over real issues that were simmering long before you showed up (but unfortunately were sparked by the change you represent). Sometimes one of them turns into an idiot when they're feeling gushy over someone new. And sometimes the other spouse gradually builds resentment until they become unbearable. Anyway, plenty of threads on here are chock full of couple implosions sparked by a new person. Doesn't mean that'll happen to them, doesn't mean it won't.
But your gut instincts and feelings should be listened to.
I care about them dearly and love them to death I would do anything for them I honestly don't think their Marriage is going to end ... My biggest thing is that I moved from Michigan to Indiana to be with them. Don't get me wrong the wife gets an attitude over the smallest thing and that just makes her husband seems like he is snapping at her and he ain't.. The husband works from 11 at night till 7:30 in the morning and the wife works anywhere from 7 in the morning till about 3-5 o'clock in the evening so by the time the wife gets home the husbands is sleeping... And she says she don't get upset or jealous that me and the husband spend more time together and have more sex then they do
I care about them dearly and love them to death I would do anything for them I honestly don't think their Marriage is going to end ... My biggest thing is that I moved from Michigan to Indiana to be with them. Don't get me wrong the wife gets an attitude over the smallest thing and that just makes her husband seems like he is snapping at her and he ain't.. The husband works from 11 at night till 7:30 in the morning and the wife works anywhere from 7 in the morning till about 3-5 o'clock in the evening so by the time the wife gets home the husbands is sleeping... And she says she don't get upset or jealous that me and the husband spend more time together and have more sex then they do
Ouch, living with them, okay. That puts an entirely different spin on things. How long have you been living with them? How long did you date before you moved in?
OP, just have confidence that it is not your job to fix what is happening in their marriage. You have to tell them confidently in your role as equal partner to them, that their dysfunction is affecting your sense of security and they should 'sort it out!' If that means that they both make more of an active effort with each other than good, maybe they need to take some alone dates on their days off instead of being together as a threesome?
Ask yourself this also, why is she jealous that 'you' are spending more time with 'him' than 'him' spending more time with you'? Is this because you and her have a more secondary relationship or doesn't she value your relationship? This does not bode well for the future.
I'm not sure what the deal is with the whole jealous situation or what makes my girlfriend so upset with the whole deal that me and the boyfriend spend time together just like I said to both of them it's not my fault that she don't wake her husband up when she gets home from work he has told her time after time to to wake him so they can spend time together What I don't get is why would she say something bout me going thru their cell phone the husband don't care that I go on his phone or anything and I don't care if they go thru my phone I don't have anything to hide.. She says she don't have nothing to hide but her getting upset by me going thru their phone .i sit back and wonder what is she trying to hide from me.....
Why on earth do you feel you have the right to see what's on her phone? If you ask and she says "yes", then fine, but if she says "no" then you keep your nose out of her business and don't act like she's a bad person for wanting her privacy.
My policy is that if a partner doesn't trust me to the extent that they want to go through my private communications then I will let them do so, but from that moment the relationship is over.
The desire for privacy is not the same thing as "hiding something." It's the same argument people use to justify government surveillance (local and national). No thanks.
Just because I have nothing to hide doesn't mean I want my private conversations or thoughts or moments to be an open book to anyone. And what of her conversations with others? What of that person's privacy?
It's not jealousy either; It's a feeling that something close to me is being violated, and I won't agree to that. Ask me? Yes, sure. Just go in and do it? Nope. And a very big "nope" at that.
Now, if she agreed to that and she's finding she doesn't like it? It's time to reevaluate your agreements.
As for not wanting to wake up her husband to spend time with him? I don't know. Sounds like a discussion between her and her husband needs to happen (and since it's impacting you, then between you and the appropriate person).
I just go thru her phone at all I don't touch her phone at all anymore I feel like she is hiding something from me bit it's all good I may just be over looking thing.. Her husband don't mind me using his phone... It's whatever I guess I have trust issues since my husband of 3 1/2 yrs cheated on me and abandon his son 2 months after he was born
I'm afraid I can't tell from your last reply whether you are or aren't expecting to have access to her phone or whether you have previously accessed it without permission. Could you rephrase?
Everyone is an individual. Just because one person is OK with something that doesn't mean another person will be too. She is not her husband, so it doesn't matter what he allows you to do with his phone. Similarly, your trust issues do not oblige her to agree to anything she doesn't choose to agree to. You will find yourself much less frustrated if you stop expecting that it does.
There are so many other dynamics than just a triad. Unfortunately the hard thing about dating an existing couple is they are generally a package . So break up with one and you lose both
