Different kind of V

bookbug said:
May I ask what your first language is? Your English is really quite good for a 2nd language. :)
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Yes you may ask! And Thanks for the compliment. I live in europe, small country so outside my country it's normal to speak another language. Nobody will be able to understand us otherwise! Compare to other people in my country my english is not that good!

Also funny, my bf lives in a country in Africa. So this whole polyamory thing is very international for me. I see people here writing from america, Australië, etc. :)
 
This has been a very interesting thread to read and have found the responses informative. Revekah’s change in V and hinge from FMF to MFM sounds like the change in desire that my wife has expressed of late, so the dynamics challenges and insights are timely. I think that I’ll need to start a new thread or possibly a few to examine the specific issues my wife and I are concerned about before really going into them.

The very short version is we are a married mono couple who has long enjoyed roleplaying / cooperative story telling stories in which her female characters frequently become MFM poly V relationships. She has recently told me that she feels that she is poly wired and has been harboring the desire to experience in reality what she finds so satisfying in fantasy for the last four to five of our 18 year relationship / marriage.

Thankfully she has neither sought nor found what she seeks behind my back. She does not want to jeopardize our happy marriage in order to find what “strongly desires bordering on needs” in another man, but does want something that I’m not sure just what to call. She knows that I’m straight, but strongly desires to both be able to be with each man separately and also to bring all three together for non-sexual time, “puppy-piles” and ideally for cooperative sex focused on her, not man to man. Does this sound plausible in reality and do the FMF Vee’s here have anything like this? I’m guessing even if it is, that it is extremely rare within poly.

Respectfully,
-Cherub
 
I think you'll find it's very common in poly circles
 
london said:
I think you'll find it's very common in poly circles
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That's surprising to me! We have not been swingers, but thought that group (3+) activities were likely only found in that scene. As mentioned she very much hopes that you're right.

-Cherub
 
It is your relationship. If all parties are ok with it go for it. Do not worry about what is Normal.
 
Dagferi said:
It is your relationship. If all parties are ok with it go for it. Do not worry about what is Normal.
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Thanks for that advice Dagferi. From my so far limited exposure to the threads in this forum I thought it was exceptionally rare. Her concern is that she knows it is something that she very much wants, to the extent of making it a factor in who she'll consider in going from intial dating to going further with.

FWIW, I've already been surprised to see the number guys that have expressed interest in her at OKC that answer yes to a question she rated as very important to the effect of "Can you accept an open relationship?" I'm not sure if this is interpretted by the guys responding as it is only okay for them to see her and others or if they understand that she's ultimately seeking a serious MFM poly to poly-fi Vee relationship. She commented on her answer to this question that she is married and seeking for this purpose, but am unsure. I suppose that will become clear on intial communication or dates.

Respectfully,
-Cherub
 
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Cherub.. My advice to your wife is this... There are a lot of men on sites like okc that see women in open relationships as easy scores and marks. They are out for a quick and easy fling and will tell you what you want to hear. Or will be blatantly sexual from the get go.

Go slow and careful.

I too would love to sleep between my two guys every night. But there is no way no how Murf would go for that. Not even once in a while.
 
Cherub said:
She does not want to jeopardize our happy marriage in order to find what “strongly desires bordering on needs” in another man, but does want something that I’m not sure just what to call. She knows that I’m straight, but strongly desires to both be able to be with each man separately and also to bring all three together for non-sexual time, “puppy-piles” and ideally for cooperative sex focused on her, not man to man. Does this sound plausible in reality and do the FMF Vee’s here have anything like this? I’m guessing even if it is, that it is extremely rare within poly.
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Why would you think that is extremely rare? It isn't rare at all.

Many poly women are straight and have multiple relationships with straight men who get along as friends and even participate in threesomes together, though the men will focus on the woman and not have sex with each other. However, keep in mind that sex is not the primary focus of polyamory in most cases, and it takes time to find and cultivate emotionally satisfying, loving relationships - esp. if you're looking online.
 
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Dagferi said:
Cherub.. My advice to your wife is this... There are a lot of men on sites like okc that see women in open relationships as easy scores and marks. They are out for a quick and easy fling and will tell you what you want to hear. Or will be blatantly sexual from the get go.

Go slow and careful.

I too would love to sleep between my two guys every night. But there is no way no how Murf would go for that. Not even once in a while.
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Thanks for the advice Dagferi, I'll pass that along. She showed me a few of the profiles from guys who contacted her and with a critical eye suggested that this one appears to be evasive on there descriptions or answers to her questions and could be a cheater.

While part of me wants to see her truly happy with her wish fullfilled, a selfish part of me thinks that no other man is "good enough" for her and would not be dissappointed if taking things slow and evaluating guys with scrutiny means that she either waits a long time to find a truly suitable bf or that she concludes that no such man exisits and becomes content being mono in practice even if still poly-minded. Maybe that makes me some combination of overly protective or just greedy.

Respectfully,
-Cherub
 
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nycindie said:
Why would you think that is extremely rare? It isn't rare at all.

Many poly women are straight and have multiple relationships with straight men who get along as friends and even participate in threesomes together, though the men will focus on the woman and not have sex with each other. However, keep in mind that sex is not the primary focus of polyamory in most cases, and it takes time to find and cultivate emotionally satisfying, loving relationships - esp. if you're looking online.
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Hello Cindi, (also in NY?)

Why I would think this is my very limited exposure to the polyfolk to include reading posts on this forum. My guess was that swinging typically involves couples playing with other couples. Nearly all of the three person encounters that I'm aware of from popular media feature FMF and do not appear to impy a true relationship.

My wife's interest is not a quick romp but to me physically close to two men how both have a deep relationship with her. While she greatly hopes for sex as you described, she atleast wants to be close to both at once, which she describes as the key aspect of her "puppy-pile". I still wonder if Dagferi's guys are much more common who each want alone time with her and wouldn't tolerate the three togther? It sounds like you suggest this not so uncommon?

Respectfully,
-Cherub
 
Prior to ever knowing the term "poly" I was in an open relationship for four years.
I actually met my bf at work-at the same time as meeting his best friend.
Both were straight men and we regularly enjoyed time spent together with them sexually focusing on me.

In my current V-we have done the same between myself, Dh and Bf. However-I find that they are so different in how they operate in the bedroom-that I just get frustrated. So I put a stop to it.


But it certainly can work.
 
There are many many ways people get together and have workable polyamorous situations. Some like a poly tribe, some keep all relationships separate, and there are numerous variations in between. Some have group sex, some don't. There is no normal. There is no specific poly lifestyle. So, keep reading! One can't really say with any certainty that one type of configuration is more expected than any other.
 
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