Brief backstory: In 2011, I joined a couple that seemed tight, but ultimately was not. In all fairness, they did not understand the significance of their own issues. The wife, Lorelei, was a walking, talking apparition of cognitive distortions. She presented well on the surface. Put on a good face. But once a person got to really know her, it was apparent her grasp of reality was tenuous at best.
The Philosopher's only experience with women was with those who were like Lorelei. His own mother, an illogical mess, as were others that he'd dated. He thought that women just weren't very rational. Nonetheless, he loved his wife dearly.
When I entered the picture, I was a game changer: logical, reasonable, and even-tempered. He realized he felt far more comfortable talking to me than his wife who was unpredictably volatile and could be emotionally abusive.
I was gone for about year and they went through two marriage counselors before they ultimately separated and divorced. It will be two years in November since they separated. They have two children. Their mother told them I reason was the cause of the divorce, and that has contributed to keeping the Philosopher and I moving in slow motion, waiting for enough time to pass and the children to get old enough to doubt the veracity of her claim.
So we finally get to the nature of my query! I keep getting this push - pull phenomena from the Philosopher. It's like, don't get too close, but don't go too far. He talks about a future together, but it's always somewhat nebulous - like it is a pretty idea, but he doesn't really know how to get there. I made the comment to him that although he logically knew he could trust me, it seemed he didn't emotionally know he could trust me. He did not contradict me. I am in a seemingly perpetual state of limbo. Given that I have never experienced a divorce nor something that rocked my worldview as completely as this seemed to rock his, I don't really know how to deal with it. I am sure he is processing as fast as he can, but I am often left feeling a bit sad and resentful. Not so much at him, but at the situation. I have been trying not to add more stress to his situation than he is already enduring. But I am starting to wonder if by being so low-key, it is easier for him to not deal, to not move forward. I would welcome others experiences and insights.
The Philosopher's only experience with women was with those who were like Lorelei. His own mother, an illogical mess, as were others that he'd dated. He thought that women just weren't very rational. Nonetheless, he loved his wife dearly.
When I entered the picture, I was a game changer: logical, reasonable, and even-tempered. He realized he felt far more comfortable talking to me than his wife who was unpredictably volatile and could be emotionally abusive.
I was gone for about year and they went through two marriage counselors before they ultimately separated and divorced. It will be two years in November since they separated. They have two children. Their mother told them I reason was the cause of the divorce, and that has contributed to keeping the Philosopher and I moving in slow motion, waiting for enough time to pass and the children to get old enough to doubt the veracity of her claim.
So we finally get to the nature of my query! I keep getting this push - pull phenomena from the Philosopher. It's like, don't get too close, but don't go too far. He talks about a future together, but it's always somewhat nebulous - like it is a pretty idea, but he doesn't really know how to get there. I made the comment to him that although he logically knew he could trust me, it seemed he didn't emotionally know he could trust me. He did not contradict me. I am in a seemingly perpetual state of limbo. Given that I have never experienced a divorce nor something that rocked my worldview as completely as this seemed to rock his, I don't really know how to deal with it. I am sure he is processing as fast as he can, but I am often left feeling a bit sad and resentful. Not so much at him, but at the situation. I have been trying not to add more stress to his situation than he is already enduring. But I am starting to wonder if by being so low-key, it is easier for him to not deal, to not move forward. I would welcome others experiences and insights.