Hello everyone! I’m both new here and to polyamory and would love to get some advice on a situation I’ve found myself in.
Before I get to my current situation, I’ll give some background information about my relationship, which just came to an end.
I had been in a long distance relationship with a guy for a year before deciding to move halfway across the world to be with him. Since moving here, our sexual relationship has been steadily declining. Romantically (intimately?), however, it has been getting stronger, despite lots of issues that have stemmed from sexual frustration and incompatible conflict resolution techniques. We had been having more serious fights at the beginning of the year and I was beginning to worry that I had become asexual, which he couldn’t handle, so I moved out. Rather than breaking up, we decided to try being in an open relationship. Our first mistake, I now realize.
I was at first hesitant to date other men, and once I did, I found that I wasn’t really attracted to any of them, until recently. I started talking to a man and felt an instant attraction to him. We met in person and for the first time since I’ve started dating, everything went really well. We saw each other twice in the same week and I couldn’t keep him off of my mind - to the point that I couldn’t stay present when I was with my boyfriend. I didn’t know how to handle it, so I told the other guy that I thought things were moving too quickly. He agreed that things were moving quickly (not necessarily *too* quickly, though) and asked about my open relationship. I’m afraid I may have overshared, because he backed off significantly, which may also be because I expressed we should take things more slowly or because he’s been very busy.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend was growing jealous of the other man and I realized we can’t give each other what we need in a romantic and sexual relationship, so we decided it was best to break up. Now I’m faced with having to break the news to the other guy without giving him the impression that I’m unstable and dramatic. Essentially, I don’t want to scare him off once and for all, because I would like to continue seeing him - albeit casually for now, because I don't want to jump from one relationship to the next.
I was hoping to hear from people with more experience in open/poly relationship who may have had similar experiences about how to do it, because I’m feeling very inexperienced/naive/immature and I don’t want to mess things up any further than I may have already.
Thanks and sorry for the super long post!
Before I get to my current situation, I’ll give some background information about my relationship, which just came to an end.
I had been in a long distance relationship with a guy for a year before deciding to move halfway across the world to be with him. Since moving here, our sexual relationship has been steadily declining. Romantically (intimately?), however, it has been getting stronger, despite lots of issues that have stemmed from sexual frustration and incompatible conflict resolution techniques. We had been having more serious fights at the beginning of the year and I was beginning to worry that I had become asexual, which he couldn’t handle, so I moved out. Rather than breaking up, we decided to try being in an open relationship. Our first mistake, I now realize.
I was at first hesitant to date other men, and once I did, I found that I wasn’t really attracted to any of them, until recently. I started talking to a man and felt an instant attraction to him. We met in person and for the first time since I’ve started dating, everything went really well. We saw each other twice in the same week and I couldn’t keep him off of my mind - to the point that I couldn’t stay present when I was with my boyfriend. I didn’t know how to handle it, so I told the other guy that I thought things were moving too quickly. He agreed that things were moving quickly (not necessarily *too* quickly, though) and asked about my open relationship. I’m afraid I may have overshared, because he backed off significantly, which may also be because I expressed we should take things more slowly or because he’s been very busy.
Meanwhile, my boyfriend was growing jealous of the other man and I realized we can’t give each other what we need in a romantic and sexual relationship, so we decided it was best to break up. Now I’m faced with having to break the news to the other guy without giving him the impression that I’m unstable and dramatic. Essentially, I don’t want to scare him off once and for all, because I would like to continue seeing him - albeit casually for now, because I don't want to jump from one relationship to the next.
I was hoping to hear from people with more experience in open/poly relationship who may have had similar experiences about how to do it, because I’m feeling very inexperienced/naive/immature and I don’t want to mess things up any further than I may have already.
Thanks and sorry for the super long post!
