every branch

A

acid

New member
... let me tell you, i've hit them all on the way down

it's nice to meet you, everyone. i'm pushing 30, male, yankee roots but a southern address. my interests include robots

i started thinking seriously about poly back in college, when i read The Ethical Slut for the first time.

in that book was the only description of love that ever made sense to me. however, i joking refer to it as "the book the ruined my life", as even talking about poly has made my past partners very uncomfortable

most recently i've been with a wonderful woman, K, for 2 years. this time, i told her from the get-go i had no interest in being mono, not then not ever. she said she was totally on board (spoiler: this was not true). we've struggled with the issue ever since

i went mono for the past year as a goodwill gesture, but for the first time in a long time, i've met someone named J that i have genuine feelings for. she lives back north so we mainly keep in touch through social media. K is aware of her and loathes her. i had to head home for a wedding and i took the opportunity to see J. my partner did not like this at all

i realize i'm doing a pretty bad job. so that's why i'm here, to learn, get questioned, and figure out what to do


TL;DR i have relationship problems and i'm very inexperienced. i want to get better
 
Hang in there kid. I know there is successful poly relationships out there...unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to achieve such..but I'll let you know if I do!
 
Greetings acid,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Let's say you were at the top of the wisdom tree. ;)

You can't fix everything. If K is determined to hate polyamory, then hate it she will. I don't know of any magic words you can say to her to get her to change her mind. You could ask her why she hates it ... maybe some insight would come out of that.

What about J, would you move back north to live near to her? How serious is that particular relationship?

Whether poly or mono, you have to be able to have productive conversations with your partner.

Hope we can help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
inlove2x said:
Hang in there kid. I know there is successful poly relationships out there...unfortunately, I haven't figured out how to achieve such..but I'll let you know if I do!
Click to expand...

haha thanks man :)

i notice you're in TN as well? i've tried to a couple of poly meetups in Nashville but it was a mixed bag. the attendance was either older, more swinging-oriented, or unclear on the concept - one woman told us her primary partner had no idea she saw other men :rolleyes:

kdt26417 said:
You can't fix everything. If K is determined to hate polyamory, then hate it she will ... You could ask her why she hates it ... maybe some insight would come out of that.

What about J, would you move back north to live near to her? How serious is that particular relationship?
Click to expand...

K's last partner was an emotionally abusive black hole that cheated on her relentlessly - and then had the nerve to blame her for it. this is why i was OK with staying mono for a while, to let her heal. but despite my commitment to her and emotional / financial / etc support, she is still deeply insecure in herself and our relationship. i love and want to help her but i'm running out of things i can do

J is a remarkable woman in that she has survived and thrived after going through experiences that might've crushed other people. in that respect we relate well, and sexually she gets me in a way no one else ever has. we met many years ago but we only connected after i'd moved away. she's really cool but it's very early and i want to figure things out with K before making long-term plans with anyone else
 
You're a good man, working things out with K before anything else. I don't suppose K would be willing to get some therapy? It sounds like she could use it.

Are you and K married? Is marriage one of the things K wants in the relationship?
 
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