Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

Thanks ladies! I had another good couple of days. Monday was my first official full-length Astronomy class and the weather was wonderful. I was able to get the kids outside to look at the sun with a telescope. (There's a filter.) Even though we're sliding down toward solar minimum, there were several good size sunspots for us to look at, and I had two different size eyepieces to swap out and really get a close up view of them. It was awesome. Only one of the kids was completely unprepared for class, and as this is his first-ever class, I think he has a better idea now as to what is expected of him. He still participated and had info to share, so that was great.

Today I woke up next to DarkKnight early but ended up having real good sex with PunkRock around 11:30 am. It was one of those sessions that went on for a while and was just full of unexpected fun! After showering, we had wings for lunch at a pizza place, and then he dropped me off at the game store. I spent a good part of the afternoon trading some models, organizing my bags, and I now have the My Little Murder Ponies based with the riders glued on. Hopefully I will have time tomorrow night to create wings for two of the horses.

I got two games in on this new WarMachine campaign that the group is doing - omg was it fun! I won one easily and lost the other just as easily. Lol The shop was actually pretty full all day with players. When I arrived there were two other players and by the time I left there were maybe 6? We were all playing the new narrative scenario where the battle is in a snowstorm with low visibility - it really affected game play in a fun way.

One of the players has been texting a lot with my daughter over the last few days. Like 5 hours one day, 3 another. He wanted to ask my opinion because today apparently she didn't say much but he was relieved when I told him she was actually out applying for jobs and had an interview at the time he had been trying to reach her. He was like, I don't want to text her if she's not answering - she might think I am desperate! I had to laugh because that thought is not something my daughter would worry about. Lol When I got home around 9 pm, she was actually talking to me and he had texted her then. She said that she liked talking to him, he gave good advice, but he *might* be a little too religious for her. He had asked her if she believed in God and she had told him yes, but that she hadn't been to church in a long time because her parents (me and DarkKnight) are non-believers. He apparently tells her to pray for advice from God about her job search, etc. She said it's a little weird but that she has friends that are the same way, so it is something she is used to responding to. Anyway, as of right now she is ok with it. We will see. I am happy to be there if either of them need to have me listen but I am staying out of this burgeoning relationship as far as anything else! Right now they haven't met in person so I have no idea if it will even go anywhere.

PunkRock and I watched 3 episodes of a TV game show with my daughter tonight, on Netflix. It is hilariously terrifying! It's called Hellevator. Seriously watch it if you never have! I think it is the 5th episode that is the best but they are all great. Not great like in quality television though - great as in haha oh shit, I would totally piss myself if I did this game show because that is hella scary. And not scary for any level headed people, but horrifying for people like me who jump and startle at every little noise. Lol

Tomorrow I have the first official Astronomy class for my second group of students - one already messaged me a few times tonight about the homework, asking if they really had to answer ALL of the questions. Haha homeschoolers leaving stuff to the last minute and not realizing that they actually have to produce in my classes! It's all good though.

Oh wow it's almost 1 am. I should shut down this phone and go to sleep!
 
I woke up today, so happy that I was able to sleep in this morning. Then I rolled over and looked at my phone - 7 am. UGH! Oh well, at least DarkKnight didn't disturb me when his alarm went off at 5:30. I don't remember it happening, anyway!

After a little bit of being whiny about it (there was no one around to hear me) I went downstairs and have been camped out on the couch since. I got a "good morning" text from Greg at 8, and then we chatted for a good half hour. He's being a really good friend lately, but I am still hesitant to meet up with him. I don't feel ready for a new relationship yet. He hasn't pressured me or anything, so that is good. He's just been upbeat and constant about checking in on me. So that is nice.

After talking with him, I spent some time ordering groceries online, and I just finished that up. Pick up this afternoon at 2 pm! Most of it isn't even meals, just odds and ends that we always need - crackers, cereal, lunch meat. I will have to put another order in for dinners but I am not motivated at the moment. Ordering reminded me that I need to update my paypal account and have it fund from my new checking account. I haven't done that yet.

I am trying to think of something poly-related to talk about, but my life is so normal, I don't know what to discuss! Um...I had some down sort of feelings last night before bed and I was thinking about WarMan. I miss him sometimes. I was overly tired though, so I think I was out of sorts because of that, more than anything. How's that Gotye song go - "you're just somebody that I used to know." Holy shit, I just googled the lyrics.

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember
You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

Yeah. That. Wow.

Anyway, that part of my life is actually going ok. I found a subreddit the other day called ExNoContact. It was interesting to read. I think I am doing much better than a lot of those people. That's not poly-specific though, that's just me dealing with a break up.

Uh, yeah. I don't know. My life has actually slowed down a lot. I am not having to be as vigilant with my calendar. It is so easy to juggle two guys! It's funny, because everyone tells me they have no idea how I do it, but when I now only have to do a two-person calendar, it is fucking easy as shit! It's either PunkRock or DarkKnight, on again, off again, one or the other. And since they don't have other partners, I don't have to stress about the schedule at all! They both have events and activities on the calendar that don't involve me, but the dialing down from the insanity of 3 partners is amazing.

Oh! We finally have PunkRock's car scheduled to be repaired next Tuesday. I am bummed because I wanted it done this week, but the shop didn't have any openings until then. Still, there is an end in sight when it comes to sharing one car!

Things coming up: My next big expense is going to be a trip to NYC with DarkKnight. A friend he has had for several decades is having a surprise 40th birthday party. He has known this chick forever, and we are Facebook friends. I've met her in person a couple of times. She was his first kiss, and they were really close while in college. She's married and has two twin boys in first grade, I think? Anyway, they live in north Jersey, so we are going to go up on a Thursday evening, stay in a hotel, and then spend all day Friday in NYC. Her party is on the Saturday, and then we will drive home Sunday. I am excited because DarkKnight has never been to NYC. I have been there lots, because I used to run my city's Fresh Air Fund, when I lived in Western NY. The trip is in November.

PunkRock and I have a family wedding to go to right before Halloween, but that is local to the Baltimore area. his cousin is marrying his long-time girlfriend. We haven't received the official invite, but apparently it was mailed and then returned for a bad address? I don't know. He's been messaging with his aunt, and it should arrive soon. I am not sure if I will be buying something new to wear or not. Depends on the time of the wedding.

I am also going to take a driving trip up to where I used to live in NY, to Canandaigua, sometime in the next couple of months. The kittens I am fostering have to be re-homed, and my daughter's best friend wants one. Plus, I have a friend in Ohio who wants one as well, so I will take a road trip to drop them off. My niece's birthday is in October, so I am hoping the timing will work out so I can be there for that. Maybe PunkRock can go with me on that trip - DarkKnight definitely won't be able to because his vacation days are all spoken for, unfortunately.
 
I have had a headache all day long and just generally feel ugh. I stayed up super late last night reading a John Grisham novel I bought at 2nd & Charles for $2 - The Testament. I used to be a huge fan, but I stopped reading him for some reason and it's actually awesome to rediscover an author and find 6 or so books that are now all new to me! :) Anyway, I started reading it in the car last night while I was waiting to pick up PunkRock from work around 9 pm, and I finished it in the wee hours of the morning. I slept in until 11 am! Haven't done that in a while! I didn't feel well, so I just rolled downstairs to the couch and started reading a second book - The King of Torts - and I just finished that too.

Doses of Advil haven't helped my headache, so I just took a shower with DarkKnight. I actually turned him down for sex because I am just generally feeling crummy. Not sick, just ugh. The shower helped a wee bit, but the headache is still there. I'm dressed now but I am pausing to write here before putting on my makeup and such for tonight. PunkRock, DarkKnight and I are going to play Call of Cthulhu again. I don't want to miss it, so I hope this general malaise disappears soon.

Good news on the kittens! They had a checkup yesterday and they tested negative for FeLV. They all received their first distemper shots as well. 3 of them are over 2 pounds - Penny, Jambi & Pee Wee - and that means they are ok to go get fixed. However, rabies shots can't be given until they hit the 3 month mark, so that means I'll wait to have the spay/neuter done til then - October 4. Miss Yvonne is weighing in at 1.9 pounds and Cowboy Curtis is 1.6. They should be up to 2 pounds for sure by then, and at that point they can all go to their new homes. Jambi & Penny have places to go, but the other 3 are still available. If we can't find anyone who wants them, we will start transporting them to Pet Smart and PetCo adoption events on the weekends.
 
I had a great time last night - DarkKnight, PunkRockAwesomesauce and I went to the local game store and played Call of Cthulhu with some friends. It was kind of crazy, because you need to sign up ahead of time, and they only allow 8 people in. A couple we hang out with didn't show, and actually WarMan had signed up, but he didn't show either. So, we could have had more people there, but because they were lame and didn't cancel, we were short. However, the DM was able to grab some regulars at the store to fill out our group, so it all ended okay. But seriously, it's a huge pet peeve of mine for people to sign up and then not show. It's rude AF, honestly.

Ok, well, what was cool about this game was that the story line took place the day after the Battle of Antietam, which is just up the road from where we live. I was a young, wealthy heiress who was secretly involved with the occult - to the point that I had actually caused this massive carnage to take place outside of the town. DarkKnight was a newspaper journalist who wanted a wife and thought I had potential, and PunkRock was a newspaper photographer whose wife had recently died of consumption. (Both of those extra facts were private info to them only.) My character had the hots for PunkRock, which I found hysterical, because the way it was worded - he is quite handsome and you entertain thoughts of having him serve your pleasure. Naturally, after the kind of pleasure you practice, he will have to be sacrificed to Yog-Sothoth.

Haha, right?! I spent the entire time trying to get him alone but he'd flirt and then evade me. I had no idea his wife had just died, otherwise I probably would have focused on DarkKnight's character. lol Anyway, it was a lot of fun. DarkKnight was bitten in half by Yog-Sothoth, who is this giant hell hound. So that was enjoyable. :) I can't wait until the next one!

Today, DarkKnight and I had some fun sexy times and then we decided to go have a picnic lunch at a new little park in our city. It overlooks Antietam Creek, and there's a really large butterfly garden, that was absolutely full of beautiful flowers and tons of different butterflies. We split a sub and a dill pickle, and some mac salad. It was quite warm out, and sunny, so after eating and walking around, we decided to beat feet and come back home where there's air conditioning.

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OMG TIRED. I almost didn't go to WarMachine today because I was just so freaking exhausted. But, I hauled myself over there to lose a game and hang out with a few friends for a short bit.

Good news - my daughter was hired yesterday at Dunkin Donuts, and she starts training tomorrow. She's very excited and I'm happy.

Last night I had good sexy times with PunkRock but when I tried to get him to fuck me this morning, he was too sleepy. This made me feel sad, but I told myself it had zero to do with me and everything to do with it being early in the morning. I'm like, lady, you got laid twice yesterday, and both times were fabulous. Stop being whiny. I was still whiny in my head though. I did manage to fall back asleep, but then I had nightmares. I woke up and then spent the rest of the day tired. :)

I've read two more John Grisham books the last couple of days - The Last Juror and...I can't remember the name of the other at the moment.

I just printed out a bunch of quizzes for my two Astronomy classes, but I am too exhausted to want to even remotely look over them. I had a texting back and forth this morning for like a half hour with a parent of one of my students - and the mom is a friend as well - and she is really happy with how things are going so far. Her son is the one kiddo in our co-op - when I was involved with co-op - that I was always willing to steal. If there was one child I would kidnap, it would be him. :) Anyway, we talked about some of the challenges he is having with class, and things that she is noticing he needs to work on, that aren't anything to do with the course, but skills that she is now seeing as knowledge gaps that my class has brought to her attention. So that was interesting.

I have to leave her shortly to pick up PunkRock from work. I am feeling too tired to drive, really. Tomorrow we will have his car towed and then it will supposedly be repaired finally on Tuesday. That date can't possibly come any faster!
 
Car problems make life so much more interesting. Moog just got his new Fusion after totaling his Focus a few weeks back. But our van started having issues last Friday. Even a couple days with one car between us was so not fun. Hoping to hear back from the mechanic tomorrow that it's not something like the transmission. But I'm not holding my breath.
 
Yeah, we've been able to easily swap the one car around, but it is aggravating to have to do all the time. I am glad his vehicle will be back on the road in a short bit!

I woke up today at 3 am, and ugh, no reason at all why. I had all sorts of thoughts running through my head, things that are not important or even issues, that my brain was magnifying and making into problems. I'm like, what? I mean, one thing was that I had a dream about buying a house, and in the dream, a friend of mine was going to move with us. She couldn't make the walk through, and sent her husband. He and I got in a fight about which rooms would belong to them. I woke up and just kept worrying about how to best divide up the house. This completely non-existent house, in a non-existent situation. Then I started getting worried about my brother using heroin again (he's been clean for almost a decade, I think) and what if he wanted to move in and his girlfriend left him because he was using, and then we had trouble making the mortgage payment? Again, there is no way any of these people are moving with us, (my friend actually just bought a new house of her own, and my brother & his girlfriend live 2 states away and I haven't talked to him in a month) and these scenarios are crazy.

But yet, now I can't fall back asleep. I also started worrying about going to the bank tomorrow, to straighten out an issue. I ordered new checks for our new shared account, and asked them to start at number 4004. When I got them in the mail, they started at 101. I am quite sure that the bank will just issue me a new box of checks, and it won't even be a 2 minute conversation. Yet, I was laying in bed, trying to think of how best to deal with this.

I would much rather be sleeping. Ridiculousness!
 
So, PunkRock's car is still at the shop - apparently some of the bolts were kinda rusty, so they are soaking overnight and hopefully they won't snap tomorrow. We're told it will be ready by tomorrow night. It can't come quick enough, as I have felt like a chauffeur these last few days, taking everyone to and from commitments and appointments. It's been challenging!

I woke up this morning feeling out of sorts and like I was going to be sick, but once I ate lunch (it was 11 am) I felt a little bit better. I didn't take any medicine, so that's good so far. I can feel the sickness hovering and hanging out though. Hopefully it doesn't get any worse. Apparently something is going around. In my astronomy class today, 3 students were out, but two managed to Skype in and not miss the lecture.

Uh, what else? Things have been really good with my guys lately. They've both been really upbeat and treating me really well. PunkRock told me last night, as I was leaving his room to go spend the night with DarkKnight, that he feels so very close to me. AWWWWWWW.

That said, I feel kind of confused and a little anxious, as Greg has been texting me so much lately. Last night he told me he would love to get together, if I ever get a break in my schedule. Honestly, I think more than a sexual relationship, he really would like an activities partner with some romance thrown in. I'm not at all sure how I feel about that. So far he has been really awesome at not pushing me, or talking at all about starting a relationship, and just discussing things going on in our lives, and in the community. Honestly, I would like to see him, he's a great person and we have a lot of common interests. Actually dating though, like boyfriend-girlfriend, I just don't feel settled enough to contemplate fucking someone else. Making out, maybe.

That said, I still feel somewhat fragile from time to time, and I definitely don't want to jump into anything too soon. And Greg lives like an hour away, so sharing activities would mean one of us driving a bunch. In the past, he ALWAYS came up to see me, which was great, but I feel bad about that. Even for a friendship, that just isn't fair.

And, honestly, I don't know if I like the idea of dating anyone right now, with the move coming so soon. We're talking like 6 or so months! Prolly closer to 8, but either way, I don't want to have emotional entanglements when I could end up moving a distance away.

Plus, there's PunkRock. I worry about him, as I know that he'll probably have some anxiety surrounding me dating again. I love him so fucking much, and I don't want to rock the boat with his emotions, especially right now, when I've needed to lean on him so much myself. And especially when it is someone I don't have any strong romantic attachment to. It might be better to just let things be. I plan on talking to him soon about this.

Oh, and I have no bedroom. I can't host for sleepovers!

Re-reading this, it seems like I am making a laundry list of why things won't work. I do want to see Greg again though, he is a super sweet and fun guy. I liked dating him when we were together previously. *shrugs* I will see how things go. I think we might meet up and then have a face to face discussion about what he is really looking for, and whether or not I am even able to provide that. I know he owns his condo, and his area of the state is crazy expensive (he's closer to DC), so I am 100% sure we will not be relocating in his direction. He's got a great career, makes lots of money - he honestly should not be putting a lot of effort in trying to date me, as he could land a great woman who would be monogamous with him. I remember that he was absolutely mono when we were together, but had a lot of poly friends. Anyway, I could never move his way, and I know he'd want to see me a lot if I was the only chick he was dating. He doesn't care at all that I am poly though - he and DarkKnight got along really well.

Gah! So, yeah. Complicated.

Hey look, it's Cowboy Curtis! Anyone here want to adopt the cutest little guy ever? He's the runt of the litter, and the other kittens are sometimes mean to him - he gets pushed out of the snuggle sleep piles, and away from the food dishes. Now that he is over his cold though, he is much more assertive about eating, and he loves to play. Climbing is something he excels at. I'm already traveling from Maryland to Ohio and to New York, so if you're along the way, I'd be happy to bring him to you. :) Look at that little face! He'll be ready to go home in October. Oh, and he's a Mackerel tabby, an orange tiger. :)

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Spending some time today, working on our upcoming "State of Our Union" finance meeting. We usually do it in October/November. It's a lot of number crunching on my end. Looking at gross vs take home pay, and what the percentages are, paid into the group account. I talked with PunkRock last night about his medical costs. This year they are currently spiraling up but hopefully we are done now. I collected all the invoices over the past month, and realized that ones that I thought were duplicates, aren't. So he owes like $800 in copays right now. Jeesh. Only one is currently past due, but it's $35 and I'll be taking care of that today.

Next year though, he's looking at having the carpal tunnel surgery done on both his wrists. So as soon as his open enrollment period hits (October) we are going to really have to mathematically make sure we get the best plan possible and put the max into his flexible spending account. This year we didn't put enough - counseling costs, medication copays, the sleep studies and the neurological workups done on his wrists - yeah, we just grossly underestimated. So the $800+ owed at this moment, we just have to fucking pay out of pocket.

We also have to make sure his short term disability policy is in force and it is the best possible, so when he is out of work for the 6-8 weeks, we will have his income replaced. We discussed timing the surgery for mid-February, so when there's a lag in his paychecks, we'll get our tax refund back and that should cover the time until he gets the disability checks. Then, when he is back to work, we should be right on time to start the house hunting process.

BUT, that said, we might be able to bump up our house hunt process. Initially I was shooting for March 2017, and then I pushed that back to May, but now it looks like it could be scheduled for January. I don't want to rush things though - I am trying to be really methodical with the planning and make sure that we are at maximum benefit with DarkKnight's credit scores. It might make sense to let this new credit card age more. 6 months would put us back to March. Though, I asked for advice, and 2 brokers (unofficially) told me that they don't think it will matter - he should be ok. I'm getting excited!

Right now though, I am still working on getting the one negative collection tradeline removed from 2 of his reports. When he had his slip and fall in the grocery store, one of the bills was not paid, and apparently he had $95 sent to collections. There's a specific process I need to follow to make sure that when we pay it, it gets deleted from his reports, so I actually sent out the first letter today. If everything goes as it should, things should be clean at the end of November.

So exciting! But also wow, I still hate math. lol
 
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My niece turned 12 a few days ago, and I have yet to mail her gift. It's my own damn fault - I always try to do something creative. This year I decided to make an origami box out of 2 $1 bills and stick a rolled up $10 bill inside of it. It looks pretty cool. I have it inside of a really pretty red box filled with silver curling ribbon, which is inside of a white shipping box that is lined with dark and light green tissue paper.

My daughter this morning was like, aw! I wish I had you as an aunt! I asked her, even if the gift is just cash, equal to your age? She was resounsingly enthusiastic with her "YES!" It's true, since I have to mail every gift to my nephews and niece, that I try to make them a little more unique than just cash in a card. But, that does mean I always send them out late!

Anyway, the box is made and it's all wrapped up, but I now need to address the box and take it over to the post office. I'm going to eat lunch here at home and then take it over.

Let's see if the photos work...

Money box:

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Outer shell of money box:

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I don't think I shared this earlier, so I will now. Earlier this summer, during my yard sale, a customer encouraged me to donate my two wedding dresses to a local senior citizen's home, where they were having a prom. This idea made me feel so very happy, so I did it. Recently, the customer sent me a photo of the ladies who wore my dresses! I just re-discovered it when going through my phone, and I wanted to share. It made me all squee!

DarkKnight and I - we eloped and married in a famous Italian Restaurant in Boston, MA's Back Bay area:

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PunkRockAwesomesauce and I - we eloped and married at a private cottage in Front Royal, VA:

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Senior prom:

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It feels so great - these dresses cost me around $400, total, for the two of them, and since each wedding, they've just hung in the back of my closet, under a protective cover. I think it's pretty amazing that they've now been re-worn and re-loved. :)
 
Wow - so many discussions going on right now at my house! I don't even know where to begin, but I am a little overwhelmed at the moment!

I had a talk with PunkRock last night and DarkKnight this morning, about the same topics, and I just want to say that I treasure SO very much, how unique these guys are - the perspectives and insights they offer me are so very different! I am glad, because they each come up with even MORE stuff for me to ponder, and as frustrating as that can be, it is also amazing to know that together, we think of everything. lol

Everything I am talking about includes my dating life (and theirs) and our house hunt, and financial planning. It's all intertwined, but to deal with it all, it all needs to be broken out and looked at separately. So this entry is going to be specific about finances. So feel free to skip it if that sort of thing bores you!

Now, more than ever, I am convinced that we need to talk to a financial planner next January, before we embark on our home purchase. I've been running numbers and looking at the different types of life insurance we currently have, and it just isn't enough. So when we buy a house, we need to make sure that absolutely all contingencies are covered.

A while back we met with two separate insurance agents, and at that time, we had no debt or shared expenses that needed to be paid if we died, so the policies we purchased were mostly for funeral expenses and incidentals surrounding that. Now that we are going to be buying a house, it's really important to me that we can pay off the house in full if someone were to pass away. This is important for several reasons, primarily being that a death could shatter our poly family, and if everyone split up and went their separate ways, it'd be great to not have to worry about the house!

There are SO many hypothetical possibilities - my head is spinning.

If I were to pass, DarkKnight said it wouldn't really effect him financially because he's the primary breadwinner. That's true, but maybe, he'd want to sell and move close to our daughter, and his extended family. But what if PunkRock didn't want to move out - and since the mortgage is fully in DarkKnight's name, is DarkKnight willing to allow PunkRock to continue to make payments on the note, knowing that if PunkRock fell behind on paying, it's his credit that is effected? He hadn't thought of that. If I had a large enough insurance policy, the house could be paid off, and then PunkRock could use his overage to "buy out" DarkKnight, so DarkKnight could leave. The same thing for PunkRock, what if he decided the house held too many memories and he had to escape, but DarkKnight needed him to continue covering part of the costs? If I had enough insurance, no one would be forced to move that didn't want to do so, and no one would be taking any sort of financial risk because of the other.

If DarkKnight passes, he IS the primary breadwinner, so his life insurance absolutely has to cover the cost of the mortgage, as well as his final expenses.

So shit like that, is keeping me up.

Right now:


  • DarkKnight has a term policy through work, and a separate, private whole life policy. Both payable in full to me as a primary, and to my oldest daughter as a secondary. Neither is currently adequate to pay off a mortgage in full. Right now, DarkKnight needs to lose like 40 pounds to qualify for another policy (more than likely). PunkRock brought up the idea of Mortgage Life Insurance as a possibility, so I am going to do more research about that.

  • I have a whole life policy, payable to DarkKnight & PunkRock, each at 50%. Definitely not enough to cover a mortgage. I need to increase this at least 4x the amount. I hope the cost each month won't be 4x the amount! That said, I think just adding a term insurance policy equal to double the cost of the mortgage and the length of the mortgage would be sufficient.

  • PunkRockAwesomesauce has a private whole life policy, and a term policy through work, both payable to me 100%. He actually could cover a mortgage with both of these, though depending on where we buy a house, he could lose his job and then that will have him losing the term policy. So we'll have to get another one that isn't tied to employment. His insurance costs are still the highest of all of ours, because he is listed as a smoker. He told me a couple of weeks ago that he hasn't smoked a cigarette since last January/February when he was going through that rough emotional patch, but he is still chewing the nicotine gum. So we need to work on that.

All of this insurance stuff aside, the other big issue involves how to fairly split the equity on the house. DarkKnight will be carrying the mortgage loan on his credit, and legally he has all the equity. That isn't exactly fair, long term, especially if we end up in a house that requires PunkRock to quit his job, and if we use him as a general contractor and laborer to upgrade and do most of the renovations after we purchase it. I mean, come on, what if he spends 2 years working on upgrading this house, and then he and I break up? Is he just out all that work with nothing to show for it? What if we buy a house that doesn't need rehabbing? How does he gain equity in the home then? Do we just take a portion of his monthly contributions to the shared budget and consider those as mortgage payments? DarkKnight's idea is that whenever the house is sold, the amount is split 3 ways, regardless, but that isn't fair since he's putting around $15,000 into the down payment and closing costs. And again, what if some partners don't want to sell and don't have the cash ready to buy out the other party? Or let's say, we buy this house, and then a year later I am hit by a bus. Or 2 years later, or 10. Again, how much of the house equity would belong to PunkRock vs DarkKnight, considering the initial investment DarkKnight made, and the larger financial contribution he makes each month?

We need to discuss this more. DarkKnight brought up the idea of forming an LLC again, but from my reading, banks don't like lending to LLCs. So I am unsure if structuring a loan is best through something like that.

None of this is really new ground - we've had discussions surrounding this before, but as none of it was time-sensitive, it was more like, yeah, this is going to require some ironing things out. Now it's like, uh, we need to actually come up with solutions! :)

With my limited knowledge, I think every one of us having enough life insurance (whatever type combinations) is the easiest thing to straighten out, and to deal with the actual mortgage, and if the family structure deteriorated due to a death. However, figuring how to value non-cash contributions and sacrifices like decreased earning potential due to relocation - that will require more discussion. As would, breaking up for reasons other than death. DarkKnight shouldn't be able to just boot me and PunkRock out, just as much as it shouldn't be ok for me and PunkRock to boot out DarkKnight. But what if someone cheated? They're still a jerkface, but that doesn't mean that they lose their equity built up in the house, but it also shouldn't mean that the other two people are left scrambling, trying to figure out how to come up with a lump sum payment to get rid of the offending party, or that a breakup will cause everyone to have to sell the house.

These are the sorts of things that scare me, but also invigorate and excite me. Because the answers are out there, and we get to work on them together.
 
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I spent most of yesterday morning working really hard at figuring out life insurance, and trying to get some wording written, that could give us a basic framework of how equity in the house would be handled, and how non-monetary contributions would be considered. Honestly, the entire thing made me a weepy mess. Thinking about hypothetical scenarios - what would happen if I died, or if one of my guys passed away, and what if we all split up - it was rough.

Anyway, I discussed my writing with both DarkKnight and PunkRock and after a few tweaks, I think we have something. The plan is to see a financial advisor to make sure we aren't missing anything glaring, and then make it a legal document.

I am going to write about it here, because I have been told that other poly families have found my posts helpful when it comes to structuring their own stuff. Hopefully it helps someone!

Basically, as far as life insurance goes, like I posted yesterday, we all need more. We are all going to purchase an additional policy, but term insurance this time, for the length of the mortgage. We are planning on having a 15 year mortgage, if possible. Both DarkKnight and PunkRock's term policies will cover the entire cost of the mortgage. My policy will cover 2 times the cost of the mortgage. The thinking there is, that if I pass away, they can pay off the mortgage and then each have enough cash to buy out the other, should one of them like to leave and no longer live together. They were making jokes about not moving, but instead using the extra cash and having a toy room if I die - only DarkKnight thought that PunkRock meant a cat toy room, and PunkRock was meaning a room full of things like a life-size Boba Fett doll and an arcade cabinet. I thought he meant stuff like a 3-D printer and a laser cutter. lol Everyone really appreciated the others' ideas. lol We are all weirdos!

So all I have to do now is get in contact with our insurance guy and get some price quotes. I will do that next year. :)

As far as how to split the house if we break up due to issues, that was a little more in depth. Since PunkRock was at work when I was struggling with the wording on this, DarkKnight helped me come up with a large part of it. Initially I was trying to figure out how to value sweat equity, and how PunkRock's labor could be valued, if we purchased a fixer-upper. DarkKnight made me stop that rabbit-hole nonsense, and instead we decided that again, we're a family, and everyone contributes the best that they can. He told me he has zero doubt that PunkRock is here to stay, and he's not looking to take advantage, and to set up any sort of structure where we have to keep time cards or compare his paychecks to DarkKnight's is just overly complicated and crazy.

My husband is such a socialist!

Anyway, the end result is this:

For the first 5 years of our mortgage, if we have to dissolve our partnership (meaning me and DarkKnight OR me and PunkRock) then the very first thing that gets paid is DarkKnight's $15,000 downpayment that he is taking from his retirement fund. The way that works is that he is taking a tax-free loan from his 401(k), so it actually gets paid back through payroll contributions over 5 years. So if we break up, paying that back is paramount. If we break up after 5 years, it no longer exists, and we just split the house 3 ways.

If we all want to move, we sell and hope it pays off the existing mortgage. If the house is already paid off in full, we split the equity 3 ways, equally.

We agreed that payments on the house come out of the joint account, but that in terms of breaking it down, no matter who put the cash into the account, it's considered 3 equal parts from each of us. No matter if someone is unemployed, or in training/school, or just a stay at home person, their contribution to the family is considered just as important as the cash portion.

THAT said, we are going to set up a program that messages everyone every 6 months, with a yes or no question, if we still feel that this set up ifs fair. If yes, we continue on, if no, we stop and re-evaluate. That way, if someone does feel taken advantage of, we have a way to address that. If 2 people agree that someone is slacking, then we will have a clear date of when that occurred, and then that time frame will count AGAINST equity.

I think we all agree right now, that if this were to happen, we're probably already heading for a breakup, and this will be a good legal protection - if we've got 7 years of yes, everything is fair, and then a date where it wasn't - no one can argue that it was a long-standing issue.

Anyway, we did some math on how things would work, and I think copying that over is the best way to make things clear. All the numbers are fake and not supposed to reflect reality, just act as placeholder figures. lol

We have a $100,000 mortgage with $600/month payments. PunkRock wants out after 8 years. Bluebird & DarkKnight want to stay in the house. So, if the mortgage is $100,000 and we paid off $40,000 over that 8 years, $60,000 is still left owing. An appraisal is done and the house appraises as $120,000. The amount of cleared after the mortgage is paid off would hypothetically be $60,000 then. This would be equally split 3 ways (DarkKnight’s retirement loan is finished), and PunkRock would be given $20,000. However, let’s say that in that 8 years, PunkRock had stopped working for 12 months and there was a clear complaint date set. So his contributions over that time frame should have been 1/3rd of the mortgage payment - $200/month if the mortgage is $600/month. So we would subtract $200 x 12, $2400 from his $20,000 disbursement, because that was the amount he did not contribute with either cash or sweat equity. PLUS we would also subtract the equity percentage amount, which would be 1/8 of $20,000, 1 year of 8 years worth of growth = $2500. So his total disbursement would be $20,000-$2400-$2500=$15,100.

DarkKnight and I would then have 1 year to pay PunkRock his disbursement (since we didn't want to sell the house).

We are going to look at this more in the coming months, but I like it so far.
 
So after all of that math I just wrote about in my previous entry, I also had another issue that I don't enjoy dealing with to handle. And that was Greg, and telling him that it isn't going to happen.

He and I had a message conversation a couple of nights ago where he said he really wanted to go out with me when I had free time in my schedule, and I had responded that I would like that. The truth though, after thinking about it, was that I just am not ready. So I texted him last night to tell him I wasn't.

Basically, I told him I really like him but I feel like my time really needs to be spent focusing on healing from my breakup, bettering myself in therapy, and planning the move with my husbands. He was pretty bummed, but said that he understood, and still thinks I am an amazing person who deserves every happiness in the world. He is such a sweet guy - this made me feel like garbage. The truth is though, I am not needing to date anyone right now. I DO need to focus on me. I'm not going to be activating OKCupid, or responding to guys on FetLife. I need to pull back and pay attention to what I need, and right now, that is to strengthen my sense of self-worth and to build a strong foundation with my husbands over the next few months.
 
Even when I broke up with him a few years ago, Greg has always stayed a Facebook friend and occasional texter. He lives about an hour or so away, so we won't run into each other unexpectedly or anything. So I would say we will remain friendly. I did tell him that if I buy my house closer his way, he will be the first one I contact when I am ready to date again, but the plans just don't look like that will even remotely happen. He knows this. I don't believe we will message each other frequently - I've pretty much rejected him romantically every time he reaches out. That makes me feel like a jerkface. I believe him when he says he isn't upset though.

Honestly, I was being truthful to him when I said I needed to take this time to concentrate on my loves and my life. It's a priority for me to make better choices - WarMan tore me down awful at the end there, and I owe it to myself to heal from that completely before bringing new partners into my world. At the moment, the thought of a boyfriend turns my stomach, truly. I need to be happier. It's hard to explain - part of what I do as a partner, I think, is making the other person feel cherished and loved and important. Because they deserve to feel that, because I myself desire that above all in a relationship. The way I feel now, I can't do it. I am not in a position where I believe I deserve it, and as a result, I cannot do that for someone else. I am out of sorts and feeling grossly overweight and unattractive. I need to get my weight loss back on track; I need to continue to work with my therapist to help with my inner monologue; I need to focus on my relationships with my husbands, to feel secure there again. I've turned very clingy again with both of them, and it isn't healthy. I am in the process of getting some lunch and dinner dates lined up with my lady friends, and game day dates with my platonic guy friends scheduled - I need to surround myself with good times to boost myself up in ways that don't involve romantic stuff, if that makes sense.
 
I have been sick since yesterday, so that also hasn't helped me out! I just canceled tomorrow's Astronomy class. I am glad that I teach the exact same thing on Wednesday, because the kids in Monday's class can switch over and go to that one this week, hopefully. If not, I scheduled a make up class on Friday.

Today has been just me, laying on the couch and being miserable. I've been watching this reality show called It Takes a Church in which the church picks one single woman from its congregation and everyone nominates single guys to date her. It is dumb, seriously, so that makes it perfect for someone who is high on cold medicine.
 
Bluebird said:
Today has been just me, laying on the couch and being miserable. I've been watching this reality show called It Takes a Church in which the church picks one single woman from its congregation and everyone nominates single guys to date her. It is dumb, seriously, so that makes it perfect for someone who is high on cold medicine.
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Omigosh, it sounds utterly ridiculous! And yes, perfect for someone high on cold medicine! Hahahaha, your post made me literally LOL.
 
I feel the need to watch this show as I too am currently miserable and hopped up on cold meds. Can this really be a thing? My sick sense of humor is salivating at the thought.
 
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