Fun and Frolic With Long-Term Love

My period is almost over today, thank goodness. My emotions haven't been as whackadoo, instead I've just felt depressed and down a bit. Today I feel better!

I am not going to be going to NY next month - after looking over the budget I was able to work out that it is a terrible financial decision at this point. We have too many expenses and I had to cut out that trip. It was to go to my oldest nephew's graduation party, and I have to say I am really bummed out to miss it. I love and care about him so much. I sent him a text outlining why we can't attend, and he sent me back a really mature, heartfelt response, so I feel ok about that.

I don't feel so good about my sister - I sent her a text, she read it and no response. She's been a drama queen on Facebook this past could of weeks, fighting with her husband and talking about starting over, divorcing, yadda yadda. I tried calling her but she didn't answer, and then I texted her later and she said she couldn't talk and would call me the next day. She didn't. I can recognize a blow-off when I experience it, so whatever. So this text I sent her about not going to her son's party came on the wake of that, a week later.

On one hand, I am glad not to have to listen to her drama and problems, but on the other it's frustrating to know that she will ABSOLUTELY be telling all of the extended family how horrible it is that I won't be there. Even though, you know, when my daughter graduated last year she didn't come down or even send a card. And she also told everyone that my daughter's diploma was fake and that she didn't really graduate. Ugh, the more I think about it, the more I am angry and upset. That said, I need to reframe this - I don't really care about the people she is slandering me to, and their opinion has no sort of impact on me at all. If they really cared, they would contact me, right? I am going to send my nephew a good gift and then just let it go. At this point, if my sister wants to contact me, she will.

As far as stuff going on in my own life, I am still working on the Stylebook app - taking photos of the clothing I own. I try to do 5 pieces everyday, and so far so good. I am currently waiting on a couple of clothing purchases to arrive in the mail, and beyond that I need to buy two specific tshirts. After that, I think I am actually all set for the year. I bought some new socks yesterday. Well, I guess I need new bras, but I always need new bras!

Trips - I didn't really plan any for this year yet, other than the one I just canceled. I want to do something for my birthday but I don't think we will be able to do that either. We're house poor at the moment, with all the stuff we are doing and planning on remodeling. I wanted to go see The Lion King in NYC for my birthday, but dropping a $1000+ on that seems frivolous. I'm thinking instead maybe I will ask my guys to get me the Mansions of Madness Second Edition game and let's go on a weekend to the beach. Half the price of the other trip.

I also really need to start on some long term planning stuff - none of us have wills yet. All of the insurance is in place - we still need more - and the living wills exist, but we need to do some other polycule structure work. I have been putting it off because it seems a bit overwhelming. Today my goal is to set out a to-so list in regards to this stuff. I will write more when I get it done, because I had sooo many PMs and emails when I was writing about finances and my family, previously. I'd like this journal to be somewhat useful, if not just a reminder to myself for things.
 
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Oh hey, wanna see my retro kitchen? It's still work in progress, but at least it is usable at this point!

This is the eat-in kitchen. The baseboards still need to be caulked. The color is a little off in this photo - the green on the wall is the exact color of cabinets elsewhere.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/WGOSJMZpW35toGjBrgeenVhneFZvAzJ5Gnnqgjut648

View when at the table. Paint touchups abound. The kitchen cabinet doors will be repainted the same color next month with our borrowed paint sprayer, so things will be smooth. Undercabinet rope lighting has been purchased but it isn't installed yet. Oh, and I do have vinyl decals planned after the paint is done - above the cabinets, on the soffit. Each set of cabinet doors will have an atom centered above them, except for the single corner cabinet - that will have a Godzilla!

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/Qah1KY8cFd1aTu3Dd4zAT1IlrZWhgbTdTAve2JggK5T

View from the sunporch. Totally didn't clean anything. The appliances are GE Adora in slate finish.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/30wAsqaRrFw1BKZrQDzFVVECAAXlN4atrnsHqoyckIL

Original, vintage countertops.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/sJKx98XIPd7hKNT5yxnzwbNruqnzLrBRZW0l5LNz3Tf
 
PunkRock and I took the kittens and dropped them off at the clinic for the day. I think they are doing great - hopefully no more meds are needed, besides the doxy they are already prescribed for another week. :) I am anxious for them to start on their vaccinations.

Today is kind of low key - my son is coming over again today to do his laundry, and now the back yard. We were having issues with our mower, but PunkRock did an oil change and put on a new filter, and he got it running well again. He mowed the front lawn yesterday. I have to print out a couple of bank statements for my son, and give him a fan I bought him the other day at the store.

Good news - I had another kiddo sign up for my class and the mom says she will pay half this week and half next. Whew! So glad! I still have one space avaialable, but it's all good. When I get paid this week, I will be putting it toward a Bagster - we have some full contractor bags that need to get outta here, and PunkRock is planning on removing a clothesline from the back yard - there are two thick metal poles that need to be dug out, or cut out. And we still have part of the basement ceiling to be torn out. We bought two simple light fixtures for that area - they won't be the final ones, but for now it's light, at least!

DarkKnight has a practice tonight so I am not sure what plans will be for PunkRock and I. Maybe watch some Game of Thrones? He's never seen any of the series, so I watched the first two episodes with him the other day, but he was not impressed. I am still trying to get him to make it through the first season. I don't know how he can't like this show! Pffft. DarkKnight and I watched the new episode yesterday evening - so excited to see the story play out!

I did some research on wills and title transfers in Maryland. Right now I am just putting together a list of what paperwork we already have, and what questions and concerns we still need to address. I want to set up a meeting with an attorney, but not until I have my list complete. I did contact one earlier this year, so it really is just a matter of $$$ and setting up an appointment. I need to look at my budget, again.

I am feeing upbeat and positive. I am so happy with my life.
 
So still no clue what is going on with PunkRock and work. He was told he would get a call tomorrow morning. I *think* they are going to put him in for cashier training, of all things, because there isn't much else he can do, with his weight restrictions. He can't lift over 20 pounds. I guess we will see.

Yesterday I was totally stressed out in the evening because we got a bill in the mail from PunkRock's work, because we need to pay for the things that regularly come out of his paycheck. I had estimated $400 or so, thinking we'd have to cover his health insurance premiums. Instead, we got hit with a bill for almost $1000. Which, is actually way more than his disability even paid out for the month! I have zero idea how we are going to pay for this. I have decided to ignore it until PunkRock is back at work this week (if that happens) and I can actually figure out when he'll start getting a regular paycheck again. I just can't do spreadsheets with guesses. It makes me too anxious.

The kittens are doing amazing. They've had their meds reduced and only Jerry needs to go back to the clinic next week. They are all over 2 pounds (finally!) and so I scheduled their neuter appointments at the end of August. DarkKnight apparently had a rough night with them last night though, because with renewed health comes rejuvenation! They ran and played on him, and attacked his feet, all night long. He is barely staying awake next to me right now, and more than likely I will end up down in the basement with PunkRock again tonight!

D&D was canceled tonight, but DarkKnight and I went to dinner and then decided to hang out at the game store anyway together. First we played a game of Tokaido, which I had heard of but never had the chance to see. I won, but t was a close thing. I really loved the beauty of the game and the strategy involved. I would definitely buy this. Next we played Mysterium, with 3 other guys in the store - regular members of our D&D group, in fact! (It was the DM who was missing!) This game has now moved to the top of my "must have" queue! It is great for non-gamer people I think - it's similar to Clue, but a horror cooperative. Just low on horror. Lol No reading necessary. Up to 7 people can play, so I like that as well. Lastly, we played a couple of rounds of Pirate Dice, which I always seem to do ok at but never win. All in all, it was a fun social night out with my love!
 
I am feeling excited about my nephew's graduation gift! I love him as much as I do my own children, and I am so incredibly bummed I can't be there for his graduation party. However, he and his siblings are used to getting fun presents in the mail from me on their birthdays, and I am spending some time tonight planning out a surprise for this occasion.

He was recently in a production of The Wizard of Oz (he's a huge theater nerd) and I think I am going to do a huge gift box themed off of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Dreams Really Do Come True." The large box will have several smaller boxes inside, each representing a different color: Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, etc. Each one will have a silly saying, like, "We're feeling BLUE to have missed your party" and "Orange you glad you graduated?" The box will be filled with little gifts matching that particular color, along with a gift card of that color as well. Like, blue will have oreos, cool ranch Doritos, Nestle's Crunch Bars and a Sunoco gift card. (Closest gas station to his house) I will decorate each box with colored paper and tissue paper inside matching the color, and curling ribbon too. The main rainbow box will also have a coloring book and crayons, and I am going to wrap each crayon with cash. This is going to be a little pricey, but I think I can do it within budget.

Squeeee! Tomorrow DarkKnight has the day off, so I am hoping he will be amenable to shopping with me!
 
I spent the entire day shopping yesterday! Oof! DarkKnight went to lunch with me at 11 am, and then we hit up the Dollar Store, Michael's and Target. When we went home, my daughter had gotten off of work, so DarkKnight tapped out and she and I went out again. This time we went to a different Dollar Store, Party Ciy, 5 Below and Walmart. I did some online shopping as well, and I have a couple of more things to get still, but I am just about finished purchasing everything I need for my nephew's gift. It's pretty cool. When my daughter came home yesterday initially, she said, "MOM! I REALLY wish you were my aunt!" Lol

To be honest, I really wish I was my aunt too. Lololol

Last night, when PunkRock got home from work, he and I went to dinner (DarkKnight had a sold out theater show to go perform at) and we went to Kmart and Ollie's afterward too. Then, I spent the evening alone, focusing on putting together my plan.

Here's the outside of the shopping box:

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/vKN6skRrNz2MQG44sJ6h5X4kSvoHrVhpbeBk6aJaTiy

The inside is lined with tissue paper in all colors of the rainbow. The border on the side wraps all the way around, with strategically placed stars.

Two of the color groups, that are actually complete:

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/HmjiGrDqGdvu9XH2lmwiQnmwmSrEUsRmXo4pPXpJVAP

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/WbsvJlWLPOiRcygwJTkNQjsLEzccdn7yNZObLQKXOzE

These will all go into the large shipping box to be sent up to NY.

Today I am going to focus on writing the cards that will accompany each color box, and planning out what the cards will look like. I can't actually craft them yet because all of my supplies are in the game room storage still. I have plenty of time though, so I am not stressed about that. I also need to buy a single gift card - I couldn't find one that was purple, so I think I am going to purchase a black and white gift card and wrap it in purple curling ribbon. Each box either has a $10-$15 gift card or a tshirt in it, except for purple, at this point!
 
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Have you been checking the prepaid visas and such? I got one that had a purple bow on it for Christmas last year. Not sure how often they change the designs...
 
Haha I actually bought a purple Visa today at CVS! The other stores only had silver and gold. I actually went there to look for a possible Taco Bell card, which they had, but it was black and white. I didn't really want to shell out $25, but that's what they had and I wanted it all to match, so...

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/4ZPWYC0dwrnAfXsI9SghXLDMksL1kxiNM9O8QbPVXj1

The other thing I did today was hit the bank. I want to have a matching marker on the top of each box, with a rolled bill. Check it:

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/1ggjzuAcdOTBbJZ2l4Cc453ibAbIvbxEYVB0u5eAKZC

So yeah, all the stuff in the first photo is in this box, under the tissue, and then on top is the marker. Each box will also have an intro card. I wrote the text for those this morning, but I now have to type it up, format it and print it for mounting on to a color-coded card, which I also have yet to create. Lol I have the paper purchased though!

Here's the text - the shipping box will open up and have a big rainbow lollipop with colored curling ribbon, and this card:

"As you undoubtedly know, somewhere over the rainbow, dreams really do come true! Maybe you weren't dreaming of a box full of color-themed gifts, but it's here now and you're going to have to deal with it. Included in this card is a handy step-by-step guide on how to handle things both efficiently and effectively. Read the list all the way through, and then follow it, referring to it often when opening this gift.

Happy Graduation!"

Then there's this step-by-step guide:

"Step 1: Pick up giant candy lollipop and think to yourself, my aunt [Bluebird] is crazy. This thing says it serves 9 people and I am only one people. She must not know how to math. Or how to grammar, based on this step-by-step guide so far.

Step 2: Pause briefly as you gaze glassy-eyed into the distance, and be glad you graduated and know how to math and grammar.

Step 3: Set down lollipop (keep out of reach of siblings). Remove top layer of multi-colored tissue paper from box.

Step 4: Take a quick count of colors represented by gift bags and boxes. Say out loud, "My aunt [Bluebird] is crazy. There are 7 colors of the rainbow, but there are only 6 containers. She must REALLY not know how to math."

Step 5: Pause to reflect that your aunt [Bluebird] sent this stuff to you for free, so 6 colors in a rainbow is now totally a normal thing and you will LIKE IT.

Step 6: Move on to the step that equals the square root of 49.

Step 7: See, I can math.*

Step 8: True story. In high school, I was in Math League. I was the only person to never score a single point for our team.

Step 9:

Step 10:

Step 11: Seriously. Stop judging me. Let's not argue though, this is taking up value present-opening time.

Step 12: Starting with red, open each box carefully, working through the colors of the rainbow - remember ROY G. BIV? He paints with all the colors of the wind.** Anyway, Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue then Purple, because 6 is better than 7, because 7-8-9. You're not the boss of me!

IMPORTANT NOTE: Be sure to read each card first!!! I have included helpful advice that I am sure you will need. It may turn out to be more important than the presents.***

Step 13: Enjoy. Your crazy aunt [Bluebird] loves you very much. Oh, and so does everyone else here, of course. I made them sign the card as proof.

*Um, disregard Step 7 when you get to the BLUE box Life Pro Tip. Don't call me for help with that, ever.

**May actually be Pocahontas, but I don't really care.

***Probably not true, except maybe the one about boogers."

Yeah, my nephew loves my sense of humor. Good thing, right?

Here are the notes in each individual color box. I wrote a couple of sentences with a cheesy color reference, and then gave advice based on one of the items in that box:

It's no lie: life is a bowl of cherries - sometimes, it's the pits. Hopefully now is not one of those times, and we're keeping our fingers crossed that this box makes you feel RED-iculously great!

Life Pro Tip: No matter what the internet may have told you, it is NOT a good idea to put live crabs in your mouth and run around town on a market day.

*****

You did it! ORANGE you glad you graduated? (The answer should be yes.)

Life Pro Tip: Reese's Peanut Butter Cups should always be shared with someone you care about. That's why there are two in a pack. It's ok though, if the person you care about is yourself.

*****

YELLOW from all of us here down in Maryland! Living in the frozen North is total crap (we know, we've done it) so we're sending you this bag of sunshine to help brighten things up.

Life Pro Tip: A wise wizard once said, "Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light." A flashlight is a solid second choice if you are too lazy to get out of bed and walk to the switch.

*****

You'll need some GREEN to follow your dreams! Your hard work has paid off, but wishes won't pay the bills. Keep your environment positive and others will be envious of your success!

Life Pro Tip: Free wifi at Starbucks is actually costing you too much if you just spent $4 on a frou-frou coffee drink.

*****

It's true - we are feeling BLUE to have missed out on your party! Know that you will always have love and support from us, as well as dank memes. Just ask, and we will send them.

Life Pro Tip: "Mini" versions of products are just a trick to get you to pay more for less. Use your mad math skills to calculate quantity of scale and get the best deal. Or just eat the smaller amount and cry quietly because math is hard and you are now both hungry and broke.

*****

Don't get VIOLET because we went cheap and left the color INDIGO off the list. Honestly, can you name a single person who says INDIGO is their favorite color? No, no you cannot. Start saying that you like it best yourself, and I guarantee you will be the next focus of an anti-bullying campaign. Um, insert positive PURPLE comment here, because PURPLE>INDIGO.

Life Pro Tip: Don't eat anything that has a 50% chance of being booger flavored unless you are 100% sure that those are YOUR boogers.

*****

So I guess that is enough about the gift for now. I will post more when it gets further along toward completion. The stuffed crab will be arriving from Amazon tomorrow, as will the orange gift card. The crab, if you didn't get the reference, is from this video, that my nephew used to beg me to play for him when he was younger:

https://youtu.be/F3jFTzhdZF4

Ok well that's all the updating I have for today, other that I think I dropped another couple of pounds. I feel pretty fabulous today, as I am wearing the leggings I bought online because they look like the face of the Demogorgon on Stranger Things. Lol I rolled them up a bit because it's another 90 degree day. The tshirt I have matches really well too. :)

Look! Will is in the Upside Down!

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/B4sTDVF8J5c9hyAISoD7nWp8fHnwJcmhlebYoXC7skL

Also, you can see Milton's tail under the table. Sigh.
 
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Finally watched some fist season Game of Thrones with PunkRock last night. We watched 3 episodes previously, but we had to start over. He absolutely needed the subtitles, so we rewatched episodes 1 and 2. :)

Today, I am taking DarkKnight and PunkRock to go and see Valerian. I know nothing about this movie, but they are pretty psyched to see it.

I am going to weigh myself in a few minutes and I am anxious to see where I'm at. I have had a few people ask me in person if I've lost weight, so that is a good sign. At the moment I just woke up and I am starving, so I need to get up to the bathroom with the scale before I have my morning Atkins shake. Mmmmm French Vanilla!
 
Meh. I only lost one pound. Oh well, I will take it.

Valarien was...good. I wrote a long review on Facebook. Copy/paste - don't read if you don't want spoilers, though I don't think what I wrote is terribly spoilerish!

*****

Disclaimer that I am not a professional review writer and this is disjointed AF because I am just writing shit when I think of it:

You could definitely look at this movie and say, the guy who made the 5th Element made this. I wanted to stop the movie and watch an entirely different one at points - the set design was so good, and the "thousand planets" were so varied that I wanted to explore all of them. For that reason alone, it is worth watching.

The main characters - eh. I liked that Valerian wasn't a cookie cutter Hollywood heart throb, but I didn't walk away wanting to watch more of him. I was kinda meh about him. He didn't do a bad job, I just didn't care. His female partner was equally meh. I liked that she was not a damsel in distress and at points she was rescuing him. However, I didn't look at her and read her as a federal agent with kickass fighting skills - she wasn't buff as fuck, as say, Wonder Woman is. (Wonder Woman comes to mind because I just saw it recently.)

And I am sorry, at any point in any story, if there are killer security robots and no one has the codes to shut them off or send them away - I don't care how innocuous they seem - I am calling into work and noping the fuck out of there. Everyone just shrugging their shoulders and continuing on is crazypants. �� Especially since they did seem menacing AF.

Oh, and Rhianna slowed the whole movie right down. Her appearance was annoying and took me right out of the movie.

I really liked the other-dimension market. I want to go there on vacation, even if it is a tourist trap. ����

I did enjoy the movie as a whole. I will watch it again on DVD.

*****

I also would like to say that both my husbands were looking super cute yesterday. ��

Today I need to do some quick shopping - the kittens need food and the Amazon price has suddenly increased by 50%. Fuck that noise.

We are having an insurance agent come to visit us tonight at 4 pm. I feel like we still need to do so very much to get our household in order. Insurance is a major piece of that puzzle, but until DarkKnight loses at least 40 pounds, everyone is turning him down for term insurance, and the whole life policy he already has won't increase the amount. So he remains underinsured. We are looking into mortgage insurance now - we know it isn't the best option ordinarily, but it may be his only option, depending on the price. That said, DarkKnight has recently lost like 20 pounds, so he is doing awesome. Maybe this time next year he can qualify. His weight is the only thing triggering the denial right now.

The Amazon gift card arrived yesterday, so I was able to finish the "orange" component of my nephew's graduation gift.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/a3fsnlxpOTx102QWlhsJa1bz8ZH2HwiVZ9wZZSfMtX

I love the storage ball, but it wasn't large enough to contain everything, so I wrapped the twisty straw, some Cheetos and a pack of cheddar crackers separately. :)

I didn't show off yellow yet, and that's because the photo sharing site is being wonky with it. So for now, instead enjoy a bonus picture of the bag's completed exterior - showing off the card and wrapped marker. Every color package has a $5 matching marker. Yellow isn't a plastic container because I had trouble locating one. Instead I opted for a gift bag.

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/0fMkVb6lzNdmSmDwMlLdLDWdo7V205PDP9XohnYyyCa


And here are the first things seen when opening the box - the opening note (which I am going to have is all sign at the bottom, and then the Step-by-Step guide. And the lollipop. :)

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/08hGUjfGoua58bIWC9YTaTC7tTXglPxU6C3dDSDs8El

The stuffed crab for the red box arrived yesterday as well. However, I am still waiting for the red tshirt I ordered from 6 Dollar Shirts to get here. Probably by the end of this week, I am hoping! So, no picture of red yet, for that reason. I think I might buy another pack of colored tissue paper, because I want to make sure that nothing shifts or gets moved around too much in transit. Oh, how I wish I could see my nephew open this!
 
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So today is Call of Cthulhu at my house, and I am kind of bummed, because the hope was that we would have the game room ready by now, but nope, we are still stuck playing in the living room. I am going to be hearing from the contractor hopefully later on this afternoon and we'll have a basement floor installation date on the calendar. I am keeping my fingers crossed for this weekend. I am so wanting to be able to unpack things!

Good news - PunkRock checked his benefits page and saw that the $900 bill he received the other day has been reduced to less than $300. I am glad I didn't race to pay it. Last night we agreed to sit down with the medical bills on Wednesday (his day off) and make sure everything is up to date and that we are on the same page financially with all of that. We still think he is missing like 6 days worth of disability payments, so we will have to make some phone calls. Ugh. I hate medical crap!

Oh, his next tattoo appointment has been rescheduled - they called and bumped us back to the end of September. That doesn't work so good for us, since we will be shelling out a lot for my birthday, but we will see. At this point we don't think the tat will be complete this year. The next appointment is finishing the line work - the octopus and me-as-a-mermaid have to be connected. That will be a 4 hour session: 2 hours of draw time, 2 hours of tattooing. THEN we can schedule the color. I am so excited to see it complete, but the important thing is that it is done right, so we will take whatever time it takes, you know?

DarkKnight and I had an appointment last night in our kitchen with two insurance reps. We ran some numbers and are looking to get DarkKnight a smaller term policy - $150,000 - so I could pay off the house if he died. The last time we tried to get him term insurance, he was denied based on weight, and the large amount we were trying to secure. The agent thought that with DarkKnight's weight loss and the lowering of the amount, he would be able to qualify. I hope so - he definitely needs more insurance. Right now he has a $20,000 whole life policy to cover his final expenses and any debt he might be carrying at the time of his death. (We are definitely opting for cremation and figure $8000 will be more than enough for that.) He also has agroup life policy through his work, which I would sock away into savings. That's the plan now, at least. If he doesn't qualify for this $150,000, that work policy would go toward the house, so I don't want to have that happen, if possible. So now we wait to hear the outcome on that.

I still need to get more coverage for me, but I am going to wait.
 
Saw Dunkirk today with PunkRock. WOW. Super intense movie. Really loud too! I enjoyed it a lot and would recommend it. The music was good as well - very gripping.

Greg - remember Greg? He messaged me out of the blue, saying "Good afternoon gorgeous." Sigh. I am not feeling particularly good looking. I am wearing my new tie fighter skirt with tshirt, but I am tired of looking ok head on and then being lumpy with the side view.
 
I had talks today with both PunkRock and DarkKnight about me adding in new sex partners. Or partner, though the more I think about it, the more I am believing that I am not going to be able to find what I am looking for with just one dude.

What I have:

DarkKnight has become a one-a-month partner when it comes to sex, though I am very happy with the amount of physical contact we have otherwise. He is extremely snugly, affectionate and loving to me always, and he remains my biggest fan and princess-behavior enabler. We have regular date nights and do fun activities together that we both enjoy.

PunkRock and I have a sexual connection 1-2 times a week. He is very much into falling asleep wrapped around me, and gives me all of his attention, whenever I ask for it. We have regular date nights and do fun activities together that we both enjoy.

I love both of my husbands 100%; they are my primary concern in my life and making them feel as happy and as loved as I feel will always be a priority.

What I want:

More sex. That's just a given. I don't think this is a surprise to anyone who reads this journal. 1-2 times a week has me feeling despondent and sad. That said, I have been masturbating more and not getting the big, bad, down in the dumps depressed feeling I used to get, so that's pretty amazing. However, I want another sex partner.

I also want someone who is willing to explore kink with me. I feel very excited about doing this, and having someone that is just as pumped up about it would be amazing. Ideally I would like to find a Daddy Dom.

What I don't want:

Another primary partner. I left that ambiguous in my head last time, and I ended up with WarMan. I lovedhim too much and the breakup hurt too badly. I refuse to feel that terrible, ever again, if I can help it. So that sort of thing is straight out.



So, where does this leave me? I am picturing in my head, maybe a kink partner that I can see every 2 weeks for an overnight. Maybe we can attend events together too. I think maybe in the beginning I will be attending some play parties and munches alone, to try and find someone compatible. Those sort of things are infrequent anyway, and necessitate a trip to Baltimore, more than likely, so I will have to plan that out far in advance.

I think I may have a different partner, a FWB, that I see once a week for fun and frolic. Vanilla sex would be fine. I believe this person would be super easy to find.

I think trying to combine the FWB with kink may be asking too much. But maybe not.

I feel torn about Greg. I find it crazy that he messaged me, just as I really started thinking about wanting another partner. I remember when we were dating, and I found him attractive, funny, good-natured and a great activities partner. However, we weren't sexually compatible in that his dick was just too big. We were compatible in other ways - penetration isn't everything, and if I had other options for that, things might be ok. I mean, when we dated, it was just DarkKnight and I. I do think Greg would be willing to date me if I asked him out. I know he still feels a connection. Talking with him is just so damned easy! But on the other hand, I wouldn't want to start things up and then realize it isn't going to work. I like him a lot, and wouldn't want to treat him as disposable.

I am going to take a couple of weeks to think about this some more. I told PunkRock I am not looking to go on any dates for a month. I have thought about going to this huge kink camp that is a couple hours from me at the end of August, but I am not wanting to just go as a single chick. As extroverted as I am, I am new to that scene and I don't feel I would be comfortable. I did see that some Fet friends are going, so maybe I could buy a cabin space with them. Still, I am not sold that this is what I want as a first event. I do know that I DON'T want to fire up OKCupid at all. Maybe do some searching locally on FetLife...

Gah! Any advice?
 
Have you actually successfully had a longer term ongoing regular FWB before? Based on your blog alone, I have sort of gotten the impression that you get attached easily, and you tend to feel like you have to have contact at minimum every few days with partners that you see regularly. I could be wrong, but just the impression I got. And if that is the case, do you think you could actually maintain a connection with someone at the FWB level without quickly feeling the need to escalate it? Kink, especially D/s dynamics, tend to result in a very deep emotional connection due to the trust needed, which doesn't necessarily lend itself to the more detached FWB scenario that you're describing wanting.

Granted, I have a D/s dynamic with a partner that I see once every 2 weeks, but I get the impression that you and I have very different attachment styles when it comes to relationships (not judging, to each their own). And the dynamic that I have with my Dom is still a deep connection and a relationship vs a FWB.

Mainly, I guess I'm just cautioning you that if you're not wanting big emotions and just some fun, be prepared for that to go awry and get attached to someone... Cause that crap just sorts happens and you can't always stop it!
 
Yes, I had a FWB thing going for a few months with B, back when my marriage to DarkKnight first opened up. He was a super chill guy, but a crazy workaholic, if you remember. He was newly divorced and not looking for something serious. And he certainly would never have been a choice for me, as a primary, because he would not have been able to give me the time commitment I would want from a primary. It was very successful - we showed each other a good time, but ultimately it ended because he had a huge issue at work and then started dating someone seriously as well. Not sure when you started reading my blog, but that was years ago.

I have definitely dated some dudes and even had sex over a few months but ultimately didn't have that NRE feeling as well. A comes to mind, and to a lesser extent, even Greg. I liked Greg and he made me really happy and blissful whenever we were together, but I don't remember ever feeling NRE with him. That's why when I met PunkRock and he wanted me to be exclusive at the beginning of our relationship, I was able to break up with Greg easily. If we had been more serious, and if I had been experiencing NRE, that would have been torturous to me. I would not describe A or Greg as a FWB though - they were definitely guys I was dating with the idea that we were building a relationship.

Just pointing out that I don't necessarily get the NRE crazies with everyone I am dating, and definitely not everyone I am sleeping with. :)

Since I had the FWB thing going on with B, I haven't had one, except initially when dating WarMan. And that part was all talk. He and I decided prior to doing anything sexual that we wanted a relationship, not just a FWB. And he had lied to me a TON, prior to that via text, which if I hadn't already made that decision, I would not have kept him around as a FWB. Looking back, there were a ton of red flags right from the get go. But I think there is a lot of difference between how I feel with a FWB and someone I consider a boyfriend, and how I handle emotions with those.

I have no idea how a kink relationship would progress, but I agree that the FWB dynamic probably would not be compatible with that, and that's why I think i will be looking for multiple partners - one for FWB and one for kink. I don't mind emotions being involved - because as you say, that shit happens - and I do think the kink dynamic kinda requires it. I definitely am not going to be able to trust a random Dom at every event to give me what I am looking for.
 
Omg so much anxiety this morning - I am currently sitting in the dental waiting room, trying not to cry. I had to drive myself to my checkup appointment today, so no medication to help me soldier through. I am so very ugh right now. Today is just a 6 week Invisalign aligner checkup - making sure everything is moving as intended. I have to say a I think it is, so that's good. I am supposed to get my last aligner today. I hope everything is ok so I can just put this nightmare behind me.

PunkRock gave me the biggest, sweetest hug before he left for work earlier, and we have a tentatively planned date tonight to go walk our city's new cultural trail. However, we might reschedule that because if our contractor is coming tomorrow for the basement work, we will need to move out some things down there instead.
 
FML FOR SERIOUS. Holy fuck.

So the basement floor is at a full stop. The weather here today was horrendous, and at points there was a torrential downpour, unlike any we have seen. We have water in the basement. For fucking real. I wanted to cry.

The weird thing is that it is just in a single spot of about 2 feet, down along the floor, and the water is coming out of 3-5 nail holes. This is way below the surface of our slab. Even the contractor doesn't understand it. He went outside and it seems like *maybe* the one section of the sunporch addition roof has flashing that is pitched slightly toward the house, and some caulking and spray foam is causing the water runoff to be directed right onto the ground in front of the basement foundation. Which then leads to the water trickling underground to eventually leak out in this spot.

Fuck.

Worst case scenario is that we fix the roof and the water still exists and we have to pay $3-5,000 for a French drain and sump pump to be installed. Which, we don't have right now. However, we are going to do fixes over the next two days to hopefully aim for the best case scenario. PunkRock is going to buy some more Quickset cement and patch over the entire line on nail holes. He will also fix the flashing and recaulk along the entire outside edge of the sunporch, down to the slab, to stop further water intrusion. Then we pray and sacrifice a goat to the Elder Gods.

The contractor will come back tomorrow or Sunday to lay the floor, leaving a 1-foot gap along the sides. That way, if things start leaking again, we will see it and can call to do the French drain. If it never leaks, then next Spring when we have the egress window installed, the 1-foot gap will be closed up.

If only this were a singular issue. See, there is also water IN MY ELECTRICAL PANEL. The contractor discovered this and everyone was shocked into silence for a minute. (See what I did there?) He took everything apart and said it has clearly been happening for a while, and he pointed out some corroded parts that need to be replaced. He and his helper went outside to look and the different parts are all sealed up right, so the water has to be coming in from higher up on the pipe, near the roof. He said an electrician actually needs to come out, but not to stress because it can't happen til Monday, because no electrician is going to climb on our roof to mess with the main hot line coming in during a torrential downpour. Also, the breakers will trip if anything shorts out, so to not be afraid of a fire or anything. But, uh, call first thing Monday morning.

Seriously feel like throwing up.
 
STORY OF MY LIFE TOO!

So for the drainage issue, it also helps if you can pull mulch or dirt or something up against the house to level the grading of the ground in a way that makes water want to flow away from your house. So if that's something you can do, it could help with little cost.

When we had our house inspection they noticed some corrosion in the electrical panel and they thought it was because the box on the outside of the wall was pulling away so water was probably running back in somewhere. We got the box reattached by the utility company but still haven't gotten the electrical panel cleaned. It wasn't that bad and figured it could wait at least a little longer. Sigh.

Also, water in the basement def blows.....
 
Actually, the water is falling directly onto a cement slab. No dirt or mulch there so grading isn't something that is doable. The gutter is actually sloped awesome / it goes down to the other side of the house, too. It isn't overflowing or doing anything obvious. Along the corner of where the addition is attached, there's a lot of old caulking that looks like it's pulled away with time, so instead of water being directed into the gutter, it flows along the roofline and hits the side of the addition. About a quarter of the way down on the side of the addition, there's a vinyl strip seam that sticks out, and water is being collected in it (not what is supposed to happen) and after it fills, the water drains out the side nearest the house, down along the brickwork, then it hits the cement slab and disappears. So, the thought is to scrape off the old caulking and put new along up on the roof and bottom of the gutter, along the side of the house and along the foundation and the slab. Hopefully that does it.

For the parts of the yard where there are flower beds - we are going to address those in September by digging them out and up (everything is weeds) and putting down rock once we get it bare. We started the front bed already - it is currently covered with a big blue tarp to kill off all the weeds. Makes my house look fucking beautiful. Lolol

Yeah, the junction box outside of the electrical panel is flush against the house and the caulking looks good. That was the first place the contractor checked and he was surprised that wasn't the issue. It must be traveling from someplace further up.

We have a dehumidifier running now. I have to say though - we haven't seen water before, and this was a super-hard, freak storm. I am actually glad these problems have come to light, because wow how shitty if we had set a wood floor down and it was getting wet and rotten underneath? Fuck that! It just really sucks that this is an issue to begin with. I am kinda happy that we have a chance to fix this place up correctly. However, it just sucks butt that it has to happen now, when I am broke as a joke from PunkRock not working for 5 weeks. Did I write that disability only paid him for 4 weeks? Apparently, that is "standard." Lovely. The way his paychecks fall too - now that he is back to work - he didn't get paid at all this week, and his next paycheck in two weeks, will only be for 2 days. We are limping along. We went from zero credit card debt to $3000.

Something happy though - I was "complaining" to PunkRock that he hasn't bought me flowers since going on disability, and told him now that he is back to work, he better up his game. Well, he texted me today and I went to his work to pick this up:

https://www.amazon.com/photos/share/gZl6fgfX5xqUgTkGjjrcRlM0bPeUMtlGDDUIdqw1t2U

Yep. A pitcher plant! And it's already caught some flies! This man is amazeballs awesomesauce. I am so very lucky to have such a great husband!
 
So glad that yesterday is over. That was crazy stressful! PunkRock came home and patched over the pinholes in the basement that were allowing water in, and he bought the caulk needed to repair the stuff on the outside of the house. He has today off, and hopes to be able to take care of it this afternoon. It's supposed to rain again, but the Weather app says it's only a 30% from 11 am - 1 pm. I think he is meeting a friend around then up in Martinsburg to play infinity. He has games scheduled in Hagerstown in the afternoon, but so think his intention is to cancel those and work on the house stuff instead.

I was super horny last night and since he didn't seem like he was going to initiate, I straight up told PunkRock that I needed some attention. He didn't even hesitate, and we had some fun times. He got his hair cut recently and with his weight loss - be still my heart! ❤️

My brother and his baby mama had their baby yesterday afternoon - they named the baby Dawson. There was a lot of drama involved - my brother texted me and my sister in a group chat with two photos but no info, and then disappeared. My mom called me like 10 minutes later, frantic because my brother had not called her all day. I was like, uh, they were busy having a baby. She was SO upset - he never even called her to tell her they were at the hospital. So she was crying and hurt and I sent her a photo. I felt a little bad, but geez mom, it was literally less than 15 minutes after the baby was born, and her reaction was so very over the top.

I had a long text conversation with baby mama last night while at dinner with PunkRock (DarkKnight was at his play). I told her that no matter what was going on between her and my brother, that I would always want to try and help the kids out. Her and my brother have been having crazy fights because she doesn't want to go back to work, apparently, and he only makes like $10 an hour. Plus his work is not steady - he does landscaping. They rent a 3 bedroom house and can't afford it. I ended up ordering diapers for the new baby and my niece. We may be limping along here, but I seriously have no idea how they survive.

My best friend in NY called and talked to me for an hour yesterday too. She has been having communication issues with her boyfriend of two months. I told her about dating again, and we talked about online dating in general. It was good to discuss things with her, because it helps me to clarify my thoughts when I am trying to articulate things. I am pretty sure I want at least two new partners. I think just completely separating the FWB idea from the kink stuff would be the most fulfilling for me.

I don't want another primary partner, but having someone to hang out with and share sexy times would be good. I have continued to text with Greg, ever since he messaged me out of the blue. I am kind of cautious with that though, because I am pretty certain that I would be his primary, even if he wasn't mine. If I can get over the labels, I think that may work. If he is even interested. I mean, I have a feeling he would be, but I certainly haven't discussed anything with him yet, and I am not going to until I think about the logistics some more. It's true that I really like him and he has only ever been nothing but amazing to me. I think after I post this I am going to go re-read what I have written about him in the past.

There is a munch in Frederick next week, and I might attend that. Not to scope out new partners, but to get an idea of how that community has fared since I was last at a munch 4 years ago! I will have to talk to both of my husbands prior to that though. I want to try and keep them 100% in the loop of where my brain is at this time through.
 
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