samariana1022
New member
Bare with me, I've never blogged, or joined a forum, or anything like this. I'll try not to be too winded lol.
A few months ago I ended my long term relationship with my girlfriend. But, she was also my bestfriend. Strangely, even though i like dating both men and women, and prefer women, I tend not to be able to befriend them very easily. I was one of those girls growing up who stuck with the boys. I was on the football team, I've skateboarded since I thirteen and moved into longboarding a few years back. MY mother has always made fun of me for liking to date girls but not liking girls. I have a very hard time relating to them, but I still try.
So when I met my girlfriend, at the time neither of us believed we would end up where we did. My ex introduced us. At the time, he technically wasn't my ex. We were in an open relationship, he didn't want to tell the females he dated (I was 18 and thought I was in love) so I was always introduced as the gay bestfriend. But if the girl was willing, we had some "fun."
So me and my ex, we were dating the same guy and because of this we actually became very close. Eventually we both wised up, realised the guy was manipulating us and moved on but we stayed friends and later started a relationship.
Now, we quickly agreed we had no issues if the other dated other men but women were out of the question. We were both still young, weren't ready for anything too serious. But as the years went on what we were trying to avoid happened anyway. We became serious and started dating the same guys together.
Now, we both have had troubling past. It's the reason we ended things. She believed she was too screwed up and was bringing me down. She couldn't understand that by being not only her girlfriend but also her best friend, I would stick by her and help her with her problems. But she thought she was being a burden and shouldn't push her issues on me when I had my own. So she ended things. I was angry at her. But I got over it.
But...
It's been I'd say three or four months since we ended things. And as the days go on I have moments where i hope she'll text me to let me know she's okay, or at least still alive. And others, I want to hit her up myself. Of course I still care about her. It's hard to get over almost six years that quick. She was a female I was able to connect with and I haven't been able to find that again in any female in a platonic relationship or something more.
Sometimes I think I shouldn't waste my time. She ended things. She didn't want to accept mine or anyone else's help. But because I know how bad her situation was I worry she worse off now then she was before. So I question whether I should reach out even though I know she probably won't answer back.
Is it wrong for me to wish she would allow me to help her out? That I even still give a fuck? Anyone that knows me knows I tend not react to emotions. I have a hard time processing them even though I have a basic understanding of them. So when I make a connection with someone, I know it means something. But I also am usually able to sever said connection when it goes south fairly easy, so why can't I do so in this situation?
MY first poly relationship turned out to be one of the best times in my life but it also lead to one of the hardest. Maybe I'm just overthinking. I don't know....
A few months ago I ended my long term relationship with my girlfriend. But, she was also my bestfriend. Strangely, even though i like dating both men and women, and prefer women, I tend not to be able to befriend them very easily. I was one of those girls growing up who stuck with the boys. I was on the football team, I've skateboarded since I thirteen and moved into longboarding a few years back. MY mother has always made fun of me for liking to date girls but not liking girls. I have a very hard time relating to them, but I still try.
So when I met my girlfriend, at the time neither of us believed we would end up where we did. My ex introduced us. At the time, he technically wasn't my ex. We were in an open relationship, he didn't want to tell the females he dated (I was 18 and thought I was in love) so I was always introduced as the gay bestfriend. But if the girl was willing, we had some "fun."
So me and my ex, we were dating the same guy and because of this we actually became very close. Eventually we both wised up, realised the guy was manipulating us and moved on but we stayed friends and later started a relationship.
Now, we quickly agreed we had no issues if the other dated other men but women were out of the question. We were both still young, weren't ready for anything too serious. But as the years went on what we were trying to avoid happened anyway. We became serious and started dating the same guys together.
Now, we both have had troubling past. It's the reason we ended things. She believed she was too screwed up and was bringing me down. She couldn't understand that by being not only her girlfriend but also her best friend, I would stick by her and help her with her problems. But she thought she was being a burden and shouldn't push her issues on me when I had my own. So she ended things. I was angry at her. But I got over it.
But...
It's been I'd say three or four months since we ended things. And as the days go on I have moments where i hope she'll text me to let me know she's okay, or at least still alive. And others, I want to hit her up myself. Of course I still care about her. It's hard to get over almost six years that quick. She was a female I was able to connect with and I haven't been able to find that again in any female in a platonic relationship or something more.
Sometimes I think I shouldn't waste my time. She ended things. She didn't want to accept mine or anyone else's help. But because I know how bad her situation was I worry she worse off now then she was before. So I question whether I should reach out even though I know she probably won't answer back.
Is it wrong for me to wish she would allow me to help her out? That I even still give a fuck? Anyone that knows me knows I tend not react to emotions. I have a hard time processing them even though I have a basic understanding of them. So when I make a connection with someone, I know it means something. But I also am usually able to sever said connection when it goes south fairly easy, so why can't I do so in this situation?
MY first poly relationship turned out to be one of the best times in my life but it also lead to one of the hardest. Maybe I'm just overthinking. I don't know....