Have you experienced this?

R

rdos

Member
The scenario is that a girl and a guy are interested in each other, but has no common ground for meeting and don't dare to contact each other. The guy might frequent some place he knows the girl might also frequent. The girl notices the guy, but don't dare to make direct contact. Instead she will plan to happen to be at the place where she anticipates the guy to be, just hiding somewhere out of sight. As the guy is approaching, she will walk out in front of him (maybe some 10-50 metres in front). She will not make it obvious that she waited, rather slowly walk in front of him in order for him to catch up. She then hopes the guy will follow her.

Question to guys: Have you experienced this, and if so, what happened?

Question to girls: Have you done this, and if so, what happened?
 
Cant say that I have, I usually just walk up to the girl and start talking, and I tend to be interested in brazen girls so it is reversed as well.

Its rare to play that kind of coy game, it usually leaves someone hanging. To much chance for lost communication and lost interaction.
 
I've had half this scenario: someone interested, clearly trying to be where I am and do the whole coy thing and not directly engaging me.

What happened was I ignored them (and occasionally got creeped out by them). Mind games are a waste of time, too much drama, and I have better things to do. Someone who either likes drama that much, or who lacks any confidence, is a turn off for me.

YMMV, of course.



rdos said:
The scenario is that a girl and a guy are interested in each other, but has no common ground for meeting and don't dare to contact each other. The guy might frequent some place he knows the girl might also frequent. The girl notices the guy, but don't dare to make direct contact. Instead she will plan to happen to be at the place where she anticipates the guy to be, just hiding somewhere out of sight. As the guy is approaching, she will walk out in front of him (maybe some 10-50 metres in front). She will not make it obvious that she waited, rather slowly walk in front of him in order for him to catch up. She then hopes the guy will follow her.

Question to guys: Have you experienced this, and if so, what happened?

Question to girls: Have you done this, and if so, what happened?
Click to expand...
 
GreenAcres said:
I've had half this scenario: someone interested, clearly trying to be where I am and do the whole coy thing and not directly engaging me.

What happened was I ignored them (and occasionally got creeped out by them). Mind games are a waste of time, too much drama, and I have better things to do. Someone who either likes drama that much, or who lacks any confidence, is a turn off for me.

YMMV, of course.
Click to expand...

I've been there, too. Very unattractive.
 
This is a common symptom of a culture exposed to a deluge of sitcoms, romcoms, and chick flicks: too many people circling one another waiting for that "magic moment" to "just happen."

If someone simply must have a meet-cute story to tell the grandchildren, I suggest that they hire a scriptwriter, a director, and make sure that all the actors know their lines in advance. That's how you make a movie, not real life. Real life is sloppy, mistakes happen, connections are missed.

If you're looking for magic in the real world, remember the fundamental formula of magic: thought, word, and deed. Intent alone rarely accomplishes much.

Take chances. Approach those you're interested in and chat them up. If they're so unstable that a friendly word or smile blows their mind, you're better off without them in your life.
 
This sounds like the perception of a stalker.
 
Stalkers often have delusional beliefs about their victim being interested in them but not able to approach or respond to any approach they make.
 
london said:
Stalkers often have delusional beliefs about their victim being interested in them but not able to approach or respond to any approach they make.
Click to expand...

I have no idea about what you are talking about. In this scenario, it was clearly layed-out that this was an interaction between two people. It builds on a real case where both were 30+, so is not high-school either. Stalking typically requires that you know things about people, which you could have acquired through a previous failed relationship. In this case, the people involved don't know each other, don't even know each others identity, but rather are trying to get to know each other in an atypical way.

And I really dislike your use of "victim". By the way, which of the parties is the "victim" and why?
 
The person someone stalks is called a victim.

Yes, you outlined that the interest is mutual but the creepy way you described the situation reminded me of a stalker who is delusional and believes their victim wants their attention. Grown ups, the stable ones anyway, don't play these little games with each other. They'd just say "hi".

So sorry if you don't like it, but your OP sounds like a stalkers perspective of the interaction between their victim and themselves. Weird and creepy.
 
From the stalking page on wiki:
People characterized as stalkers may be accused of having a mistaken belief that another person loves them (erotomania), or that they need rescuing.
Click to expand...

Intimacy seekers seek to establish an intimate, loving relationship with their victim. Such stalkers often believe that the victim is a long-sought-after soul mate, and they were 'meant' to be together.
Incompetent suitors, despite poor social or courting skills, have a fixation, or in some cases, a sense of entitlement to an intimate relationship with those who have attracted their amorous interest. Their victims are most often already in a dating relationship with someone else.
Click to expand...

This goes some way to explaining why your OP reminded me of a stalker speaking about their relationship with the victim.
 
london said:
The person someone stalks is called a victim.
Click to expand...

I know, but which one is it in this particular case? Is the guy the stalker because he is going to some (in this case public) place? Is the girl a stalker because she is trying to walk in front of the guy?

london said:
Yes, you outlined that the interest is mutual but the creepy way you described the situation reminded me of a stalker who is delusional and believes their victim wants their attention. Grown ups, the stable ones anyway, don't play these little games with each other. They'd just say "hi".
Click to expand...

Uhm, couldn't the same be said about polyamory people? Isn't it also creepy to want to have multiple partners?

But what if these grown-ups want the other part to put down some effort in them to prove they really care? And what is really the difference between this and BD/SM play? Why is it creepy between strangers but not creepy between bonded parties?
 
Besides, as I wrote in another thread, I don't form or maintain attachments with sexual intercourse, and I also don't form attachments by talking to possible partners. In all relationships I've been in so far (which includes my current marriage), I always formed attachments in similar ways as in the initial text. That's my way of forming attachments, and if I'm creepy for liking it that way, let it be so.

BTW, I've never stalked anybody in the traditional sense of the word.
 
Any one of them could be the victim or the stalker. I just said that perspective reminds me of a stalker. It could be the female or the male.

And no, it isn't creepy to want multiple partners. It's not even remotely related to this scenario, either.

Why are you talking about BDSM, now? What has that got to do with the fact your Op reminded me of a stalker? We have one perspective of these people's interactions.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top