Hello, bit of a newbie but want to learn!


New member
I understand this does not come naturally to you both. You're already jealous of his hypothetical partners, and he's ready to fight any guy that might, accidentally or not, make you feel bad in some way. This is a shaky foundation for trust indeed. You're taking on a lot just to please him. Generally polyamory doesn't work well unless both partners are equally excited about the experiment and lovestyle.

In case you don't know, given our patriarchal culture, it's a huge step for many, if not most men to consent to "their" women having sex with other guys. It is seen as a sign of weakness to "allow" this, and has been for millennia. Therefore, unless guys are kinda "woke," it can blow up. As you Open, and word gets out that you're poly, you may be approached by a lot of men, some that you may find very attractive and compelling. (Sign on to a dating site and check the flood of messages.) This happens a lot. It's just something to be aware of. Your guy may need to let go of his possessive nature. (This isn't easy but it is definitely doable.) Most successful poly men learn to see their female partners differently, as independent women with the right to choose partners of any gender, and with the intelligence and discrimination to choose them wisely, in order to decrease the risk of being hurt. And if they do get hurt, poly men expect their female partners to roll with the punches and learn from their mistakes. Trying to preemptively prevent the risks by forbidding a gender or a certain sex act often backfires.
Thank you so much for your straight forward and informative answer. I'm trying to take into account all of the new information and possibilities that could take place while also not overwhelming us both with everything.

I know it seems like I'm just giving in to him but I could also just choose to leave and I've already played with the idea of what I'll do if it starts to backfire or if he attempts to be unreasonable or backs out because he feels it won't work or won't agree to even communicate with me. I doubt any of these scenarios will occur but I'm trying to make sure I'm prepared for the best and the worst possible scenarios. I'm trying to make the margin for grey area and misinterpretation of what we both want out of the relationship to be very minimal or even ideally non-existent. I just want to give us the best possible chance of success.