Hello from Paris

[TheJennings7]

Hello Community!

I am a female, American, living in Paris. I recently began a poly relationship, and though this relationship is challenging and I am not sure how long things will last, poly is definitely the way for me. In the past, I've been told I make a very intense lover, being far too much for one person to handle. I feel that polyamory allows me to be sexually open as a bi-female and satisfies me more than any mono relationship I've had or periods of time where I was having a lot of casual flings.

I live with a French couple who were dating for a year before we became a triad. What started as a roommate situation quickly turned romantic, and now things are all topsy-turvy. Communication problems (and I mean language barrier paired with lack of communication skills on all parts) have led to a lot of hurt feelings and jealousy. Does anyone have experience with improving communication?

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings TheJennings7,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Communication is a tough nut to crack ... definitely even tougher with a language barrier. In my experience, what you want is to learn how to be a good diplomat while being 100% honest at the same time. This is not easy. You have to be careful not to inadvertently imply an accusation towards the other person, while still stating your wants and needs and letting them know you're hoping they can help.

Even more important is to get better and better at listening. This means thinking less and less about what *you* want to say, and more and more sincerely focusing on hearing the other person and learning something from what they want to say. It often helps to repeat back to them what they just said using your own words, then asking them if you are understanding them.

If you do a search -- better yet a tag search -- on this site for "communication," you should be able to find a number of good threads on the subject. Communication is a very big deal in polyamory.

Oh and try googling "NVC" and "non-violent communication." There are books you can read on the subject; it is a group of techniques that many people swear by and have found to be a lifesaver.

Hope that helps for starters.
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

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