FeralGeek
Active member
My girlfriend shall be S, her husband K.
We have a group message, created by K and named after S. In it, K was speaking about his boredom-induced fiddling around with the homebrew DnD setting i had been slowly introducing to the two of them, along with a few others. He was rambling a bit, as he is wont, and spoke rather brusquely about something that i’ve been marinating on for longer than my teenage son has been alive and i didn’t appreciate the indelicacy. I didn’t consider the disrespect particularly personal at the time and after considering letting it slide, i decided to finally risk pointing out that he had, in very real point of fact, hurt my feelings with how he had phrased his reference to what i was sure was otherwise a very pleasurable afternoon of talking to an AI bot.
He attempted to reframe his words to take me out of the equation and eliminate any potential offense and i threw him the bone of acknowledging how much he was obviously enjoying playing in the world i created (to be fair) to be played in, he had just accidentally struck my nerves a few times when he “[sketched] random stuff” based entirely on something i had (i think) pretty clearly shown how much I valued. I made it very clear that a boundary had been crossed and that i wasn’t sure how to let him keep playing at worldbuilding without stepping on my toes.
Not long after that, K texted me on the side, outside of S’s group chat. He called me "buddy" and tried to metaphorically put his arm around my shoulder and explain how when more than two people are talking, the third can be made uncomfortable and, well, i had made the unfortunate mistake of accidentally making my girlfriend, his wife, uncomfortable.
Don’t worry, he asked her before he texted. She said she was. Uncomfortable, that is. We both knew she was in an appointment and wouldn’t be responding for at least another hour or so, too.
Anyway, while he acknowledged that the initial faux pas was a molehill, he also made a point to mention that he “[was not] going to talk more about that as I feel we’ve come to terms with it.” Worse, he wanted to make a deal with me to always come to him before risking making S uncomfortable, and it made it clear that this agreement was being offered without her knowledge and was intended to be kept a secret from her. You know, the old digital analog for a contract between aristocratic dicks.
This was of course upsetting. Understandably so, i thought.
I told my girlfriend that i would not be reaching out to K to follow up after i responded to his wall of text with my protestation that her absence in the conversation made ME uncomfortable and he spouted off something about his authority to speak on her behalf. Idk, i didn’t bother to read most of it, tbh.
Over a week later, he finally texted me to “clarify” any “misunderstandings” i might be having about his willingness to meet with me directly and professionally and to negotiate a peaceful resolution. Maybe his interpersonal skills were lost in translation last time, nevertheless, he is also unwilling to talk about who may or may not have been allegedly guilty of who says what anyway and he hoped he cleared that up and also that he wouldn’t negotiate with terrorists. More or less. I had done my grieving for my lost friend and the future paths now closed off to me by that point, so i simply reminded him that it's difficult to negotiate with someone who wants nothing you have.
We have a group message, created by K and named after S. In it, K was speaking about his boredom-induced fiddling around with the homebrew DnD setting i had been slowly introducing to the two of them, along with a few others. He was rambling a bit, as he is wont, and spoke rather brusquely about something that i’ve been marinating on for longer than my teenage son has been alive and i didn’t appreciate the indelicacy. I didn’t consider the disrespect particularly personal at the time and after considering letting it slide, i decided to finally risk pointing out that he had, in very real point of fact, hurt my feelings with how he had phrased his reference to what i was sure was otherwise a very pleasurable afternoon of talking to an AI bot.
He attempted to reframe his words to take me out of the equation and eliminate any potential offense and i threw him the bone of acknowledging how much he was obviously enjoying playing in the world i created (to be fair) to be played in, he had just accidentally struck my nerves a few times when he “[sketched] random stuff” based entirely on something i had (i think) pretty clearly shown how much I valued. I made it very clear that a boundary had been crossed and that i wasn’t sure how to let him keep playing at worldbuilding without stepping on my toes.
Not long after that, K texted me on the side, outside of S’s group chat. He called me "buddy" and tried to metaphorically put his arm around my shoulder and explain how when more than two people are talking, the third can be made uncomfortable and, well, i had made the unfortunate mistake of accidentally making my girlfriend, his wife, uncomfortable.
Don’t worry, he asked her before he texted. She said she was. Uncomfortable, that is. We both knew she was in an appointment and wouldn’t be responding for at least another hour or so, too.
Anyway, while he acknowledged that the initial faux pas was a molehill, he also made a point to mention that he “[was not] going to talk more about that as I feel we’ve come to terms with it.” Worse, he wanted to make a deal with me to always come to him before risking making S uncomfortable, and it made it clear that this agreement was being offered without her knowledge and was intended to be kept a secret from her. You know, the old digital analog for a contract between aristocratic dicks.
This was of course upsetting. Understandably so, i thought.
I told my girlfriend that i would not be reaching out to K to follow up after i responded to his wall of text with my protestation that her absence in the conversation made ME uncomfortable and he spouted off something about his authority to speak on her behalf. Idk, i didn’t bother to read most of it, tbh.
Over a week later, he finally texted me to “clarify” any “misunderstandings” i might be having about his willingness to meet with me directly and professionally and to negotiate a peaceful resolution. Maybe his interpersonal skills were lost in translation last time, nevertheless, he is also unwilling to talk about who may or may not have been allegedly guilty of who says what anyway and he hoped he cleared that up and also that he wouldn’t negotiate with terrorists. More or less. I had done my grieving for my lost friend and the future paths now closed off to me by that point, so i simply reminded him that it's difficult to negotiate with someone who wants nothing you have.
