Help me-- poly-fi relationship

[GSAS082612]

I have already made the point clear that I am not leaving the relationship I am in. But I will give you background information for you to understand what position I am in.

I am in a polyfidelitous relationship with a married couple. There is a trail of infidelity in their past and share a child and one on the way. In the beginning, my boyfriend cheated on her with his ex wife. He cheated on her 2x early on in the relationship and my girlfriend fired back with sleeping with a guy she barely knew. And he again cheated about 6-8 weeks after their daughter was born But she didn't find out until 3 months later then proceeded to marry him 4 months after finding out. (She naively expected the situation to change.)

Sam has cheated frequently, as well. Since his mistake, Glenn been has been faithful and remorseful. Sam was very angry after finding out But nothing happened within that time. It wasnt until early this year, before I was involved, that she cheated. She slept with her co-worker and her ex boyfriend 4 months later. She proceeded to have a relationship with her ex without Glenn knowing. G

Glenn only found out about her ex at the time. She admitted reluctantly to one time. He found it equal and dealt. But when he found out she cheated with her ex another time, she tried to hide it and only admitted to it after being forced.

Anyway, he asked to know everything and she hid one time with her coworker because she was "protecting" Him. he just found out on Christmas about the co-worker thing (a day before our 4 month anniversary). He's distancing himself and isn't sure if he can trust or stay anymore. She and I both had his heart and she just dropped it and it shattered, despite my faithfulness and honesty. There is no guarantee that he can stay with us. If he leaves, he leaves me too.

I am willing to fight for him, but he has to give me the chance. I love him with all I have. I've made it clear that if I lose Glenn because of Sam, I will never forgive her.

I am just not sure how to approach this situation. How should I do this? How should I approach him? How do I deal? What do I do?

 

[Emm]

Rather than posting the same thing over and over as new threads, why don't you leave it in one thread so that everyone answers in the same place? As it is, you'll have people giving you similar advice in different threads and have to keep explaining yourself in each one to people who haven't seen what you've written in the others.

It would also be useful if you'd use paragraph breaks and pay a little attention to spelling and capitalisation. I've not read the entirety of any of your thread-openers yet because my eyeballs give up halfway through.

 

[IndieSolo]

^This.

 

[opalescent]

I don't get why Glenn leaving Sam means leaving you too.

Can your partners get counseling? They desperately need all kinds of relationship-skill development. It is also something they and you could work on without a counselor.

I get you love these people, and you won't leave them. I suppose this could be where you learn what not to do in a relationship. It could also be where you learn that love is not enough to make a relationship healthy, safe, and joyful.

 

[GSAS082612]

Rather than posting more-or-less the same thing over and over as new threads, why don't you leave it in one thread so that everyone answers in the same place? As it is, you'll have people giving you similar advice in different threads and have to keep explaining yourself in each one to people who haven't seen what you've written in the others.

It would also be useful if you'd use paragraph breaks and pay a little attention to spelling and capitalisation. I've not read the entirety of any of your thread-openers yet because my eyeballs give up half-way through.

If you're not going to make a comment that involves helping me, don't comment at all. It's fairly rude. I just am look for help. Not everyone is as good at grammar as you are. Again, excuse me for not being perfect, like you.

 

[GSAS082612]

I don't get why he leaving her means leaving you too.

Can your partners get counseling? They desperately need all kinds of relationship skill development. It is also something they and you could work on without a counselor.

I also get you love these people. And you won't leave them. I suppose this could be where you learn what *not* to do in a relationship. It could also be where you learn that love is not enough to make a relationship healthy, safe, and joyful.

Your help means a lot to me. It is greatly appreciated. I never considered a counselor. This could work. I hope it does. Thank you for all your help.

 

[GSAS082612]

Rather than posting more-or-less the same thing over and over as new threads, why don't you leave it in one thread so that everyone answers in the same place? As it is you'll have people giving you similar advice in different threads and have to keep explaining yourself in each one to people who haven't seen what you've written in the others.

It would also be useful if you'd use paragraph breaks and pay a little attention to spelling and capitalisation. I've not read the entirety of any of your thread-openers yet because my eyeballs give up half-way through.

and it is *capitalization

 

[Emm]

If you're not going to make a comment that involves helping me, don't comment at all. It's fairly rude. I'm just looking for help. Not everyone is as good at grammar as you are. Again, excuse me for not being perfect, like you.

I think suggesting that you actually explain what you're after in understandable language so that people are able to offer you the advice you seek is helpful. As it is, most people are not going to bother reading what you can't be bothered to write properly, and you won't end up with any useful input. The fact that it would also prevent you spamming the forum is just a happy side effect.

and it is *capitalization

Not if the person typing it lives outside of the USA.

 

[GalaGirl]

There's trouble between Glenn and Sam due to past cheating. You could ask him how this affects his feelings for you. Is he willing to continue to be in a relationship with you in a "V" shape, where you are the shared partner, and you keep your relationships with Glenn and also the one with Sam, even if they break up? Or is he willing to keep in relationship with you, but not willing to be in relationship with you, if you are also in relationship with Sam?

I love him with all I have. I've made it clear that if I lose Glenn because of Sam, I will never forgive her. How do I deal?

You are not going to lose Glenn because of Sam. She does not control his behavior.

You cannot be a mind reader, so just ask Glenn where he stands with you, straight up and from the heart.

He controls his own behavior. Things will likely play out along these lines, with what Glenn is willing to do or not:

• He is not willing to be with either of you.
• He is willing to be with you while you are still with Sam.
• He is willing to be with you only if you are not with Sam.
• Some other thing I can't think of right now.

Basically, the only thing you can do at this point is ask Glenn where he stands with you, if you want to know. So ask him. Then you'll have clear information and can choose your next behavior.

Let them know you are sorry this is happening, and then let them sort themselves out on their end of things. But this couple keeps having issues. It makes a lot of drama in your life. If this is chronic, and costing you your own well-being, you might consider walking away. I know you are not willing to do that.

You are struggling with deciding the right thing to do. But when you don't know what or whom to pick, pick yourself. Put your own oxygen mask on first.

Breaking up is rough, but it's not like you can't get back together later down the road. There are lots of stories of people who break up and come back in the fullness of time.

Remember to breathe as you try to decide what is best for your health right now. It will all come out in the wash, one way or another. Even if it hurts right now, even if it stinks, take care of yourself. Get some sleep, eat, go to work, step away from the drama and stress. Take one baby step at a time.

 

[GSAS082612]

I think suggesting that you actually explain what you're after in understandable language so that people are able to offer you the advice you seek is helpful. As it is, most people are not going to bother reading what you can't be bothered to write properly, and you won't end up with any useful input. The fact that it would also prevent you spamming the forum is just a happy side effect.

...Not if the person typing it lives outside of the US.

Excuse me. I am just trying to get help. I am not used to this sort of thing. Again, almost everyone has a problem or two with bad grammar. I am sorry you don't like it. I still think it's rude to bash someone who is using this site for help and advice purposes. If you have a problem, don't comment. I didn't do anything to you. I am already feeling like shit, as it is. You don't have to be so vindictive and cruel.

 

[Emm]

I have been neither vindictive nor cruel. I have simply suggested that in order to receive useful advice you should write your questions in such a way that you can be understood. I based this suggestion on the assumption that you are here seeking help. If, rather, you are here to wallow in drama, and have no wish to be clearly understood, then I withdraw the suggestion.