Heterosexual woman, mostly in a long-term triad, but now finding my wings

Bsweet2Bev

Member
I was married for 24 years until my husband passed away three years ago. For most of my marriage I was in a long-term triad living with my husband and my boyfriend. Unfortunately, when my husband died it was like breaking off the leg of a three legged stool. It just didn’t work anymore. Currently my former boyfriend and I live as roommates. He is 18 years older than I, so I’ve become his primary caregiver. I’ve been in a relationship with a local widower who is new to the poly lifestyle and is just branching out. Currently I’ve been dating another guy also but it isn’t sexual (at least for now). I was very free loving in my twenties and early thirties, but I feel I’m getting too old (54) to devote that much time to dating. I’m mainly come to this site to explore how others handle poly relationships. I’d like to keep things in my life safe and satisfying for everyone involved. I think I’ve always been the nurturer.

I retired medically seven years ago and we moved closer to my husband’s family in middle Georgia. I’ve always kept my relationships discreet because there’s a lot of judgement in the southern Bible Belt. I love our home and small neighborhood (we have a wonderful lesbian couple who live next door), but currently we are all recovering from the damage caused by Hurricane Helene. Someday my life will get back to “normal”. I’m enjoying reading different bios and discussions. It’s so nice to have a place to blog without judgement.
 
I'm interested in hearing more of your story. I am in a triad with my wife and girlfriend. Coincidentally, our girlfriend is 18 years younger than me. I think if something happened to me, they (wife and girlfriend) would stay together, but if something happened to my wife, I'm not sure the girlfriend would stay with me, but maybe I'm just being pessimistic.
 
It’s hard to imagine what might happen. My Ed died suddenly during the COVID crisis. It gutted us all. I thought that the bf and I would continue, but we differed on the view of what the future might be. He wanted a monogamous relationship, but I was confused about what I wanted. He got upset when I started talking to others online and things just fell apart. We still care about each other, but the romantic relationship is gone.

You might want to ask the hypothetical question to both of your partners about what might happen if one of you passes. Some people never want to talk about death. Unfortunately, my Ed was one of them. I could never get him to draft a will. I just redrafted my will this weekend because my old one left everything to him.

When we make plans life just laughs at us.
 
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