Hi there,
Ah, the introductions thread. Hope you all are well. Right, I've read the "How To Write An Introduction" post so hopefully I will not veer too wildly away from what it suggests.
I am male, married, early forties (though young at heart, dear God I sound like Disco Dad), monogamous, father of two, heterosexual as far as I am aware, and I live in the UK. I joined this site for a couple of reasons. One is that my wife, to whom I have been married for going on ten years, seems - to my concludy-jumpy mind, at any rate - to be dropping some heavy hints about polyamory. Well, I say polyamory; I suspect that her interest is more casual rather than anything long-term for now. How do I feel about this? I actually don't mind it. If anything I find it pretty exciting, though I am often not entirely sure how serious she is (I know, I know, communication barrier alert!
I am working on that.)
There is a part of me also that finds it dovetails with a polyamorous lifestyle. In many ways, the nature of monogamy seems odd. Often it can come across as all tied up with possession and ownership, which doesn't seem all that healthy. One phrase that's been banging about my mind for a while is that there seem to be more rules and expectations stating who we are allowed to love than there are concerning who we can hate. This may or may not be true, but, well, it sounded good to me, and it can seem that way at times. There are lots of people in the world busy being attracted to lost of other people and I cannot believe that is somehow bad or wrong. There's so many worse things to fret about.
All that being said, when I see people in mono relationships that are clearly happy as anything, I feel a little spark of - not exactly jealousy but - like a sense that they "have it sussed" and I am somehow missing something, but I do wish those people well and generally give them a big thumbs up but my life and mindset seem not to have borne the same things out for myself, no matter how ideal the situation. I was terribly shy as a child, properly socially anxious, so it took me a long while to lose my virginity and when I did, I thought: right, next step: find the one. But I dated and had girlfriends and so on and as I went, I seemed more and more to be not quite getting it right, to - I hate to say it but - to be looking out for something more. I felt pretty bad about this several times, but it's not as if I ran over someone's dog, is it? Is desire so bad? I like to think not.
So back to my wife: she has dropped the occasional hint over the years but I have simply assumed she was joking. Now she has been watching that "My Four Wives" programme and I know that's a separate kettle of fish, and not entirely my bag as it is a little too "about the guy" for me, but her general interest artound the subject piqued mine and I'm kind of kicking myself. She had a bit of a bad time recently so I bought her a ticket to the Mediterranean for a week, just for herself, and all I could think was that she's going to get hit on and whatnot (and she's alluded to it too, but in an equal way, saying things to me like "I look tense, I should get myself a girlfriend"). Anyway, despite all the inner voices chanting "it's wrong, you're an idiot" I found myself just a bit thrilled. Perhaps it's odd but I am considering popping a box of contraceptives in her suitcase and making some witty remark as she leaves, about how there's an early birthday present in there for her or something, saying "don't get pregnant, don't get abducted, and just make sure you come back." Maybe that's weird, I dunno, but I just want to put that up front. Like I said, we joke around alot. She often makes comments about other women (tonight's was "Columbian women are hot") and, well, I think it's all just fantastic. It's all the more intriguing since she was very conservative way back. I feel like she's had an awakening and I want to go with her on that journey. The next step is, well, taking the next step, really, isn't it?
Well, that's me. Hope I haven't violated the T's and C's (my activation email seems to not have arrived so maybe I've stumbled at the first hurdle or maybe the internet's just slow tonight - who knows? Mods? Anyone ) and here's to hoping my username is rendered irrelevevant soon! Updates to follow...
Ta-ta for now, as they say.
Ah, the introductions thread. Hope you all are well. Right, I've read the "How To Write An Introduction" post so hopefully I will not veer too wildly away from what it suggests.
I am male, married, early forties (though young at heart, dear God I sound like Disco Dad), monogamous, father of two, heterosexual as far as I am aware, and I live in the UK. I joined this site for a couple of reasons. One is that my wife, to whom I have been married for going on ten years, seems - to my concludy-jumpy mind, at any rate - to be dropping some heavy hints about polyamory. Well, I say polyamory; I suspect that her interest is more casual rather than anything long-term for now. How do I feel about this? I actually don't mind it. If anything I find it pretty exciting, though I am often not entirely sure how serious she is (I know, I know, communication barrier alert!
I am working on that.)There is a part of me also that finds it dovetails with a polyamorous lifestyle. In many ways, the nature of monogamy seems odd. Often it can come across as all tied up with possession and ownership, which doesn't seem all that healthy. One phrase that's been banging about my mind for a while is that there seem to be more rules and expectations stating who we are allowed to love than there are concerning who we can hate. This may or may not be true, but, well, it sounded good to me, and it can seem that way at times. There are lots of people in the world busy being attracted to lost of other people and I cannot believe that is somehow bad or wrong. There's so many worse things to fret about.
All that being said, when I see people in mono relationships that are clearly happy as anything, I feel a little spark of - not exactly jealousy but - like a sense that they "have it sussed" and I am somehow missing something, but I do wish those people well and generally give them a big thumbs up but my life and mindset seem not to have borne the same things out for myself, no matter how ideal the situation. I was terribly shy as a child, properly socially anxious, so it took me a long while to lose my virginity and when I did, I thought: right, next step: find the one. But I dated and had girlfriends and so on and as I went, I seemed more and more to be not quite getting it right, to - I hate to say it but - to be looking out for something more. I felt pretty bad about this several times, but it's not as if I ran over someone's dog, is it? Is desire so bad? I like to think not.
So back to my wife: she has dropped the occasional hint over the years but I have simply assumed she was joking. Now she has been watching that "My Four Wives" programme and I know that's a separate kettle of fish, and not entirely my bag as it is a little too "about the guy" for me, but her general interest artound the subject piqued mine and I'm kind of kicking myself. She had a bit of a bad time recently so I bought her a ticket to the Mediterranean for a week, just for herself, and all I could think was that she's going to get hit on and whatnot (and she's alluded to it too, but in an equal way, saying things to me like "I look tense, I should get myself a girlfriend"). Anyway, despite all the inner voices chanting "it's wrong, you're an idiot" I found myself just a bit thrilled. Perhaps it's odd but I am considering popping a box of contraceptives in her suitcase and making some witty remark as she leaves, about how there's an early birthday present in there for her or something, saying "don't get pregnant, don't get abducted, and just make sure you come back." Maybe that's weird, I dunno, but I just want to put that up front. Like I said, we joke around alot. She often makes comments about other women (tonight's was "Columbian women are hot") and, well, I think it's all just fantastic. It's all the more intriguing since she was very conservative way back. I feel like she's had an awakening and I want to go with her on that journey. The next step is, well, taking the next step, really, isn't it?
Well, that's me. Hope I haven't violated the T's and C's (my activation email seems to not have arrived so maybe I've stumbled at the first hurdle or maybe the internet's just slow tonight - who knows? Mods? Anyone
) and here's to hoping my username is rendered irrelevevant soon! Updates to follow...Ta-ta for now, as they say.
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