hi from california!

[squashflowers]

I'm 8 years married to a wonderful man. we're in an open marriage and we have been since the beginning. It feels good to have the open honesty and communication between us about very normal urges towards other people. we have both had flings over the years. my husband just lost his girlfriend, so i'm bummed about that since they were so good together (and he was so much happier with her). she left to find a single man - she likes me but doesn't like the idea of never having a man of her own.
since then there was one potential that we talked about and pre approved, and then i found out something about her past and not respecting another woman's relationship boundaries and i freaked out and retracted my approval. she doesn't seem interested in anything more than friendship with him, but she cuddled with him and took naked pictures with him and told him she loves him and when i was concerned about those behaviors she got drunk and told him not to let me make them not be friends then he hung out at her house with a friend until 4am even though i told him no over the phone. and that made me feel very VERY cautious about her real intentions, since she knew i didn't want him drinking more after bar time. i had to tell her to back off and she did for a couple months. but she is still around and i've been trying to heal the situation since she honestly hasn't tried anything sexual and she wants to respect me. and now my husband undermining my friendship with her by telling her i dont like her, and making jokes about me poisoning her. i wish they respected me more. seems nobody respects a woman in an open marriage. either they disrespect you in secret or they break your relationship boundaries before you can tell them what they are.
but i've seen how she behaves around taken men, and she just likes the attention. she treats everybody as if they were her boyfriend. never mind that the friend's girlfriend doesn't want him staying at her house... if its not sexual then is the betrayal only a superficial relationship boundary? you dont have to have sex or kiss to betray another

not feeling happy right now.. i dont trust her.
its not okay with me for them to be 'friends' while she disrespects me. i told him it was either all or none. as in they can be friends and hang out WITH me or she can stay out of our lives permanently.
i wish we could just find another girlfriend for him so he'd stop trying to hang out with the disrespectful 'platonic' friend...

 

[PolyinPractice]

It's easy to blame the other woman, but don't forget that your husband is ultimately responsible for his relationship with you-- not her.

 

[kdt26417]

Hey squashflowers,

I don't have much advice to offer, but I did at least want to welcome you to our forum. I hope you guys can find another girlfriend for your husband; doesn't sound like the current girlfriend is very helpful or reliable.

If there's anything we can do on Polyamory.com to help out, let us know. Lots of good resources to tap into here, so get comfortable with a nice hot cup of tea; hope you'll enjoy your stay.

Regards and best wishes,
Kevin T.

 

[SNeacail]

then he hung out at her house with a friend until 4am even though i told him no over the phone. and that made me feel very VERY cautious about her real intentions, since she knew i didn't want him drinking more after bar time.

I don't see how this is her responsibility - this was something your husband chose to do. She is not his mother or his babysitter.

I can see where you wouldn't trust her, but your bigger problem is with your husband. If he's making fun of you to her, especially knowing how you feel about her, then he is telling you that HE has no respect for you. Stop telling her to back off, that's your husband's job. Unless she is committing criminal acts of stalking, she is keeping contact with your husband at his request.