H'ok So.....

Another busy weekend ahead!

Tonight I need to go grocery shopping to get the food stuff for a birthday cookout for my Mom tomorrow. She turned 60 on Monday! Sudo and I will be going up first thing Sat morning if the weather holds out and helping mulch her flower beds, then the cookout in the afternoon/evening. Then all that organizing on Sunday afternoon, and then I'm going to a concert Sunday night with my brother to see his favorite band, and one that I also really like, Sevendust! I've seen them several times and they put on a great performance every time.

Last night was another night with Mr. Hyde. He continues to rock my world in the sexy times department in terms of new experiences and just the whole overall male aggression thing that I find super hot. And honestly, after doing Domme stuff with Sudo, I can totally see why more guys get into being more dominant or being tops. I used to think the idea of people really being into spanking just seemed silly. Sure, a swat on the butt when you're walking by, or an ass grab is great. But what's the point of an actual spanking!? BUTT (see what I did there?!), now that I've taken a hand and riding crop to Sudo's cute little butt, I definitely see the appeal. It's fun to see all the marks that get left, fun to watch him jump and flinch and make all sorts of cute and or sexy noises, etc. As for being on the receiving end, I don't like pain, but the submission of it and feeling powerless and controlled by someone else.... very sexy. Mr. Hyde and I are still new enough sexual partners, and I'm still new enough to kink and D/s, that it seems like every time I see him I'm trying something new I've never done before, which has also been crazy fun! And he's got lots of experience with it, so I feel pretty confident in trusting him to just do whatever since he reads my body language very well. Even in these early stages I've never had to even call yellow. It seems like right about the time I'm thinking I might need to say it soon, he pulls back! So needless to say, things are coming along smoothly. He also played 2 more banjo songs for me after the play session and cuddles. And we just talked about random stuff.

He apologized for sort of cutting the evening short because Mrs. Hyde called and texted at one point in the evening and then texted again later as she was having a rough night (was away at a conference but it must not have been all that far away because she was getting together with someone she'd been on a few dates with and apparently it went very poorly). It was actually almost midnight, and this was an extra date not on our customary every other week, so I had to work today, so it actually didn't really feel cut short to me anyway other than maybe a bit less cuddle/chat time at the end. Well, and for once we only had sex the one time, but it was long and intense, so I didn't feel like I was being pushed out the door. And anyways, I told him that I understood that his partner was going through something and she needed his support. If she'd interrupted over something unimportant, I'd have been pissed, but that wasn't the case. And he even said that she's usually really big on NOT interrupting, so if she felt the need to both text and then call, then she must be feeling particularly bad, which really sucks, and I felt bad for her.

He also gave me a heads up that he's just started dating someone else. Apparently, he started talking to her waaaaay back around the same time he started talking to me, but for one reason or another he wasn't even sure if it would even work out that they would date, and it's just now finally happening. I guess she's already in a serious relationship with another Dom, so there were logistics there about whether all parties were ready/comfortable with that scenario where she might eventually have 2 Doms, or have her Dom and just have someone else Topping her, or if that meant extra rules based on D/s stuff? I didn't get details other than just those basics, but it's interesting to me in terms of the dynamics and how all that would work out, so of course I'm curious. That sort of stuff is the type of thing that makes me wish this could eventually be much more kitchen table style with everyone meeting and occasionally interacting just so that I can put faces to names and learn more about metamours and all. But I have no intention of pushing that, and it's really just a curiosity, not a necessity. Right now, I accept that my relationship with Mr. Hyde is more of Dom/sub and not boyfriend/girlfriend. Whether or not it ever goes that way, or if he considers that to be sort of be a given within the D/s element.... I'm not sure. As much as I'd love to ask, I don't want to seem clingy or seem like I'm trying to force some escalation to the relationship, since again, it's more out of curiosity and not because I feel like it needs to go there. It's silly how we get so used to labels and status so that it feels weird to not be able to appropriately place them.
 
The weekend was great! The 60th birthday cook-out that we had for my mom's birthday, and I guess sorta mother's day too, went off really well. The weather finally broke and so it only rained before and after, but the sun came out enough to dry the grass and make it not horribly cold. Mom got tons of cards and even a few presents. Lots of friends and family attended and she was just thrilled. Plus, she didn't have to mess with the set up or clean up and could just have a good time. Yay!!

The rest of the weekend was spent with Sudo and Peach on the organizing stuff. Sunday I did some organizing alone with Sudo since Peach had to go into the office for a bit and then went to RCT's place to help him sort through and pack some things. When she came back we did more organizing, etc. It went much better with Sudo than I had anticipated. Still some stressful conversations where I was trying to convince him to get rid of some things that are just unnecessary. Afterward I asked him on a scale of 1-10 how bad it was for him stress-wise, 10 being like I'm going to have an anxiety attack or just flip out and give up. He said he wasn't sure, but between like a 5-7 depending on the moment. I can work with that. And I figure it will help me to know how we can best work through more of the organizing stuff in the future.

I think part of the problem is that there are things that Sudo WANTS to do (he likes building little computer electronic things) but realistically, I know he doesn't have time to do all the things he wants. So in my mind, why are we saving, storing, and paying movers to move a million piece parts for something unlikely to happen? But at the same time, I want to support his hobbies! Anyway, we managed to condense his stuff into fewer, more organized plastic bins that actually fit under the guest bed, plus also stored some of Peach's winter shoes away, and got other under the bed storage for clothing items like beach towels, seasonal clothes, etc. Last night RCT was at Sudo and Peach's house so they got the treadmill apart and out of the office and to the garage. So really, there are just a few more things to sell/store from that room and then it's all freed up for RCT to move in! Which is good since we have to clear out the room this weekend in preparation for his first bit of furniture to come next Tues! After that room is clear, it will be on to the garage, and also getting some furniture bits into the storage that won't be needed until future house.

Basically I'm just super pumped about this whole process! Yeah, I have some worries and concerns, but I think we all make a good team and enjoy time together. So this realist is attempting to be an optimist. For this at least.

With all of that going on over the weekend, I ended up calling out for a personal day yesterday and sleeping in. I wrapped up some laundry and cleaning at Sudo's in the morning after they left, and then went back to my place to spend a glorious day paying attention to my own apartment, getting stuff done and still being able to later be lazy and read and watch TV and snuggle with the kitties. Fantastic!

I'm slightly bummed that Mr. Hyde is getting ready to be on travel for 3 weeks. Since I saw him last week that will really make it more like a whole month between times when we could see each other. And that's only if I'm lucky enough that the 1 day between when he returns and when I leave for 5 days we can make a get together work! But he's doing cool stuff, and my life is busy right now with this moving craziness, so it's ok. This is the lift of busy poly people I guess!

Got busy at work and now I need to be off to a work happy hour as a farewell to a friend who is taking another job!
 
Grr, started a blog post and then my computer needed to reboot and forgot I had a half written blog post, so I lost it!

Anyway, The weekend was nice and it helped that I had this past Friday off to spend the day at home doing laundry and swapping out my winter/summer wardrobe, etc.

I later went to visit my friend/ex Pi and we hung out to chat and then grabbed dinner and watched an episode of Rick and Morty. The show is pretty funny even if it is disgusting for a cartoon! Plus, it was nice to have a hangout with Pi where he didn't go all Eyore on me and spend a ton of time talking about how nothing is working out for him. I'm not going to go into it here, but his life really isn't that bad, and part of the reason many things aren't going well is that he set himself up into those circumstances. Anyway, I feel for him, but I can only hear it so many times before I shut down. So it was nice for things to not go there for once and just be able to enjoy each other's company!

After that, it was off to Sudo's place to change quickly and head out to one of the local BDSM clubs. They're sadly closing at the end of the month when their lease is up until they can find a bigger space in a hopefully nearby town that will give them less issues with the zoning board and who knows what else! We weren't planning on going until that day when Peach asked us in group chat if we were planning to go to their 80's prom theme night (apparently someone she's friends with was possibly going). I didn't have any prom wear, but I ended up going in a white corset with a black short skirt and black tie as a sort of play on the slutty female version of men's prom-wear! I thought it actually turned out really well! Interesting turn of events, at the end of the night when I was walking across the open floor space to leave a guy asked if I would walk on him (there were a short chain of events leading up to this that were just as out of the blue, but yeah). I was a little surprised (though should I have been in that environment?! haha) and was like "er, like literally walk on you?" but hey, that's what the man wanted and the 5" black snake skin pattern hooker heels that I was wearing deserve to have a submissive man underneath of them every once in a while! So I obliged and he laid down on the ground and for a few minutes I literally walked all over this guy, like full weight, and told him kiss the bottom of my shoes and suck on the heel.... which he happily did. So I got to giggle at the fun circumstances and try something new, and I'm sure I made at least part of that dude's night.

The rest of the weekend was spent being significantly more vanilla and just cleaning out more of the office and garage, making a run to the dump and goodwill, and getting RCT's future bedroom clean. We finally got it empty, dusted, and vacuumed and then Sunday night he brought up a car load of clothes and such. Tomorrow he's bringing up what little furniture will fit in that room (bed and dresser) and he'll be officially moved in. All the rest of his condo furniture is being stored in the spare room of his condo until he can get it into a storage unit.

But basically, yay progress! We also had lots of conversations about time-lines for that moving stuff, etc. Peach has been at Joe's all weekend and comes back tonight, so she'll get to see the progress and everyone I think will be happy!

Tonight, I will be vegging out on the couch with my fur babies. There will be ice cream, and it will be glorious!
 
I may or may not have developed a shopping problem. Ha!

After a lifetime of being plus-sized and struggling to find clothes that fit well, looked good, etc. I now can shop in pretty much any regular store, and after having to replace my entire wardrobe once or twice in the process, well, now I kinda love shopping! Granted, I don't constantly buy crap online and get things shipped, and I don't get out to stores crazy often... but when I do then manage to go to a store or mall for other reasons, or for a quick errand, it's easy for me to get sucked into "oooo, look, pretty clothes!" My saving grace is that I'm cheap and the idea of spending a ton of money on just a few items makes me cringe. So while I may have spent around $200 this past weekend on clothes, I got a TON of stuff, and most of it was on sale.

On top of that, I drove up to PA for a day trip to visit my friend and help her go through her cedar closet since she wanted to get rid of a bunch of stuff. Her body shape has changed a bunch since having a baby (and she plans to have a few more). She still looks great, but it just means that she prefers a different style of clothes now. So she had a bunch things to get rid of and it just so happens that now I fit into quite a few of those clothes. My sis-in-law generally can fit into any of the things that I can't. So I took an entire trash bag of clothes, stopped by my brother and sis-in-law's place on the way back to Sudo's, and we tried everything on to figure out what we'd each take and what neither of us could take or wanted to. Woo! To top it off, our friend has more expensive taste than my sis-in-law and I do, so we were definitely getting nice stuff. I was also able to get 2 things that needed a few stitches fixed by my SIL as I'd already been planning to swing by her place for help with those alterations anyway. So yay for a productive Sunday! And all of that happened after stopping by my grandfather's place to visit with him and my mom quickly on the way up to my friend's house. It wasn't nearly a long enough visit, so I really need to plan another trip up there soon. Maybe I'll try to go up the Monday I have off for Memorial Day or something.

Peach is fighting off a pretty sucky cold right now, so I'm REALLY hoping that I don't get it. Though having spent time in her house this weekend means chances are probably high that I'll get the nasty bug and feel like I'm dying for a few weeks. I should probably start popping vitamin C and other such things like candy NOW as a precaution!

On the house to-do list front, I took several bags of donatable clothes that were Peach and RCT's and dropped them in one of those bins. Sudo also tore down an old, not safe shelving unit in the garage and put together a more sturdy replacement one that he was able to buy from his office, since it wasn't needed there. Supposedly he's gotten a bunch of stuff now organized in the garage, but I got back late enough last night that I didn't really pop in to look. If he did though, Yay! I'll have to think of an appropriate reward for him so I can express how much I appreciate him putting in all this effort when he's had so many things going on.
 
Possible serious changes in the polycule. Not my relationship directly, but is still likely to have a large impact on where things are going with the shared housing thing and what we need to consider with that whole situation. It's not even worth blogging about just yet in detail since I'm lacking in much of the details. I hope to know more tonight and be able to gather my thoughts more :(
 
Where to begin?

For some time now, there has been strain between Sudo and Peach. They've barely had a sexual relationship since I started dating Sudo (not that it started when I showed up, it was already like that) but is non-existent now. While that wasn't my cup of tea, I never judged. People change, they grow. I know they love each other, but maybe they just weren't really a romantic fit anymore? I tried to take the "not my relationship to manage" approach. But more recently, they've been arguing more, frustrated with each other more, etc. Peach wants Sudo to be more affectionate, but she yells at him a lot for even the smallest of things. Sudo has a hard time feeling affectionate when he's constantly being yelled at and always doing something wrong in her eyes, so it becomes a cycle.

There's been a ton of overall stress on them both lately. Peach when through a huge breakup with the poly married couple she dated for 2 years, they were both having major stresses at work with a crazy co-worker, who was finally gone, but replaced by someone who it turns out is no better. Sudo just let go one of his assistants. They're overworked. We've also been dealing with all the crazy stuff of the house plans. Fixing up Sudo and Peach's house, RCT moving in, etc.

So even though Sudo and Peach have been going through a rough patch, I figured, hey, that can happen in a relationship. They've been married for 10 years, they just need to get through this, get rid of some of the stress and talk through the issues.

Well 2 nights ago they apparently had a huge serious talk, and Peach doesn't want to not be able to live with a romantic partner, is the gist of it. Right now, the sound in my head is one of a reacord player needle being pulled off a spinning record. Where the fuck did this come from when we've been having all these convos about sharing a house together?! Honestly, I'm completely caught off guard, because her only romantic partner right now is Joe, who lives 2-3 hours away, which he always has from the start. I understand if the issue was that she just wanted assurances that in future house the possibility of a romantic partner of hers being able to live in the house needs to exist. OK, makes complete sense, whether that's Joe, or some other partner she may or may not develop. Got it. But no, apparently in the NEAR future, she doesn't want to have to not be able to live with a romantic partner.... again, the only one is Joe. The only way she could live with Joe, is if he moves up here, or she moves down there. If Joe moves up here, he'd have to renegotiate his custody agreement, so I'm not sure how viable that is. I have no problem if he wanted to do that and move up here, it just means that we need to reassess the house situation since it might then be better if RCT got his own place so we wouldn't have to have as many as sometimes 5 adults and 2 kids in the same damn house... way too many. If he can't move up here, she actually is talking about moving down there. But that would mean either seeing if work would allow her to work remotely, or changing jobs. In either case, she's talking such a short time frame (like 2-3 months) that I don't know how that would impact our house situation up here. Would we still get a place with RCT? Would Sudo and Peach be forced to sell/rent their house early, in which case, where are we going? Are they going to get officially divorced if that happens? (I hope so, not that I want them to get divorced, but why the fuck would you stay divorced to someone that you were basically only friends with, and now weren't even roommates with?!)

Meanwhile, I have no idea if Peach has even discussed this with Joe. For all I know this is all just what she wants to happen and isn't based at all in the reality of what is possible. Maybe Joe can't/won't move up here because of custody, but maybe he's not ready to have someone he's seeing live with him full time again after only recently divorcing? Or maybe he is. Then again, Sudo handles all the house finances and even though Sudo makes more, Peach spends way more of their disposable income. Is she going to be able to manage her shit if she has to live off of just her own budget? That in and of itself I think is going to be a rude awakening for her.

I feel bad for RCT since he literally JUST moved into their house based on us discussing this house plan for MONTHS and now she's springing this. I'm also frustrated since for MONTHS we've been talking about this house plan and this is just now coming up. I don't get it! I'm not sure if as the house thing becomes more of a reality she's just becoming afraid that she's going to be stuck in a house with her husband that she doesn't have a romantic relationship with and his g/f and that she's never going to get to live with a romantic partner of her own, or what!? Obviously I wouldn't expect that of her. I'd be happy to have a romantic partner of hers live with us if the person wasn't a complete asshole... I just then would think that it means reconsidering whether it makes sense for RCT to join the fray. Or maybe he would live with us until that point where a partner of hers moved in and then he would want to move out and get his own place. I dunno. This just feels like it has totally come out of the blue, and like it's not rational at all and like it's reactionary to some sort of inner anxiety or something! The whole her and Sudo not really being romantic and possibility that they get divorced (be it legally or in every other way) is less surprising since I always worried that somewhere down the line that might happen if their relationship never improved. But I always figured that if they did that, it would likely be amicable anyway and would be more like a "I love you, but we're kinda more like friends now, so why don't we call this what it is and just be roommates?" I didn't think it was going to pivot into this, I want to maybe move away-ish really soon ordeal.

Ugh. I honestly don't know what to think other than to just feel really bad for Sudo that he has to deal with all this, bad for RCT that he just moved into all this, and even bad for Peach that something is clearly going on with her that I just don't get, and I think anxiety is playing a huge role. From what Sudo has told me, she's terrified of what to do, knowing what she wants. I think maybe she's just feeling lost.

Either way, I think for now they're going to have conversations about finances and the like. Peach realizes that she needs to actually know what's going on with their retirement, insurance, etc. But also, I have told Sudo that they probably need to separate their finances as much as they can, even if all of this stuff doesn't happen, it would force her to stick to a budget if all of her own expenses are coming from a personal account fed by only her income and house expenses came from a joint house account. I think he doesn't like the idea that they should need that, but knows it might be the only way she can budget herself. And if there's a chance of her leaving or them getting divorced, it makes sense anyway.

Ugh, I just.... I don't know. At this point I can do nothing but sit back and watch and comfort Sudo and be friends to all of them.

FML.
 
Last edited:
So now that the initial surprise had worn off, I think a small amount of additional conversation/progress has gotten us to an ok point. I haven't actually had a conversation directly with Peach about any of this stuff. I avoided mentioning it earlier this weekend because RCT was around and he hadn't been told yet and I figured it was Peach's business to divulge. Well today she got lunch and went errand running with RCT and did tell him, so then when I went with him to his condo to grab the last few boxes and help him clean, I could talk to him too. So from what I gather of their convo, I think things have changed slightly. Apparently super recently (like days), Joe has had custody issues that may or may not play out into him eventually having, or seeking, sole custody of his daughter. If that happens, that might make him moving up here more of a possibility. But Peach did apparently say to RCT that she can't really see herself living down there.

So if the main conversation is about what would happen if Joe was up here, we have a whole different convo. RCT has many of the same concerns as me... They've only been dating 6 months, and we all know Joe even less to be able to commit to living with him. How would he be contributing financially? And the biggest problem for me.... If he has full custody, can I, and do I even want to live full time with a kid? Really, full time with 1 and part time with 2.

Honestly, we all have major concerns with many different elements, but I think the path forward and what Peach requested of him (and probably will of me when she and I get a chance to talk) is that we all agree that we need to concentrate on saving as much money as we can right now, and that we stop the house talk for 6 months. I'm fine with that since the house talk was only ever talk anyway while we all build savings. We had originally been talking about doing something in roughly a year, so not talking about more plans and details for 6 months doesn't really impact anything. We can just re-evaluate then.

In that time, we can save, but Peach will have been with Joe for a whole year, we'll know him more, his custody stuff might be worked out, and I think many other things will have calmed down. In addition, RCT and I both discussed that we think Sudo and Peach need to go to couples counseling to work on their own communication issues and figure out some relationship shit. I think Peach probably already wants it. Sudo is stubborn because he doesn't want to waste money and thinks they've both said their thoughts, but they still need to try. Obviously not our relationship and not our decision, but thy both trust us as friends and polycule members, so maybe hearing it from more than one of us will drive home the need for it. And if it doesn't help, it's not like they can't stop going.

I believe Sudo is also going to push for more separated finances. RCT also suggested this to Peach, but she doesn't like it. She's never had to manage that stuff on her own, but all the more reason why we think she needs to learn. She would have the support of the polycule, so it's not like we'd be throwing her in the deep end and expecting to just stand there and watch her drown. I certainly think it's a hard lesson that she needs to learn, but I want her to learn and succeed at it, not fail!

So yeah, everyone saves, we lay off the detailed house planning for 6 months. So it almost feels like nothing changes other than we're not actively talking about it. Lol. I at least am feeling better about it. Especially since it sounds like Peach is realizing that moving down there and doing ANYTHING in just a few months isn't realistic.

I'll feel significantly better if/when the separation of finances actually happens.
 
Poor Peach!! Last night she had a birthday dinner planned. RCT was working at a conference at a local hotel on the south side of my city, and Joe drove up yesterday to spend Tues-Fri with her on his days of (he works 4 on, 4 off). Well he didn't want to drive in our city since he's not familiar and is a country guy, so he left his car at Sudo and Peach's place and got on the metro. Joe met them at work and the 3 drove to the restaurant, and I caught an Uber. Well they were almost there at the restaurant when Sudo asked how the dogs were and Joe was like "uhhhh.... dogs??" AH! Weeks ago when this was planned, the idea was that when Joe got to their place he would feed and walk the dogs since they are crated during the work day. But the dogs are silent when in the crates and not in an area he would have walked by in the 20 minutes he was there before leaving. And this is only his second time at their house, so he's not used to dogs at home and just spaced on it. Peach never remember to remind him about the dogs before his trip, so they had gone all day without food or being able to do their business! Needless to say, Sudo hopped out of the car with me while Peach and Joe turned around and drove 1.5 hours around the city in traffic back home to take care of the dogs. 3 of the other 4 people who were all working the conference nearby were running super late, so RCT just said cancel the reservation. So Sudo and I ate dinner at the restaurant instead, and did end up having 1 of the other guys join us in time to order and actually eat with us. So a birthday dinner for Peach with 8 people turned into me, Sudo, and 1 of his friends that I got to meet for the first time (friend through work stuff).

On the other hand, we might do dinner tomorrow night as the 5 of us (me, Sudo, Peach, Joe, and RCT). I'm sure Peach and Joe probably both felt terrible! RCT had even gone through the hotel's VIP services to get the reservation at this restaurant since for some stupid reason they wouldn't do reservations for a party that large.... but they did when it was going through the hotel. Ah well, Murphy's Law anyone?!
 
The dogs survived!!! lol. I mean, they had been walked and fed that morning, so really the worst that could happen is they're a little hungry and they mess in the crates. Not that it wouldn't be a bad experience for them, but not life threatening or anything. And at least the crates that Sudo and Peach use for them are rather large given the size of the dogs, with lots of blankets and such, so if there is ever an accident they don't actually have to lay in it, etc. And they'd never get reprimanded for having an accident in the crates since they're crate trained well enough that we all know an accident is just that, so if anything they are showered with affection and "awww, you poor thing!" and comforted (usually if one of the dogs has a rare accident it has more to do with one of them having an upset stomach or some other digestive disagreement). It was a long time in the crates though and no one was happy about it!

Tonight, we re-attempt birthday dinner, but I think it's going to be more of a double date birthday dinner (maybe 5 if RCT comes, but he might have his work stuff happening).
 
So, yeah, it's all happening. Custody stuff is currently being worked out, but it looks like Joe is definitely getting full custody. The ex is moving down to FL where her b/f moved to, and I think per the agreement, Joe can't move eith the kid until she finished first grade, so after this next school year.

Peach's current plan is hopefully to go live with him in the Dec/Jan time frame, but then after the kid finishes first grade they hope to move up this way mine a little further north of where Sudo and Peach live now (apparently there is another factory there that Joe could easily do the exact same thing, maybe the same company? Not entirely sure). Peach and Sudo had a convo eith their boss and told him they were separating and asked about Peach working remotely, which he thought would be doable. Thy also told him about being poly, so hopefully that will start circulating around the office as they tell more people and both Peach and Sudo can bring other SOs to social functions, on work travel, etc.

But basically, the assumption can be made that there will be no poly house unless we just get a place with RCT. Sudo and I don't want to live full time with a kid even if Peach, Joe, and the kid (let's call her Bug) move back up this way. But I would hope that we could live a reasonable distance from each other and all still hang out.

I asked Sudo how he's doing and he says he's still processing. I mean, I think first and foremost, he wants Peach to be happy. But he also wants to make sure that whatever she does happens smoothly and is thought out so she has the greatest chance for success. Which I agree with.

So I dunno, I guess now it's a matter of details and financials and time? All this just was really discussed with me and has come to fruition in the past 2 days, so I assume RCT still needs to be told, and we'll go from there.

I really do hope that peach finds what she's looking for that makes her happy. And I hope that this major shift doesn't take too much of a toll on either Peach or Sudo.

In the meantime, I guess I should make a post about the rest of the goings on in my life! To be continued....
 
Wow! Um, I am happy for Peach, but I honestly think that all sounds a little crazy. Has Joe's daughter met Peach yet? Peach and Joe are a relatively new item, right? And he's just barely divorced? I hope they get that little girl into counseling, if she isn't already.
 
So I typed the last update and this current one from poolside at a resort in Tucson, AZ. Rough life, right?! Lol. I flew out here on Monday for a work meeting/conference and will fly back Friday afternoon.

I spent the weekend before with Sudo. We went to my mom's Sat morning. My brother and his wife came up too and we finally got to help her mulch her flower beds since it wasn't raining for once. Stayed for lunch and then headed back and spent the rest of the day at the house with Peach.

Sunday I was supposed to go home and have Mr. Hyde come over around 8:30. Since Sunday was that start of a 10 day period where I wouldn't see Sudo because of our back to back work trips, I negotiated with Mr. Hyde that he had complete control of my orgasms during that time, which he's decided would be me being denied having any the whole time, but being ordered to being myself to the edge as he sees fit (or even any time I want to). Well Mr. Hyde was just returning from 3 weeks in first Panama and then Hawaii for work/family stuff. We both thought he was getting back sat and would see me Sunday, turns out he miscalculated and got home Sunday (all those lost hours from time changes) and was running on fumes. Even though I had to leave for the airport at 4:45am, he offered to take me in the morning and come over early for some middle of the night play so he could get some much needed rest if I was amenable. Well if it was that or nothing, hell yes I was amenable! I will admit a didn't enjoy waking up at 3:30, but I was happy to see him. Of course my stupid body wasn't cooperating and even though he explicitly said it was my last chance to get off.... I just couldn't get there!! Maybe it was just too early, or maybe I knew it was the start of my denial period and mentally I couldn't go there, or maybe I wanted it too much and just mentally got in my own way. I have no idea but damned if it wasn't frustrating! I had a fantastic time anyway and satisfied him at least! So now he'll continue torturing me until next Thurs when we should be finally getting together again so I can have some intense sexy times and finally be allowed to get off. Yum!

Not the worst problem to have to deal with while I'm traveling for work!

As fun as this is going to be though, it sucks that it's happening because of the fact that I have to go so long without seeing Sudo. We both miss each other like crazy, and of course there's all this other intense poly shit going on. It's also so weird to see that going on but also see how we both just keep on living our lives. Me traveling and working and doing kinky shit with Mr. Hyde, Sudo also traveling but also going on dates with some new people (he had drinks for the second time with someone last night and drinks with someone else for the first time tonight while he's at my place cat-sitting for the night). It makes the whole situation feel kinda weird. Like why are we all not freaking out about this and instead being super calm and collected and rational?! Haha. I mean, I'll take that over freak outs and people falling to pieces. Just kinda is odd too!


OK, I can't keep typing anymore like this on my phone. More in the future as life happens.
 
Gah! Sorry - I posted in between your updates!
 
Bluebird said:
Wow! Um, I am happy for Peach, but I honestly think that all sounds a little crazy. Has Joe's daughter met Peach yet? Peach and Joe are a relatively new item, right? And he's just barely divorced? I hope they get that little girl into counseling, if she isn't already.
Click to expand...

Yeah, to me too.... By the Dec/Jan move time frame they will have been dating a little over a year though, so maybe not the absolute worst. Peach and Bug have spent quite a bit of time together, actually Bug has been there almost every time Peach has gone to his place. Bug thinks Peach is the shit, and from what I hear, Bug is probably much better off being with Joe full time. The mom is apparently not much of a mom and Joe adores his daughter. I don't know exactly how long they've been split up, but I'm thinking it's been at least a year? But maybe even more like 2 years? I think the divorce has just taken a long time eith neither of them rushing it along?

I dunno, if it were me I wouldn't be doing all this, but it's not really my life, right? I figure all I can do is be supportive but realistic in that I'll support both her and Sudo with whatever they want me to do that will help make sure that all of this goes well and IS thought out and prepared for.

I will say that Peach and Joe seem to have a much more healthy and stable relationship than she had with Boris and Natasha, so that's good at least. Peach is pro therapy if anyone ever feels like they need it, so I imagine that she would definitely suggest it for Bug if there were any sort of signs that she wasn't coping well. But I've only met Bug once, so most of what I get about all of that is second hand.
 
Low key weekend, yay!!

Today I drove to my mom's to spend the weekend there, but stopped about halfway to meet up with Warman from these blogs. We chat all the time online but this is only the second time we've gotten a chance to meet in person since I'm often just back in that area for a quick day trip and am booked solid with family or other plans. It was great to see him again and just have a smoothie and sit and talk. Yay poly people!! He's been getting the full scoop on my (by extension) poly drama, but we also just shoot the shit and send each other jokes and crap.

After that, it was on to my mom's. She apparently totally forgot that I had told her I was coming up to visit, so it was sorta like a surprise visit! We steamed shrimp and she walked me around all her flower beds since everything is really in bloom and then we just talked and watched The Intern. Now it's time to wind down for bed.

I'm gonna squeeze in a quick call to Sudo first though. He's on the west coast for work, so he'll be up for a bit. I miss him! I want his snuggles and to feel his short soft beard on my cheeks! (is is technically a beard when short? I mean, it's not like stubble or a 5 o'clock shadow, but it feels like it shouldn't carry the same connotation that saying "beard" has!) On top of that, I'm somewhat miffed that now with the whole separation thing, Peach isn't wanting to tell the rest of the office about them being poly. I know that lots of people aren't out like that, but they had both wanted to be and I was pumped about finally being able to occasionally travel with Sudo when he's gone for work, etc. But mainly, I believe she unilaterally made that call without asking Sudo what he wanted to do. When I spoke to him about it I believe he was going to "work on it" whatever that means. I told him that I just don't want to be a work secret by next summer, since that is when he has a specific work trip that will involve a huge eclipse watching event and we've been talking for a while about me joining him on that trip.

More to come, but Sudo is free to talk now!!!
 
So much for low Key!

While my mom went to church on Sunday I was running all over the place in a nearby town trying to find all the bits and pieces for a birthday gift for Peach! I finally got what I needed, but then was scrambling to meet up with my friend Ken for lunch and still get back to my mom's in time to visit with her and my grandfather before I headed back home. Ken and I go way back and met when I was a freshman in high school, became close, then dated for 2 years right before I graduated and then was in college, but then broke up, drifted apart, and reconnected right back as good friends a year or 2 later. We have occasionally lost touch for bits of time over the years, but always pick back up like nothing ever happened. He's probably one of the only friends I have that I've ever lost touch with like that and could actually pick back up! I always enjoy hanging out with him because we have such similar senses of humor and just get each other, but it always makes me sad to see how his life turned out. He fell into some serious hard drugs at one point (probably a big reason for several of our points of losing touch), but thankfully has been clean for a little while. But that means he's stuggled to hold down jobs. He also has a daughter with a woman who obviously intentionally got pregnant just to try and hang onto him and is now stuck with a horribly jealous and controlling baby mama, the list could go on! I dunno, I just look at him and see what he could have been if not for X, Y, Z, and he knows it too and has so many regrets. But he stays positive when we hang out and is still the sarcastic, witty person that I can sit around and talk to for hours. All I can do is be his friend and be supportive of him trying to turn his life around. I just recently as a surprise mailed him a copy of the book Ready Player One. I read it on a recommendation and LOVED it, and I knew he would too since he's a gamer. Of course he did! We both want to re-read it to pick up any little tidbits that we missed and then discuss! If anyone hasn't read it, I highly recommend.

Anyway, so we ate and talked for a few hours, then I headed home, got to see my grandpa a bit, and then made the drive back to my city (pit stop at Sudo and Peach's to put together the gift I got her and leave it for when she arrives home from their work trip) and was able to just chill for a few hours with the kitties... after I grabbed a few groceries and started laundry, etc. Phew!

Hopefully there will be more down time this week for the next few days. But my excitement is ramping up for seeing Mr. Hyde this Thurs, and the Sudo is home and staying the weekend at my place, woo!!
 
I'm gonna get all ranty (but in a happy way) about my brother for a bit! I don't know that I've mentioned him on here that much other than his less than stellar reaction when I told him I was poly and dating a married guy. Since then we're back to being totally cool and it's all good. But the guy is 32, turning 33 later this year and last week he RETIRED. Ummm, why is this not my life?!?!?! LOL. Honestly, I'm super happy for him and really proud so I can't help but just want to be like, look how awesome this person is! Not that he didn't have to put up with a ton to get there. He and his wife live fairly frugal lives. The occasional vacation but more often they like camping and such. They live in a townhouse and have modest cars and don't eat out a bunch or buy a ton of "stuff." But mainly, my brother has worked his butt off at a high paying software engineering company and stuck through it even though he has HATED his job for soooo long. The only reason he made it this long was because the money was good and he knew he wanted to save up enough to not work until a normal retirement age. I can't imagine how horrible that would be. Actually, I almost can. At one point in my own job years ago I was working with someone above me and we just didn't work well together, she stopped giving me work and I had nothing to do all day at my job. Sitting for 9 hours at a computer with nothing to do is boring as fuck! It took a very short amount of time before I was constantly asking for work and finally had to have a serious heart to heart with my supervisor and say that if I was going to start hating my job and I needed a change. Turns out, that woman is crazy and she was holding a grudge over who knows what, so I was getting shut out. Every other person I've worked for/with has always loved my work and been happy with it. Later on, I heard other people say similar things about her, so at least now I know it wasn't just me. But for those weeks that I was stuck not having work to do, I was MISERABLE and would wake up in the morning hating that I had to go to work. I can't imagine doing that for YEARS.

But, I guess it has paid off, since now he and his wife are in Jamaica for their 10 year anniversary, and then on July 4th weekend he's off to start a through-hike of the entire Appalachian Trail (well, at least as far as he can make it, he knows that many people don't finish). I just am so inspired by him. He's always been the male role model in my life (Dad wasn't exactly "World's Best Dad" material). He's been the one to do everything first and set a good example for me. He's always been disgustingly romantic and buy's his wife flowers and in high school wrote her poetry and on year even had her teach him to sew a satin dress for her to wear out on a date because sewing is a passion of hers (interior design is her degree) so he wanted to experience something that she enjoys, but make something for her. I mean, who does that kind of stuff?! So this is what I grew up seeing and am just left with this though of "why aren't all guys smart and successful and driven and romantic like this? WTF?!" haha. Poor Sudo is horrible at romantic stuff, but I love him anyway (it just means I'm going to tease him about it!).

Anyway, I don't really have any sort of point to all this, other than I was just reading a finance blog, which got me thinking about "wow, I can't believe he's retired!" which just kinda turned into a celebratory rant! But I figured it would be nice to share some of the happy things going on around me in this blog too rather than nothing but polycule drama.
 
The other night I totally overstepped my bounds with Sudo and then felt really shitty afterwards.

He's been commenting both to me and in a group chat with Peach and RCT about this co-worker that he and Peach are super unhappy with. She's Peach's boss, and sort of an equal to Sudo (head of their respective departments), and ever since she came on board it's just been one bad thing after another. I hear a lot about it, but also from what I hear it sounds like they haven't been doing that much to address it. Like maybe each of them has had 1 conversation with the head at the company a while ago, but nothing recently to reiterate that she's becoming increasingly harder to work with/for (and there are others that feel the same way).

Anyway, I have a problem with people complaining about the same shit but not doing as much as they could be to find a solution. So add to the previous example the fact that Sudo told me he was going to have some talks with Peach about financial stuff while I and he were both on travel, and basically hasn't said a damn word, and I was hitting that point where I'm kinda like "WTF?"

So, I just got snappy about the whole issue with he and Peach separating finances and was explaining that yes, I know it's not my relationship, but I am honestly DUMBFOUNDED by how little they seem to be talking about things and that they're doing NOTHING. Basically they had a HUGE conversation about her moving out and them splitting up, they told their CEO about separating and her working remotely, and then.... crickets. My mind is blown. Completely blown. If this was me and my partner was like "hey, I want to go live with my other partner so we should separate" there is no way I wouldn't be spending a significant amount of time talking about this. Not even in a "fine, GTFO" kinda way. I'm not suggesting that either of them should be eager to separate. But right now it's like the big fucking elephant in the room, so the idea that they just keep on keeping on with this sort of "eh, we're busy, it will happen" flow.... just..... gah!

And again, not my relationship, and after basically venting those same thoughts at him, I even explained that I know this is MY issue and these are MY feelings and it's not my relationship and not my problem and I'm not trying to make him do anything. But I at least want him to understand that for me to just sit on the sidelines and watch this unfold at the pace of sap running down a branch is EXCRUCIATING!

I'm shitty when it comes to terminology sometimes so "trigger" maybe isn't the right word, but if I had any sort of trigger issue, hangup, "thing" or whatever you want to call it.... finances would be it. I am ON POINT with my finances because of growing up with a father who was so shitty with money that he was constantly borrowing it and burning bridges with friends. Or borrowing it from me or my brother and not paying us back when he said he would (this happened like twice when I was in college and broke and working to support my own damn self, let alone try to help him). He was homeless for 2 years and lived out of his van. He only has a roof over his head now because my brother bought the small fixer upper that he lives in and he now gets enough disability, social security, food stamps, etc to manage to just squeak by from month to month. I busted my ass so that I would be financially independent and NEVER have to rely on anyone else to take care of myself financially because of that. So people not having their financial shit together is a big no-no in relationships for me. Granted, Sudo and Peach make good money, they're not living paycheck to paycheck, I'm not constantly having to pick up the tab, etc. so it's not really hitting me in any sort of "omg, I can't date someone like this" sense. But knowing that this is going to be a HUGE financial clusterfuck for them to have to go through and try to separate finances is the sort of thing that makes me think "why would you not at least be doing some of the most basic shit RIGHT FUCKING NOW?!" Even if they're not ready to get separate bank accounts or whatever, why would you at least not apply for separate credit cards right now so that you can immediately start better tracking who usually spends what per month?! You can even still pay it all out of the joint account! But at least it would mean that for future budgeting there would be a data point to work with!

And Sudo handles their budget and fiancés. He LOVES spreadsheets the same way I do. He is generally very on top of that sort of stuff, so I'm just sitting here CRINGING and in my head being like "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY?!" Is my reaction completely over the top and out of proportion? I'm almost certain it is, which is why I've been doing my damnedest to keep it to myself, but in a moment of weakness..... ugh. So I just spewed all this crap to him in a message, and just like Sudo does in ANY argument, he just responded with a little sad face and said "please don't let this worry you right now" and sort of shut down.

And then I sat there and thought, this is exactly what Peach does to him all the time and he just shuts down and is unhappy. I'm a horrible person.

Ugh. Anyway, I apologized right away and said that I was never angry at him, that I literally just cannot comprehend why he is doing what he is doing, and that it's just hard for me to feel like a rabbit watching a turtle race. But that I love him and I'm sorry. He forgave me and we're actually completely back to normal now. So maybe I just needed to get it out. But now I'm torn between.... do I just step back and stop even asking what's going on with that and let it play out how it's going to play out? Or do I still occasionally inquire but not actually push for him to do anything (basically only ask for a status update if I haven't heard anything?). As much as it isn't my relationship, I care about both of them, and I do intend to actually be in a situation in the future where our finances impact either other (buying a house) so I feel like this is actually important info that I deserve to know. But also, I really do want Peach to succeed with this whole transition that she's doing. And to me, a big part of this is that if she wants to move by X, and that means figuring out her own finances, why wouldn't they want to give her the MAXIMUM time to do that and learn? Wouldn't that give her the best chance to succeed?! ugh, ok, I'm about to go ranty again. I gotta stop. Anyway, it's out there now, so I can take a deep breath.

I'm just glad that Sudo forgave my little outburst quickly, cause I really did feel horrible. I doesn't change that I still think this about their situation, but they were my thoughts to own and it wasn't right for me to just dump them all on him.
 
2 at least mildly funny thoughts that were in retrospect to all of this.... for anyone who watches the show Silicon Valley, I equate my reaction to how I feel when someone is doing something financially stupid to Richard's reaction on the show to people who use "spaces" vs. "tabs" in coding. I'm not a coder, but apparently this is a real thing and he just flips out over it when in the context of what he codes it probably isn't a big deal and it's more a matter of coder preference.

Second thing, was that when my ranty thing ended and I had apologized, Sudo was quite for a while and didn't send me anymore messages so I wasn't sure if he was just still upset/sulking or if he was just busy. He really likes the little bitmoji images for messaging, and I was browsing one to send to hopefully lighten the mood. I ended up sending a cute one that said "I'm sorry" but I came sooooo close to sending a silly one that said "You mad bro?" I thought it would be really funny, but since I wasn't sure if he actually WAS mad, I ended up not doing it.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top