H'ok So.....
- Thread starter breathemusic
- Start date
breathemusic
Active member
I definitely agree with you on this, but I would say that in this case, we've been dancing around it for a while, so even before the fight, I think it was obvious to both of us that we were each feeling it, but both were feeling a bit hesitant to say it. Like "hmmm, is it too soon? Is it just NRE? Is the other person gonna say it back?"
If we hadn't already had that build-up going on, I think having the first "I love you" come up as the result of a fight would have made me feel not good.
breathemusic
Active member
Things are chugging along. Sudo and I are probably going to have some discussions on things tonight or tomorrow. Sorta relationship check-in stuff since life has been so insane over the past 2 months, and there have been so many changes. We also have been wanting to talk about D/s stuff since that continues to be a struggle for us (in that we easily slip out of those roles and into a more egalitarian type thing, but we'd like to find ways to keep us on track and find what combo of things work for us). I don't expect anything super dramatic, just relationship maintenance!
I think we also should try to talk about a bit of wedding stuff. Though I wish the damn venue would get back to me about available dates so that I can at least lock that down.
We also need to talk budgeting since Sudo is still building his business and so income isn't exactly steady. He got that big severance and he did several jobs that equated to probably 2 months of his previous income all in a month, but we just need to compare bank accounts since everything isn't 100% joint and get on the same page. I figure we'll probably consider changing how we split the contributions to the joint account for shared expenses so that it's no longer 50/50, at least until his business is further built up.
There's also been mention of whether we will secretly get married at the court house before we have a ceremony, for insurance purposes. Sudo's free coverage of his COBRA insurance as part of his severance ends at the end of this year, so he'll either have to start paying it himself (stupid expensive, like $750ish per month), or he'll need to sign up for ACA health insurance, which has to be done by Dec 15th, or he needs to get on my insurance, which he can't do until we're legally married. As much as I'm all practical about saving money, I had some feels before the proposal about rushing to get married before the end of the year and if the proposal was going to end up feeling motivated more by insurance costs than love and commitment. So we had already had a talk where we agreed that we don't need to do the court house thing by the end of the year. Now that the proposal is over, the feeling has died down some. The proposal was lovely and I didn't have stupid court house weddings on my mind and taking away from the experience. So it's done now, and it's left me wondering.... is it really that big of a deal if we just do it? But I also don't want to do it and then regret it later. So I dunno. I'm thinking on it.
This Sat, I need to swing by the jewler and get my ring re-sized. It's just a SMIDGE too big, and so I'm constantly worried that it's going to fall off and I'm going to lose it. It doesn't slip off THAT easily, but it's just enough to make me paranoid!
Let's see... Monday was a date night with Echo. We went out to dinner and had street tacos, then came back to my place, chatted with Sudo and RCT for a bit (Echo was just finally meeting RCT for the first time because RCT travels so much and was never home any time Echo came over), and then got some lovely alone time to ourselves and finally had a chance to have some sexy times after all of the recent drama and just reconnect.
Tues was a chill night in with Sudo. RCT was home and we chatted with him for a bit during dinner (still working our way through Thanksgiving leftovers!) but then RCT went to his room to pack and go to bed early to recover from traveling so much. So it was good to have some alone time to just snuggle with Sudo and enjoy a movie and then also reconnect sexually.
Last night was then another date night with Echo, but this time I spent the night at his place for the first time ever. He cooked me a SUPER delicious meal of chicken marsala, but added bacon, left out the mushrooms since I don't like them, and added water chestnuts. It was SOOO good. He even gave me some leftovers to take to work today for lunch! It was great to not have to worry about one of us leaving to head home and be able to actually sleep together. I don't expect us to constantly end up doing overnights, but it is something I would like to try and do more often than just once a month, or whatever. But I'm also trying to be mindful of Sudo feeling like he needs to "catch up" to where we are and just sort of adjust to the new normal of me having a steady partner again. So I'm trying to be respectful of that.
Tonight will be another night to reconnect with Sudo and maybe have some of those discussions to check in. He has said that it's really important to him that we get reconnect time after I have had a date night. I really don't think that it's realistic for that to happen EVERY time, but again, trying to be mindful of it during this sorta new period. Especially knowing that I'm in NRE land. Fortunately, we don't have any more plans with anyone else until Sat, where we will hopefully be going to a housewarming/birthday party for our friend (her housewarming, one of her partner's birthday). Said friend also happens to be dating Echo and Mrs. Echo, so they'll be there too. And partner who is celebrating the birthday is also into me (we've kissed a few times but I've told him that I'm not really interested in anything more than the occasional make-out at a party). So really it will be a crazy opportunity for the whole polycule to be together and just hang out with each other as well as other poly friends that we have in the community. Sudo has been really wanting us to have some more dedicated "us" time, but I'm hoping that between tonight and tomorrow night, and then knowing that we have no plans on Sunday, that he'll be feeling up to extroverting and going to this party. I'd really like to go either way, but if he doesn't want to go, I just know it will be an issue if I still want to go (half the reason he would possibly not want to go is if he just wants to spend the evening in with me).
This is sort of one of the other check-in bits that we need to cover. Scheduling stuff and balancing our differing needs for time with each other, as well as our differing levels of desire to be social. Woo relationship maintenance. LOL.
I think we also should try to talk about a bit of wedding stuff. Though I wish the damn venue would get back to me about available dates so that I can at least lock that down.
We also need to talk budgeting since Sudo is still building his business and so income isn't exactly steady. He got that big severance and he did several jobs that equated to probably 2 months of his previous income all in a month, but we just need to compare bank accounts since everything isn't 100% joint and get on the same page. I figure we'll probably consider changing how we split the contributions to the joint account for shared expenses so that it's no longer 50/50, at least until his business is further built up.
There's also been mention of whether we will secretly get married at the court house before we have a ceremony, for insurance purposes. Sudo's free coverage of his COBRA insurance as part of his severance ends at the end of this year, so he'll either have to start paying it himself (stupid expensive, like $750ish per month), or he'll need to sign up for ACA health insurance, which has to be done by Dec 15th, or he needs to get on my insurance, which he can't do until we're legally married. As much as I'm all practical about saving money, I had some feels before the proposal about rushing to get married before the end of the year and if the proposal was going to end up feeling motivated more by insurance costs than love and commitment. So we had already had a talk where we agreed that we don't need to do the court house thing by the end of the year. Now that the proposal is over, the feeling has died down some. The proposal was lovely and I didn't have stupid court house weddings on my mind and taking away from the experience. So it's done now, and it's left me wondering.... is it really that big of a deal if we just do it? But I also don't want to do it and then regret it later. So I dunno. I'm thinking on it.
This Sat, I need to swing by the jewler and get my ring re-sized. It's just a SMIDGE too big, and so I'm constantly worried that it's going to fall off and I'm going to lose it. It doesn't slip off THAT easily, but it's just enough to make me paranoid!
Let's see... Monday was a date night with Echo. We went out to dinner and had street tacos, then came back to my place, chatted with Sudo and RCT for a bit (Echo was just finally meeting RCT for the first time because RCT travels so much and was never home any time Echo came over), and then got some lovely alone time to ourselves and finally had a chance to have some sexy times after all of the recent drama and just reconnect.
Tues was a chill night in with Sudo. RCT was home and we chatted with him for a bit during dinner (still working our way through Thanksgiving leftovers!) but then RCT went to his room to pack and go to bed early to recover from traveling so much. So it was good to have some alone time to just snuggle with Sudo and enjoy a movie and then also reconnect sexually.
Last night was then another date night with Echo, but this time I spent the night at his place for the first time ever. He cooked me a SUPER delicious meal of chicken marsala, but added bacon, left out the mushrooms since I don't like them, and added water chestnuts. It was SOOO good. He even gave me some leftovers to take to work today for lunch! It was great to not have to worry about one of us leaving to head home and be able to actually sleep together. I don't expect us to constantly end up doing overnights, but it is something I would like to try and do more often than just once a month, or whatever. But I'm also trying to be mindful of Sudo feeling like he needs to "catch up" to where we are and just sort of adjust to the new normal of me having a steady partner again. So I'm trying to be respectful of that.
Tonight will be another night to reconnect with Sudo and maybe have some of those discussions to check in. He has said that it's really important to him that we get reconnect time after I have had a date night. I really don't think that it's realistic for that to happen EVERY time, but again, trying to be mindful of it during this sorta new period. Especially knowing that I'm in NRE land. Fortunately, we don't have any more plans with anyone else until Sat, where we will hopefully be going to a housewarming/birthday party for our friend (her housewarming, one of her partner's birthday). Said friend also happens to be dating Echo and Mrs. Echo, so they'll be there too. And partner who is celebrating the birthday is also into me (we've kissed a few times but I've told him that I'm not really interested in anything more than the occasional make-out at a party). So really it will be a crazy opportunity for the whole polycule to be together and just hang out with each other as well as other poly friends that we have in the community. Sudo has been really wanting us to have some more dedicated "us" time, but I'm hoping that between tonight and tomorrow night, and then knowing that we have no plans on Sunday, that he'll be feeling up to extroverting and going to this party. I'd really like to go either way, but if he doesn't want to go, I just know it will be an issue if I still want to go (half the reason he would possibly not want to go is if he just wants to spend the evening in with me).
This is sort of one of the other check-in bits that we need to cover. Scheduling stuff and balancing our differing needs for time with each other, as well as our differing levels of desire to be social. Woo relationship maintenance. LOL.
breathemusic
Active member
Lots of running around and errands this weekend. We took the ring to the jeweler who originally set the stone. He's an independent jeweler with a local shop, and it was not good. He was difficult to communicate with, but said that he could reduce the size probably by about a half size, which I didn't need anymore than that anyway. It was way cheaper than I thought and he could even do it same day. But when we went back to pick it up, the ring didn't seem totally circular and sorta oval, there as a tiny dent in the bottom, etc. I was pissed but if the guy was standing there presenting it to me and asking me if I thought it was all good, then that means that to me he thought it was quality work, so I wasn't about to give it back and have him touch it again. I just paid the $30 and immediately walked over to one of the more "mainstream" jewelry stores and handed them the ring and was like "what do you think of this?" And they immediately pointed out that it hadn't been appropriately buffed, and could see that it wasn't perfectly circular. They didn't have the means to fix it there and would have to send it out, which takes 2 weeks, so screw it, I figured we could just drive to the larger sister store that they would have sent it to (Jared). So then on Sunday we went there. Lo and behold, apparently the little dent is actually common from re-sizing, and even the slightly oval shape can be common depending on how much the ring is resized (if stones go down the side of the band like mine do, then there's limits to keeping it circular without risking popping stones out. So really the main issue was the crap job of not appropriately buffing out the marks on the band, but then this person also noticed that the 4 prongs setting the stone weren't quite even, so said the stone should really be re-set. UGH. BUT, go figure, they won't touch a stone with Moisanite because they don't sell it. Of course, god forbid you want them to touch a stone that they can't sell to you since it would compete with their diamond market. grrrrr. I guess this is the "price" we pay for not wanting to contribute to the over-inflated diamond market (well, that's more a Sudo thing than me, but I thought it was a reasonable compromise so that we could both be happy with the engagement ring). So we're going to have to find some other jeweler that can work with it and get them to fix the last person's crap job.
Anyway, we also picked up some kink supplies to prepare for a 4 day weekend at a cabin this upcoming weekend, shopped at Costco where we got both food and I got some various clothes, and I got 2 slutty items at the mall for dates and parties with our poly friends.
Sat night we went to a birthday/housewarming party for a friend. It was slightly dramatic afterwards since Sudo was having lots of feels regarding some social anxiety after the whole Happy Hour debacle the week before, and he was struggling on top of that we seeing some PDA between myself and Echo, who was also at the party. But honestly, that is something that I think he's either going to need to figure out how to get comfortable with, or he's just going to have to start picking and choosing whether he wants to attend events that I want to go to and Echo will also be at. We weren't on top of each other, it was hugging, putting arms around each other, and yes, some kisses that did sometimes involve tongue. Apparently to Sudo that is the equivalent of "making out in a corner" which I had said I didn't really plan to be doing. But to me, we weren't just feeling each other up and being crazy, so it was totally reasonable, especially for a party where lots of people know, date, and kiss each other with that crowd. Sooo, that's something that's going to need to get figured out. But I'm not going to make a big deal out of it and leave that to Sudo to manage vs me trying to manage his feelings, since that feels inappropriate.
The rest of the weekend we had a nice time getting to discuss some D/s stuff, sorta do some relationship check-in type work, and feel like we're generally in a good place and on the same page. Plus cuddle times and sexy times, and all of that!
Last night, RCT got home with his kiddo, but she was sick and slept a bunch of the afternoon. She got up long enough in the evening to eat a super late, light dinner of toast and plain rice for her upset tummy, and watch us put up the tree (not live). So Sudo and I decorated that, while RCT hung the wreath on the door and put garland and lights on the stairway banister. Lizzy (RCT's kiddo) did help to hang all the stockings on the mantle, and then we all put on PJs and took a "family" pic in front of the tree and mantle, with Sudo holding our corgi in the pic as well just to make it extra ridiculous. RCT was wearing a full on onsie with butt flap, I had on dino pajamas, and Sudo, who doesn't own pajamas, at least had on his lounge pants and a "grumpasaurus" t-shirt. It was a cute pic that of course had to go up on FB, as well as a pic with just Sudo and I, etc.
Tonight we host a local monthly D/s discussion group. We'll have to see how turnout is, since winter does tend to make people less likely to want to do the things. But hopefully it's a decent crowd!!
Anyway, we also picked up some kink supplies to prepare for a 4 day weekend at a cabin this upcoming weekend, shopped at Costco where we got both food and I got some various clothes, and I got 2 slutty items at the mall for dates and parties with our poly friends.
Sat night we went to a birthday/housewarming party for a friend. It was slightly dramatic afterwards since Sudo was having lots of feels regarding some social anxiety after the whole Happy Hour debacle the week before, and he was struggling on top of that we seeing some PDA between myself and Echo, who was also at the party. But honestly, that is something that I think he's either going to need to figure out how to get comfortable with, or he's just going to have to start picking and choosing whether he wants to attend events that I want to go to and Echo will also be at. We weren't on top of each other, it was hugging, putting arms around each other, and yes, some kisses that did sometimes involve tongue. Apparently to Sudo that is the equivalent of "making out in a corner" which I had said I didn't really plan to be doing. But to me, we weren't just feeling each other up and being crazy, so it was totally reasonable, especially for a party where lots of people know, date, and kiss each other with that crowd. Sooo, that's something that's going to need to get figured out. But I'm not going to make a big deal out of it and leave that to Sudo to manage vs me trying to manage his feelings, since that feels inappropriate.
The rest of the weekend we had a nice time getting to discuss some D/s stuff, sorta do some relationship check-in type work, and feel like we're generally in a good place and on the same page. Plus cuddle times and sexy times, and all of that!
Last night, RCT got home with his kiddo, but she was sick and slept a bunch of the afternoon. She got up long enough in the evening to eat a super late, light dinner of toast and plain rice for her upset tummy, and watch us put up the tree (not live). So Sudo and I decorated that, while RCT hung the wreath on the door and put garland and lights on the stairway banister. Lizzy (RCT's kiddo) did help to hang all the stockings on the mantle, and then we all put on PJs and took a "family" pic in front of the tree and mantle, with Sudo holding our corgi in the pic as well just to make it extra ridiculous. RCT was wearing a full on onsie with butt flap, I had on dino pajamas, and Sudo, who doesn't own pajamas, at least had on his lounge pants and a "grumpasaurus" t-shirt. It was a cute pic that of course had to go up on FB, as well as a pic with just Sudo and I, etc.
Tonight we host a local monthly D/s discussion group. We'll have to see how turnout is, since winter does tend to make people less likely to want to do the things. But hopefully it's a decent crowd!!