How to approach mental health with polyamory?

[ravenelf]

My husband and I are beginning to explore polyamory. We don't have a partner/ partners yet, but are exploring. I have some long term mental health issues including depression and I have dealt with self-harm tendencies in the past. I have mostly gotten those issues but there is always the possibility of relapse. I hate talking about this problem with people I know, and wondering... Would it be dishonest not to reveal that aspect of myself for a while? Is this something that would be important to tell people early on?
Also, it was different with my husband finding out, because I was still dealing with the issue at the time and him finding out was inevitable.

 

[thirteenth]

Hi ravenelf,
I don't think this is an issue that is particular to being poly; anyone who has/had mental health (or physical health, for that matter) obstacles will need to decide if/when to tell a partner. I don't think it would be dishonest of you to keep your past mental health to yourself as you meet potential partners or when a relationship is new.

I usually like to get some sense of the person's attitude towards mental illness before I reveal too much. This is because I had a partner who felt that psychology was smoke and mirrors and that anyone who suffered from mental illness was just "weak." He made me feel like my anxiety and depression made me a bad person. (I stayed with him too long.)

These days, I tend to bond with others who suffer from depression and anxiety. I think it's because I am attracted to sensitive, intelligent, introverted people, and they seem often to be similarly afflicted. So if someone reveals that aspect of themself to me and I am comfortable with them, I do likewise.

 

[puzzles]

Tell them when YOU feel it's the right time. I understand that mental health issues aren't something most people shout from the rooftops, but you will need to feel comfortable enough talking openly with that person about it, and also feel like you could trust them with the information. I don't think it's something that needs to be disclosed right away. Just enjoy getting to know each other, and if the person truly likes you for you then you should be met with nothing but support.

Then after you tell them, maybe help them understand your mental health issues and what they could possibly do to help/comfort you...when you need it.