How to deal with the hearthbreak of my lover?

N

Natlapuffin

New member
Hi! New in the forum, in search of a place where to have advise. First excuse the quality of my english writing, i'm french so... My boyfriend and i are poly, he have 3 paramours + me. One just break his heart, leaving him for another guy in a mono relationship. I don't know how to deal with this, don't find any blog, articles on the net on this subject. It's urgent bcoz i'm gonna have to deal with this, whe have the week-end booked togheter, it's my bday. Sound real selfish, but i think i'm gonna have a hard time to be compassionate and all. but i know i have too. Any good advise, link to some article on the net is welcome. Thanks!
 
Unfortunately there is no magic trick guaranteed to make someone feel better. I imagine the first person to invent one will become very rich.

My suggestion is to try to enjoy each moment as it comes. If your boyfriend is happy, be happy with him. If he is sad, comfort him, but remember that you don't have to spend every moment with him. It might be that he just needs to be sad for a while by himself and you should allow him to do that while you do something else.
 
Exctacly what i figure out by myself. Just don't want to make him feel bad if i want to go have fun, don't want to make him feel guilty of spoiling my bday by his mood... delicate emotional territory. Any other week-end it could pass well, but this one he want to make it special for me and this happen... Hope everything gonna turn not so bad.
 
I'd say, just ask him what he wants. If he just wants to be alone, leave him alone. If he wants to cuddle with you, you can do that. If he wants to have fun, go out...
Watch your boundaries of course, it's perfectly acceptable to tell him that you are tired and want to go out or need some alone space too.
 
Hi Natlapuffin,

I think the thing to do here is keep things relatively low-key. Not that you have to cancel your birthday plans, but just that you want to avoid getting rowdy, and that you want to be aware of whatever he's feeling and whatever he seems to be the most comfortable with.

Does that make sense?
Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Natlapuffin,

First off, your english is very good. 1000% better than my french.

I empathize with your boyfriend, I too am very sad about the loss and uncertainty of my friend and our relationship. What helps me is to be busy and focus on other things than my friend and how much I miss her.

So my advice is to go ahead and try to have fun with your weekend, but I agree, keep the hard partying on a low level.

I commend you for being there for your boyfriend and comforting him. I don't feel I can ask my primary life partner for any sympathy with my sadness.
 
Yeah - even if your partner is trying to be considerate about not spoiling your birthday, alcohol plus recent heartbreak can be a really really good recipe for spoiled dates.

Been there, done that, cried those tears when I was supposed to be paying attention to TheKnight or others... ::rolls eyes at self::
 
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