hurt, sad and looking for answers on betrayed trust

Is that really poly way of thinking? I don't want to hear about my partners other sexual activities and I would hope she isn't sharing our sexual details with other partners.
 
Pardon if someone has already said this, OP.

I feel you are in a good position if only because this incident revealed something about you and your BF. This actually reveals that he is still very stuck in mono-mindset, or "the pattern of behavior that monogamous people have". In mono-world, it is not okay to talk to your partner about what he was considering doing. In poly-land it is normal.

In my opinion, the only option I see for you is for you both to try to gravitate more toward the "poly" way of thinking where it is normal to talk, even gush to your partner about a date or a hook up.

been there, done that, got the teeshirt and no thank you :)
 
In my opinion, the only option I see for you is for you both to try to gravitate more toward the "poly" way of thinking where it is normal to talk, even gush to your partner about a date or a hook up.

Like others, I don't take issue with your opinion, but with your defining a "normal" aspect of the "poly way of thinking" to be making regular disclosures (gushing or not) about interactions with other partners.
 
The OP really rubs me the wrong way and comes off as selfish and very abrasive it would be the last kind of person I would ever want to have as a metamour. She seems to be very blasé about other peoples feelings other than her own. She destroyed her marriage because she wanted poly and probably shoved it down her husband's throat. Her boyfriend's marriage came apart . And now their own relationship is falling to pieces. This is what happens when the feelings of other people are not taken into account because you are too wrapped up into yourself. Good luck trying to find someone to be mono with. Selfishness doesn't work in those relationships either. I guess one of the things that should be asked of your boyfriend is if he felt that his marriage ended for you or for his freedom to have the relationships he wishes to have. If he feels it was more for you then he should consider going back into monogamy. If he feels that it had more to do with his freedom then he should certainly not give up poly for you.
 
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The OP really rubs me the wrong way and comes off as selfish and very abrasive it would be the last kind of person I would ever want to have as a metamour. She seems to be very blasé about other peoples feelings other than her own. She destroyed her marriage because she wanted poly and probably shoved it down her husband's throat. Her boyfriend's marriage came apart . And now their own relationship is falling to pieces. This is what happens when the feelings of other people are not taken into account because you are too wrapped up into yourself. Good luck trying to find someone to be mono with. Selfishness doesn't work in those relationships either. I guess one of the things that should be asked of your boyfriend is if he felt that his marriage ended for you or for his freedom to have the relationships he wishes to have. If he feels it was more for you then he should consider going back into monogamy. If he feels that it had more to do with his freedom then he should certainly not give up poly for you.

Well that was blunt. And his marriage ended for neither of those reasons, and actually same with my marriage. Our trying poly was a symptom of what was wrong with us in the first place. Its amusing what feelings you get from people just typing on the internet....actually both my boyfriend and my ex comment on how much I think of other people. Here, I write for my own worries, my own head, my own working shit out. so yeah, its centered on self.
 
I wasn't going to put this over here, and only on my blog, but why the heck not? some of the feedback has been useful

well latest and greatest I told D. I was really hurt hes waiting for me to 'get over it' and "you'll be ok with it once I start dating'. I asked him to accept the fact that I am NOT ok with it. and I wont BE ok with it the way he wants.
He asked if that was an ultimatum. I said no...for me, its one of two ways
1) we take a break, he does what he wants and if he decides he wants to be exclusive, we can talk
2) He dates, but we set a hard date of when to close the relationship and focus on building a life together. (no more than 6 months). we stay together, I will have to do a lot of work to cope with him date, but there would be an end in sight.


I realize, both these things are 'making' him be mono. BUT, last night he told me he totally sees us mono eventually, so I wasn't pulling any punches here.


I guess...now I wait. Option 1 will hurt a heck of a lot more, and im guessing mean the end of us
 
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