I don't know what to do.
- Thread starter skeletal
- Start date
I'm sorry that you're in that situation. I think I would feel jealous too, if it were me!
Have you spoken with your partner and/or the other couple about this? It sounds like you're feeling very left out, which must be particularly tough since you were the one who initially connected with the other couple. \
If you ruled the universe and could make this situation work out the way you wanted, what would you want?
You could tell your partner that you're uncomfortable with the amount of time he's spending with the other couple and ask him to limit that time. Be aware that while you unquestionably have the right to ask, he has the right to refuse. Or you could accept the amount of time but ask him to stop telling you how "hot" it is because that makes you feel... however you feel. (Sad, jealous, as if you *aren't* hot, etc.)
You could tell the other guy, the one you met on OKC, that you're feeling a bit left out and ignored, and that hurts you because you valued the connection you'd formed with him. You could ask him for more time together.
You could talk to the other couple and let them know you'd like to spend more time with the two of them than you are currently.
You could sit down with all three of the other people and ask to create an informal, flexible schedule in which each of you is getting what you all consider a "fair" amount of time with your primary partners, with each of the other two, with *both* of the other two, and as a group of four.
There are a lot of possible ways to handle the situation, but they all boil down to one thing: Communication. In any relationship, whether poly or mono, there has to be communication in order to make things work. If you aren't willing or able to express to your partner and the other two how you're feeling and what your needs are in this situation, they have no way of knowing. You might not get the results and outcome you wish for, but it's fairly likely you'll end up with something better than what's happening and how you're feeling now.
I wish you the best of luck.
Have you spoken with your partner and/or the other couple about this? It sounds like you're feeling very left out, which must be particularly tough since you were the one who initially connected with the other couple. \
If you ruled the universe and could make this situation work out the way you wanted, what would you want?
You could tell your partner that you're uncomfortable with the amount of time he's spending with the other couple and ask him to limit that time. Be aware that while you unquestionably have the right to ask, he has the right to refuse. Or you could accept the amount of time but ask him to stop telling you how "hot" it is because that makes you feel... however you feel. (Sad, jealous, as if you *aren't* hot, etc.)
You could tell the other guy, the one you met on OKC, that you're feeling a bit left out and ignored, and that hurts you because you valued the connection you'd formed with him. You could ask him for more time together.
You could talk to the other couple and let them know you'd like to spend more time with the two of them than you are currently.
You could sit down with all three of the other people and ask to create an informal, flexible schedule in which each of you is getting what you all consider a "fair" amount of time with your primary partners, with each of the other two, with *both* of the other two, and as a group of four.
There are a lot of possible ways to handle the situation, but they all boil down to one thing: Communication. In any relationship, whether poly or mono, there has to be communication in order to make things work. If you aren't willing or able to express to your partner and the other two how you're feeling and what your needs are in this situation, they have no way of knowing. You might not get the results and outcome you wish for, but it's fairly likely you'll end up with something better than what's happening and how you're feeling now.
I wish you the best of luck.
opalescent
Active member
I hate after the fact deletes. Makes a mockery of the people who bothered to comment. If you don't want things to get out don't post them on a searchable forum in the first place.
Dagferi
Well-known member
Amen
opalescent
Active member
Do I think that policy needs to be changed? No, I don't.
Will I note my frustrations when people delete their entire comment? Yes. Just because it's acceptable under the policy doesn't mean I can't comment my hopes that people behave otherwise.
Will I note my frustrations when people delete their entire comment? Yes. Just because it's acceptable under the policy doesn't mean I can't comment my hopes that people behave otherwise.
opalescent
Active member
Oh, it doesn't crack my top 100 pet peeve list! Yes, truly not a big deal.