i have messed up so many monogamous relationships

[iloveyouboth]

Dear All

i have been in a dozen mono relationships only to get really bored and frustrated , i love women and also like guys but have not had much experience with guys,

i am sad that the beautiful women in my life that have been my girlfriends are now lost to me, all that love and time and commitment has been wasted as i am now single.

I want to be in a relationship with either to women or a woman and a guy , so that there is always one of us around to hug.

holly moley i am glad i said that , if only i had said and known that 20 years ago

what a waist of time doing anything else

thanks for being here

 

[vinsanity0]

Good luck to you. I was a serial monogamist myself. I remember it was a great relief when I finally figured out what I needed to be happy.

 

[Andorra]

what a waist of time doing anything else

thanks for being here

I doubt I am mistaken in saying you are in good company. I tried monogamy early on and then again later after my first poly relationship and I can tell you that I had the same issues with monogamy.. well at least with just a single partner... I am not sure what it is that makes us different but I for one feel a lot more energized and less pressured from a + relationship than a single one... it isn't that I am not willing to work on relationships ...its more that I get bored so easily falling into the same old song and dance routine that single couples get mired in. Having different personalities, ideas, even different sexual styles keeps everything so alive and when you need 'you' time, your not forcing the others to be alone without company if that's what they want or need so you can actually relax and enjoy time spent to yourself or with the other partners while everyone is able to appreciate what each has to give to the overall relationship.

Expressing it is hard to do and something I haven't tried before... but I have never experienced anything more beautiful than a + dynamic and I will never try for anything else. I wish you the best and don't ever hide who you are or what you want.. I can promise you will be happier for it!!

 

[CaptainCharisma]

I was a serial monogamist up until a year ago. It made me desperately unhappy because I loved each of my partners so much but felt unable to maintain focus on one person for more than a year or two. When I learned about poly, I vowed to be poly forevermore, etc. and feel a lot more balanced as a person.

However, neither of my current partners has expressed much interest in finding another person... It comes up now and again, but they don't do anything about it. I think I've grown accustomed to the way it is now (closed V, more or less), and the idea of change frightens me. I'm terrified at the prospect of gaining a metamour. I've read The Ethical Slut and The Jealousy Workbook. I've meditated, written, had long and deep talks about it with my partners, and poured a lot of effort into taking time to soothe my anxiety when it pops up. But I still feel like I can't overcome it, and I don't want to end up hurting my partners.

Could you please share some insight on tackling jealousy?

 

[kdt26417]

Hi iloveyouboth,

It sounds like you have had an aha moment; that makes me glad. If we can be of further help to you please let us know.

@ CaptainCharisma ... I will show you the links I have regarding jealousy. Don't know if it will help.

Jealousy, Envy, Insecurity, etc.
How do you achieve compersion?

Jealousy and Insecurity
The Theory of Jealousy Management
The Practice of Jealousy Management

Jealousy and the Poly Family
Brené Brown: the Power of Vulnerability

I figure it's not much, since you've gone through the Jealousy Workbook, but maybe there's some little nugget here or there that will help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.