Immune to NRE

S

SEASONEDpolyAgain

Well-known member
I made so many mistakes in my early polyamorous days where I let NRE cause issues in relationships or partners or metamours did it instead. Now, I'm so wary of NRE that I can't relax enough and enjoy those early days for the magic that they are. But I miss it. I don't miss the drama, hurting or being hurt, but I do miss that fizz in the belly and skip of the heart. I still get a buzz from the security and comfort of an established relationship but I feel like the lack of NRE lessens the liklihood of reaching that stage.

Can anyone relate?
 
Sort of. I kind of find that being cautious about NRE actually extends it longer for me - like, it'd start fizzling after six months if you go All In, but at a slightly more rationed pace? It can last for years...
 
Hello SEASONEDpolyAgain,

I think there are good things and bad things about NRE. I wouldn't suggest doing away with NRE altogether, but I would suggest using caution when in NRE. But I admit, I hadn't heard of a situation where you *can't* have NRE, or even, where you don't *want* to have NRE. I guess in that case you would just enjoy whatever feelings are there, you can still love somebody even if you are not in NRE with them.

Just some thoughts ...
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Thanks for the replies.

I think it's because I feel like there is the expectation that the excitement of a new relationship will mean you are naturally going to neglect your other relationships. When I am not prepared to fit in extra dates or stay later than planned or make commitments I can't keep, it is read as disinterest or incompatibility and so the relationship never gets to an established stage.
 
I think that's on your partners and not on you - I, for one, prefer people to be a bit more realistic about such things. I mean, I admit I love to hear "I wish I could do X, but I am committed to do Y", but when partners actually start neglecting Y (things they need to do) in favor of X (time with me), it's actually terrible for the sustainability of a relationship at a given intensity, as eventually Y will start banging them over the head.

And even the "I'd love to do X instead of Y" is less of a desire than it used to be - I'd like my partners and hypothetical partners to be *happy* in their lives, not escaping their lives to be with me.
 
I remember writing this. It was actually an age thing. I no longer found the "thrill" of intense, emotional relationships particularly attractive, but I did kind of associate that roller-coaster ride with "chemistry".

Now, chemistry for me is feeling like we can slot into each others's lives in a mutually fulfilling but peaceful fashion. When we do that, I very much experience the buzz of NRE.
 
My wife and I are in our first poly relationship, but for me, the NRE lasted only a few weeks. As soon as our girlfriend started sleeping in our bed every night, it felt like we'd been together for years.
My wife on the other hand is still feeling the NRE as strong as ever. It's her first time with a woman.
 
SquishyHusk said:
My wife and I are in our first poly relationship, but for me, the NRE lasted only a few weeks. As soon as our girlfriend started sleeping in our bed every night, it felt like we'd been together for years.
My wife on the other hand is still feeling the NRE as strong as ever. It's her first time with a woman.
Click to expand...
Sometimes that feeling of a "click" relatively early in a relationship is NRE. I'd say that as I've aged, I can tell the difference pretty quickly, but from a distance, it can feel the same.

What I mean is that you meet someone, and then you feel that sense of familiarity and belonging pretty quickly after you start spending heaps of time together (because of NRE!).

it feels like the peace I described above, but it's "pseudo-peace". A little way down the line, even a year or two in, you actually do come out of NRE and see it for what it is.

That long lasting sneaky NRE can be a real bummer because you can make a lot of rash choices in that year or two.

As I say, I think more than anything, age is what helps me see what's what early on. I think young(er) people in monogamous relationships make similar mistakes. It's not a poly specific thing.
 
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