Interacting with partners after a breakup?

[speedracer]

Hey. So I've been doing the poly thing for something like 15 years now. About a year ago I started dating someone new to poly, fell madly in love, moved in, then over the last couple months things turned bad in some pretty big ways and they broke up with me. I've been devastated - it's been way harder than my divorce - and I'm at the point where I'm finally starting to find the pieces, so maybe some day I can start putting the pieces back together.

I've been leaning on my friends and partners for a lot of support lately. I've also been worried about leaning on my partners too hard, especially when talking about someone who was a partner of mine. I've been talking with them about how I worry about leaning on them too hard, and they've been supportive, but even with all the communication I still worry that I'm being an imposition and that I shouldn't be leaning on them this much about my relationship stuff. How do you all deal with that?

 

[AutumnLeaves]

I've been talking with them about how I worry about leaning on them too hard, and they've been supportive, but even with all the communication I still worry that I'm being an imposition and that I shouldn't be leaning on them this much about my relationship stuff. How do you all deal with that?

I'm sorry that you're struggling so much right now. I'm going through a breakup right now and leaning on my partners a lot, too, so I'm doing some leaning, but not to the same extent.

I try to take my partners words at face value when they say I'm not leaning too hard. One of the things that really makes me feel valued in a relationship is when someone leans on me for emotional support, so I can believe that they really mean it.

The rest is all self-doubt. You should trust your partners to tell you when they can't deal, or you'll drive yourself mad with the second-guessing game.

 

[kdt26417]

Hi speedracer,

Just wanted to voice my support and say that I think you're dealing with things just fine, as well as any rational person could deal.

I'm sure it will take a long time to heal, but maybe things are just a little bit better?

Sincerely,
Kevin T.