Interesting....

[AZtriad]

So last night our gf was messing around with my husband and talking about getting another boyfriend. It really bugged him. Me and him have had this talk before. he is not comfortable with either of us having a bf. For me it's okay. I actually have no desire to have a bf. I actually kinda have a desire to have a gf and he is ok with that.

So last night on our way home from her house she tells him she wants to talk to him. Uh oh. That's a scary thing. Who knows what she is gonna say? She says it's nothing bad, but she does have some questions. I'm very curious as to what these questions are.

So again this morning, me and him talked again and he tells me he would not be comfortable with either of us having a gf and he would be jealous. I told him, "Feeling jealous?" It makes me sad and glad at the same time that he would feel this. Sad because, of course, I don't want him to feel like that. But at the same time I'm kinda glad he is feeling it, because, as I explained to him, that is how I feel. So maybe he will understand how I'm feeling and we can better cope with it.

So last night we had a bit of an argument, and I explained to him sometimes I just want him to hold me and kiss me. I know he loves me very much and would never leave me. I just need him to show me. So in the middle of the night I woke up to him holding me very tight, and omg it felt sooo good. I just can't explain how good it felt. Maybe he is finally getting it? I really hope so.

There are only good things to come. We might have our ups and downs, but every relationship does, no matter how many people are in it. We just need to learn from it and move on.

I hope everyone has a good week!!!

 

[Malfunktions]

Communication

Crux and I have been going through the some of the same lately. IMO, you can't move forward without communication. Even if I'm to the "I don't want to talk about it anymore" part, Crux pursues for resolution. That works for us, where it may not work for you.

 

[Flowerchild]

You feel the same way? Are you jealous of his relationship with the girlfriend? I notice you call her a girlfriend and not a partner. Are you and he ensuring all her needs are met, especially since you're denying her others? Does she have equal standing in the relationship?

 

[london]

So your husband had two women, and you can share his gf, but neither if you are allowed to have your own relationship with anyone else, because he is so insecure. I happen to believe that the majority of being poly is accepting your partners loving other people. When you can't do this, and seek to control how much they love other people and whom they love, you start to move away from what polyamory is, or at least what good poly is about.

If I were to ask my husband how he could feel more secure in a polyamorous relationship, I'd help him in any way I could, and then I'd go and find other lovers. He would have to learn to deal with it our love, but I certainly wouldn't let his petty issues get in my way.

 

[Natja]

This relationship is not a triad anymore, but a vee. We never hear the gf's POV, so we don't know if the one-penis policy bothers her or not. And the OP is grieving from the loss of her relationship. Perhaps this is not the best time to challenge her about an issue that is not exactly her business anymore.

 

[london]

Why do you think it isn't a triad? She said "our girlfriend."

 

[Natja]

Why do you think it isn't a triad? She said "our girlfriend."

I don't 'think' she isn't in a triad, I know she is no longer in a triad. She has posted elsewhere on this forum that she and the girlfriend have broken up. But you may not have noticed as she has done it under a different username.

This is her latest thread:
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=49127

So reviving this thread might just add a bit of salt to the wound.

 

[london]

Oh, firstly, I didn't realise this was an old thread, and with the username change, I'd have never got that. So all in all, my bad.

 

[Moose67]

So your husband has two women, and you can share his, but neither of you are allowed to have your own relationship with anyone else, because he is so insecure. I happen to believe that the majority of being poly is accepting your partners loving other people. When you can't do this, and seek to control how much they love other people, and who they love, you start to move away from what polyamory is, or at least what good poly is about.

I'd ask your husband how he could feel more secure in a polyamorous relationship. I'd help him in any way I could. And then I'd go and find other lovers. He would have to learn to deal with it, or leave, but I certainly wouldn't let his petty issues get in my way.

London: Excellent response! Sounds like Mr. Big Shot wants to have his cake and eat it too!

Doesn't sound like poly to me. Sounds like his mini-harem.