Journey of a Young Poly Person

I am exhausted. I'm on my way home from a family gathering as I write this. I'm posting it when I get home.

I told Pink that I love him and why. He thinks it's half NRE, half love, and that it's real.

Pink is officially my Daddy! We still have lots to talk about but best early Christmas present ever!

So, I won't be his primary or girlfriend, at least not until his divorce is final in June. Not only does he have to be very low key about his relationships due to the divorce, Traditional made him very cautious. I've heard stories about his wife from his end. While it does suck completely on my end, I do understand, and he did say that no one would be his primary.
 
Merry Christmas!

This is the good night message I woke up to this morning: Nite nite... Just had a 1-hour call with [Traditional], begging to come back. I told her I still care deeply, but she needs help and anything between us would have to start over with new rules. We are meeting on Saturday to discuss how she'll be allowed to interact with me in public, since we frequent the same locations.

I feel jealous and ticked off. She has caused everyone SO much stress and yet he's thinking about it? I understand she's sick and some of her behavior she can't help. However, she struggled with him being poly and is very insecure otherwise anyway. As for why I feel jealous, he spent last night working and then dealing with her. He didn't get a break. I was stupid and figured he'd be too busy last night so I didn't ask for FaceTime until later last night and went to bed a few hours later. I'm jealous because he made time for her and not me when I'M his partner, not her. I know I have to tell him that I was jealous but I don't see what good it will do.

Time to go open presents. I had to get all of this out before having to pretend I'm happy and cheery in front of my parents. I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
 
Today ended up a LOT better than it started out.

There will be no meeting tomorrow. A friend will get his key and give her her stuff back. He does have to see her tomorrow night but thankfully his friends will be there to buffer.

We talked about how I felt. He understood why I felt that way.

He told me he missed my face after we hadn't talked in four hours today! It made me giggle and wiggle. I didn't expect to hear from him until I texted him what I planned to be an hour or two later (I had emails and messages I'd neglected to catch up on) so it was a nice surprise.

Mommy and I had a nice talk today. I heard about her Christmas and about Nicole's brother being a pain in the butt. I'm waiting on her to tell me it's FaceTime.

Tomorrow is a busy day but stuff will start getting to the new normal soon after New Years.
 
12-26-15

My brain wouldn't shut off last night after talking to Pink at 1:30 am. He told me how adorable and cute I am and how he loves seeing my face and me wiggle. When we got off, he said he needed time with his Little (meaning me--he has other Littles [my Mommy and Nicole] but I'm the only one who calls him Daddy).

I got up at 3:30 and eventually started watching Doctor Who with my mom. I watched two or three episodes. I eventually did my dildo training and a quick craft. I didn't really get to talk to anyone before leaving at 11 to go to my Gmom's.

Being a Little who has no access to her Daddy for five hours while running on no sleep and knowing when your Daddy can talk (cause he's busy with family stuff) and living an hour from your home where you can talk to him was bad. I turned into a brat. My mom yelled at me. I regressed and starting crying. I was disappointed in myself for my behavior, knew Daddy and Mommy would be disappointed in me, and I was running out of time before my Daddy had an event to go to and couldn't talk to me. I'm not excusing my behavior or anything.

When we finally got home, I texted Pink right away and apologized for not being home by the time I said I would be. I had dinner and we Facetimed twice before he had to go. I cried and he reassured me. He told me he understood and he wished he could be there to cuddle me. Our second time he told me that I make him smile, that I make his day brighter, and that he's starting to feel things for me that he's cautious to feel.

Mommy and I talked briefly. I found out that Nicole was grumpy so I checked up on her. I'm not as upset about her not wishing me Merry Christmas like I was.
 
This was a few hours ago: am SO scared of the changes that will happen. Before, I was able to say, "Daddy will have other partners besides you, Mommy, and Sissy. He will have sex with other people and that's okay, it takes some pressure off you. You want him to be happy and have people who enhance his life," in my brain and mostly believe it. Mommy reminded me that he will have other partners at some point during FaceTime and it was like a dam broke in me. Mostly, my worry is that he won't have enough time for me. I worry that, when he's ready to make someone his primary, I won't even be in the running due to how far I live from him and other reasons. I worry that our relationship won't be special anymore. I worry that story time will become something we only do once or twice a week instead of every night like we try to do. I love my Daddy and he knows I'm not going anywhere but I am terrified.

Mommy and I Facetimed! She told me about how she got to safely regress and she got to chase a friend who identifies as a dragon for pet play. I'm so glad she got to have fun.

I almost have enough money saved to go visit my partners! Yay! I am SO excited.
 
Pink and I had a discussion. I am going to be his ONLY Little girl and it turns out that was agreed upon long ago by him and Mommy. He can and will have other subs but our Daddy/Little dynamic belongs to us and that won't change. A part of me is scared that it will because you can't predict relationships or put them into a box but I also know plenty of people keep them separate successfully.

He and I had almost an hour long FaceTime last night. He sounded possessive when he called me his and I loved it, although he is not possessive. Maybe I'll get lucky and he will be with me.

Mommy and I are okay. She's been pretty busy and not having a phone has made life difficult.

I haven't talked to Nicole in two days. I need to reach out to her.
 
If you discount the overreaction my Little side had today, today was good. I got a LOT done and am flying through the seasons on Dr. Who, which please Pink. There's only eight on Netflix.

Nicole has food poisoning and has been throwing up all day and all last night. I'm glad Mommy is there to take care of her.
 
Things with Daddy are hard. He's overworked and stressed. He can't get the work he needs to get done because of people distracting him. He's distant and I feel lost. All I want to do is make him feel better and help him. I'm learning how to help him by learning a skill for him. I watch Dr. Who to understand an interest of his. It's not helping me feel less lost.

Happy New Year everyone!
 
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