LostPixie
New member
Please forgive me as I bumble about here, my feelings and thoughts have been very jumbled lately (actually increasingly so over the last few months), but two of my loves find this a good outlet, so I'm hoping it helps me as well.
Not really looking for anything in particular, other than a safe-ish space to express myself and all the mess that I tend to be.
Who am I?
I'm 30, CIS female, white, pagan, polyamorous, pansensual, divorced mother of two boy "Monkeys" ages 2 & 5. I find myself often caught on the controversial topics in parenting and other areas.
I've been unemployed for 5 months as I have not figured out how to work without putting myself into debt faster than not working, thanks to needing childcare fulltime to work parttime, likely at minimum wage. Sure I could seek govmt assistance, but that would take more from ex-hubs paycheck and sink him financially, which worsens things for me and our boys any way you cut it.
Anyone who actually knows me will recognize me so I'm not sure how much I'll end up revealing.... probably too much.
I try to fill the world with light, hope, positivity, and understanding. But my inner world is often lacking these. Pretty sure I'm bipolar with anxiety.
Current relationships?
Apparently I'm a solo poly person, by common definition.
I love many people, several of them romantically, a few even return these affections. I have a pair of steadys I had considered myself in a strong triad with, until recently one part of that has been thrown into Limbo, more on this another time.... maybe. I also have a pair of lovers who are not at a "romantic love" level, likely due to a lack of close time together. And a couple lovers who are so part-time/ drifted I'm not sure if we are anything more than friends at this time.
I'm still figuring out alias for these people.
What's up with the title?
With a few brief exemptions I often feel trapped in my position in life. as though the precise trap changes over time, or I escape one trap simply to find myself in another. Some are worse than others of course.
I think this revolves around feeling that I am always too much for everyone to handle, yet never enough for anyone to be satisfied with. That feeling I can date back to age 5. There are very few memories before that time, but most seemed pleasant.
Get help?
I'm in therapy now, she's awesome but we've only met 6 times and due to insurance limitations I can't see her "often enough".
Anyway, I think thats enough for the moment.
Not really looking for anything in particular, other than a safe-ish space to express myself and all the mess that I tend to be.
Who am I?
I'm 30, CIS female, white, pagan, polyamorous, pansensual, divorced mother of two boy "Monkeys" ages 2 & 5. I find myself often caught on the controversial topics in parenting and other areas.
I've been unemployed for 5 months as I have not figured out how to work without putting myself into debt faster than not working, thanks to needing childcare fulltime to work parttime, likely at minimum wage. Sure I could seek govmt assistance, but that would take more from ex-hubs paycheck and sink him financially, which worsens things for me and our boys any way you cut it.
Anyone who actually knows me will recognize me so I'm not sure how much I'll end up revealing.... probably too much.
I try to fill the world with light, hope, positivity, and understanding. But my inner world is often lacking these. Pretty sure I'm bipolar with anxiety.
Current relationships?
Apparently I'm a solo poly person, by common definition.
I love many people, several of them romantically, a few even return these affections. I have a pair of steadys I had considered myself in a strong triad with, until recently one part of that has been thrown into Limbo, more on this another time.... maybe. I also have a pair of lovers who are not at a "romantic love" level, likely due to a lack of close time together. And a couple lovers who are so part-time/ drifted I'm not sure if we are anything more than friends at this time.
I'm still figuring out alias for these people.
What's up with the title?
With a few brief exemptions I often feel trapped in my position in life. as though the precise trap changes over time, or I escape one trap simply to find myself in another. Some are worse than others of course.
I think this revolves around feeling that I am always too much for everyone to handle, yet never enough for anyone to be satisfied with. That feeling I can date back to age 5. There are very few memories before that time, but most seemed pleasant.
Get help?
I'm in therapy now, she's awesome but we've only met 6 times and due to insurance limitations I can't see her "often enough".
Anyway, I think thats enough for the moment.