LostPixie
New member
There's a lot I want to say, and I keep not feeling like there's enough time.
Between Monkeys and I being sick so much (as well as exhub, Sunshine/Roommate, and my grands: aka everyone who is familiar with watching monkeys on their own) it became fully evident that a brick and mortar job is not going to work right now. Monkey 1 had two entire weeks home sick, with a week of school in between during which Monkey 2 was sick, and I was recovering from a wicked sinus infection.
"Hi thanks for hiring me, but I need 3 weeks off right now because my house has plague.... Sorry this screws up the training flow!!)".
Yeah, that'd go over GREAT!!! Especially on top of the very limited availability I have. *rolleyes* and the hoping exhub doesn't flake, which he seems non-commital again so who knows!!
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Meanwhile, my pair of Gfs got married. YAY!!! I miss them. but between sicknesses, bad roads and assorted shit moods we've been kind of distant for a bit.
For the same reasons I haven't seen the new hopeful guy again. So 2 lunch dates getting acquainted is it so far. Oops. :-/
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Also, progress on buying house came down to the very last day.... Hoping it's all set now.... TONS OF ANXIETY!!!!! Also car insurance renews tomorrow if we don't change it, and we are changing it, but gotta actually get. it. done.
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And I mentioned my grands have been sick. That's an understatement. My gram has actually been in the hospital for over a week now caused by a secondary infection (cellulitis in a leg which spread to groin lymph nodes, and the swelling caused her skin to rupture and become raw). No clue when she will be released yet, but I'm told she's recovering well. I'm not quite solidly healthy yet so I can't go visit her, in case she picked up another illness from me. X-/
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One of the few things I'm NOT overly anxious about right now, is Goth. We reconnected this past weekend, and I've spent a few weeks introspecting needs, wants, and grey soace between.
Acknowledging that the relationship itself is bipolar, I am currently in a "space" where I accept it as it is, and while I highly doubt it will continue "forever" in it's current format, I don't think Id mind much if it did.
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I've grown a lot in the past couple years, and while I'm not going to claim I'm not a sloppy hinge, I'm doing better at handling my own shit without handing it all to people who don't want to hear about it. j
It helps that there are people who offer to hear about it and work as sounding space for me to vent, process, and regroup!! Gee. If only I could have figured that bit out a bit better before. Maybe I wouldn't have caused such heartache and mess for Guitarist and Autumn. NOT to say either item would have been without troubles, but I hate that I caused them both heaps of pain. Those friendships are still very "we are allies, and friends, but not really close or conversing directly." And I don't want to push, or expect anything to change. Maybe some day.
There's still art in my head that needs to be made and given to them.
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I have a friend coming over for the weekend, from out of town. Hoping it goes well!!
Sunshine is feeling overly-swamped by her bf being here damn near all the time. She and I never intended him to frikkin live here, and she's still working out how deep her feelings for him go, which is hard when he's here 5+ days (including their sleep time) each week (they work same shift at the same place and his house is 2 hours away). She doesn't have enough space-time to process. I've actually had to step in a little to help communicate her boundaries regarding physical space, because he hovers and she has a 3ft bubble.
----
The Long Grey Winter can stop with the isolation any time though. I have rediscovered that I **CAN** do just about everything myself if I really have to, but it's exhausting, in every way.
Enough ramble. Time to sleep. Oh, and Monkey has a 4.5 day weekend starting tomorrow afternoon.... yay.
Between Monkeys and I being sick so much (as well as exhub, Sunshine/Roommate, and my grands: aka everyone who is familiar with watching monkeys on their own) it became fully evident that a brick and mortar job is not going to work right now. Monkey 1 had two entire weeks home sick, with a week of school in between during which Monkey 2 was sick, and I was recovering from a wicked sinus infection.
"Hi thanks for hiring me, but I need 3 weeks off right now because my house has plague.... Sorry this screws up the training flow!!)".
Yeah, that'd go over GREAT!!! Especially on top of the very limited availability I have. *rolleyes* and the hoping exhub doesn't flake, which he seems non-commital again so who knows!!
----
Meanwhile, my pair of Gfs got married. YAY!!! I miss them. but between sicknesses, bad roads and assorted shit moods we've been kind of distant for a bit.
For the same reasons I haven't seen the new hopeful guy again. So 2 lunch dates getting acquainted is it so far. Oops. :-/
----
Also, progress on buying house came down to the very last day.... Hoping it's all set now.... TONS OF ANXIETY!!!!! Also car insurance renews tomorrow if we don't change it, and we are changing it, but gotta actually get. it. done.
----
And I mentioned my grands have been sick. That's an understatement. My gram has actually been in the hospital for over a week now caused by a secondary infection (cellulitis in a leg which spread to groin lymph nodes, and the swelling caused her skin to rupture and become raw). No clue when she will be released yet, but I'm told she's recovering well. I'm not quite solidly healthy yet so I can't go visit her, in case she picked up another illness from me. X-/
----
One of the few things I'm NOT overly anxious about right now, is Goth. We reconnected this past weekend, and I've spent a few weeks introspecting needs, wants, and grey soace between.
Acknowledging that the relationship itself is bipolar, I am currently in a "space" where I accept it as it is, and while I highly doubt it will continue "forever" in it's current format, I don't think Id mind much if it did.
----
I've grown a lot in the past couple years, and while I'm not going to claim I'm not a sloppy hinge, I'm doing better at handling my own shit without handing it all to people who don't want to hear about it. j
It helps that there are people who offer to hear about it and work as sounding space for me to vent, process, and regroup!! Gee. If only I could have figured that bit out a bit better before. Maybe I wouldn't have caused such heartache and mess for Guitarist and Autumn. NOT to say either item would have been without troubles, but I hate that I caused them both heaps of pain. Those friendships are still very "we are allies, and friends, but not really close or conversing directly." And I don't want to push, or expect anything to change. Maybe some day.
There's still art in my head that needs to be made and given to them.
----
I have a friend coming over for the weekend, from out of town. Hoping it goes well!!
Sunshine is feeling overly-swamped by her bf being here damn near all the time. She and I never intended him to frikkin live here, and she's still working out how deep her feelings for him go, which is hard when he's here 5+ days (including their sleep time) each week (they work same shift at the same place and his house is 2 hours away). She doesn't have enough space-time to process. I've actually had to step in a little to help communicate her boundaries regarding physical space, because he hovers and she has a 3ft bubble.
----
The Long Grey Winter can stop with the isolation any time though. I have rediscovered that I **CAN** do just about everything myself if I really have to, but it's exhausting, in every way.
Enough ramble. Time to sleep. Oh, and Monkey has a 4.5 day weekend starting tomorrow afternoon.... yay.