I know some of the more senior members on here might remember me from the past couple years. After the past week, I thought it was a good time to post an update for others, as well as ask for some advice.
If others are interested in my story just search the forums with my username. It's entertaining, to say the least.
My last post mentioned I was thinking of re-entering a poly relationship with Sunny. It took a lot of time and thinking, but I decided to restart things with an understanding that it just might not be for me. So off we went, the four of us. I guess what really helped me turn the page were two events which made me love Sunny so much it naturally brought me back into having a poly relationship.
The first was her unwavering support for me during one of the worst times in my life. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and every few years they pop up and make life very difficult. I mean like if I didn't have kids I might be suicidal kind of difficult. During the end of our initial poly experience my anxiety came back stronger than ever. Perhaps some was caused by me struggling with being poly, but there were other things at play. I had just accepted a new job in a totally new role in a very stressful and ruthless work environment. I was a mess, but every day she was there for me. She helped me through the real difficult attacks, and that support meant the world.
Even Sarah was better. However, it still wasn't the kind of support I needed.
The second event was a trip I took to Portland, OR for business. I got stranded out there due to a winter storm back in NJ, so I had nothing to do for three days. I was alone. I love mountains and snow. So I visited Mt. Hood. WOW. It was amazingly beautiful. I was just in awe of the place. I was in heaven. However, I felt like I had nobody to share it with. Sarah is not a winter weather person but my Sunny likes all seasons. I just got to thinking that we enjoy so much together, I wished she was there with me so we could share in how awesome the place was.
Fast forward a bit and it's Valentine's Day. Things in my life are better. Sarah and I are better. Anxiety is being managed. I am doing very well in my new job. Sarah and I get to talking about exchanging cards with our OSOs. We agree we will. On my way over there, Sarah was encouraging me to "give Sunny a kiss". It was no secret that Sarah had no problems with polyamory, as she had hinted a few times before. So there I went with card in hand. In a few minutes, I was exchanging a kiss with Sunny.
Since then it's been good. I haven't had nearly the problems I had first go 'round. I still have issues where I am extremely attracted to Sarah, but not so much to Sunny, but our sex is still enjoyable. For example, I try and pry sex out of Sarah all the time, but I don't feel that urge too often with Sunny.
I would say I still struggle with figuring out the attraction issue. I can't help the way I feel. It's a mind/hormonal thing that I cannot control. Example, long flowing hair is like a fetish to me. It drives me wild. But Sunny doesn't have that. Not even close. I sometimes think I stayed with Sarah all the bad years because she is hot. At least, my attraction to her plays a big role in my marriage.
So, I continue to evaluate and question myself, but I am enjoying my relationships with Sunny and Sarah.
If others are interested in my story just search the forums with my username. It's entertaining, to say the least.
My last post mentioned I was thinking of re-entering a poly relationship with Sunny. It took a lot of time and thinking, but I decided to restart things with an understanding that it just might not be for me. So off we went, the four of us. I guess what really helped me turn the page were two events which made me love Sunny so much it naturally brought me back into having a poly relationship.
The first was her unwavering support for me during one of the worst times in my life. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and every few years they pop up and make life very difficult. I mean like if I didn't have kids I might be suicidal kind of difficult. During the end of our initial poly experience my anxiety came back stronger than ever. Perhaps some was caused by me struggling with being poly, but there were other things at play. I had just accepted a new job in a totally new role in a very stressful and ruthless work environment. I was a mess, but every day she was there for me. She helped me through the real difficult attacks, and that support meant the world.
Even Sarah was better. However, it still wasn't the kind of support I needed.
The second event was a trip I took to Portland, OR for business. I got stranded out there due to a winter storm back in NJ, so I had nothing to do for three days. I was alone. I love mountains and snow. So I visited Mt. Hood. WOW. It was amazingly beautiful. I was just in awe of the place. I was in heaven. However, I felt like I had nobody to share it with. Sarah is not a winter weather person but my Sunny likes all seasons. I just got to thinking that we enjoy so much together, I wished she was there with me so we could share in how awesome the place was.
Fast forward a bit and it's Valentine's Day. Things in my life are better. Sarah and I are better. Anxiety is being managed. I am doing very well in my new job. Sarah and I get to talking about exchanging cards with our OSOs. We agree we will. On my way over there, Sarah was encouraging me to "give Sunny a kiss". It was no secret that Sarah had no problems with polyamory, as she had hinted a few times before. So there I went with card in hand. In a few minutes, I was exchanging a kiss with Sunny.
Since then it's been good. I haven't had nearly the problems I had first go 'round. I still have issues where I am extremely attracted to Sarah, but not so much to Sunny, but our sex is still enjoyable. For example, I try and pry sex out of Sarah all the time, but I don't feel that urge too often with Sunny.
I would say I still struggle with figuring out the attraction issue. I can't help the way I feel. It's a mind/hormonal thing that I cannot control. Example, long flowing hair is like a fetish to me. It drives me wild. But Sunny doesn't have that. Not even close. I sometimes think I stayed with Sarah all the bad years because she is hot. At least, my attraction to her plays a big role in my marriage.
So, I continue to evaluate and question myself, but I am enjoying my relationships with Sunny and Sarah.
