So, I have come back to this site after a hiatus away.
Not sure where to begin or what to talk about but have realized that I need a space to talk about polyamory issues.
I am married to saltandredpepper. Almost 4 years now. Our anniversary is Feb 2! We are involved in a long distance Triad with a woman I shall called Birch. I am bisexual but saltandredpepper "SRP" is not. Including SRP and I she has 5 "dates" as she calls them. She practices "Solo Polyamory" and does not live with any of her dates. She is very independent, emotionally detached and prone to being somewhat of a D.
We met Birch last year and became involved with her after being "cruised" by her... She is compelling, much younger than us and Queer. She mesmerized me.
So, she came to stay with us for a month back in September and I began to notice that she was more attracted to SRP than she was to me. I noticed that she looked at and touched him in ways she did not touch me. I began to develop insecurity around this knowledge and found myself pulling back from her. Which probably only made things more strained.
I feel myself shutting down and feeling "less than" in this triad and feel sad and depressed.... What was so promising has become something that makes me feel sad. It seemed for a while that the NRE between the two of them was crazy. I began to feel like I was a "side dish" of no consequence.
She started a demanding residency after she left our house in October and now I don't hear from her very often because she works 16 hours day and can't text. And while I understand that she is busy and consumed with the residency, emotionally it has begun to feel like I don't matter. Which is bullshit on my part. I find I have more of a need to communicate daily than either SRP or Birch. Silence from a partner or "date" feels like death to me. I just don't understand why I feel like this.
I'm looking for ways to not seek validation or love from them....
Darn, I'm losing track of myself in this post.
Not sure where to begin or what to talk about but have realized that I need a space to talk about polyamory issues.
I am married to saltandredpepper. Almost 4 years now. Our anniversary is Feb 2! We are involved in a long distance Triad with a woman I shall called Birch. I am bisexual but saltandredpepper "SRP" is not. Including SRP and I she has 5 "dates" as she calls them. She practices "Solo Polyamory" and does not live with any of her dates. She is very independent, emotionally detached and prone to being somewhat of a D.
We met Birch last year and became involved with her after being "cruised" by her... She is compelling, much younger than us and Queer. She mesmerized me.
So, she came to stay with us for a month back in September and I began to notice that she was more attracted to SRP than she was to me. I noticed that she looked at and touched him in ways she did not touch me. I began to develop insecurity around this knowledge and found myself pulling back from her. Which probably only made things more strained.
I feel myself shutting down and feeling "less than" in this triad and feel sad and depressed.... What was so promising has become something that makes me feel sad. It seemed for a while that the NRE between the two of them was crazy. I began to feel like I was a "side dish" of no consequence.
She started a demanding residency after she left our house in October and now I don't hear from her very often because she works 16 hours day and can't text. And while I understand that she is busy and consumed with the residency, emotionally it has begun to feel like I don't matter. Which is bullshit on my part. I find I have more of a need to communicate daily than either SRP or Birch. Silence from a partner or "date" feels like death to me. I just don't understand why I feel like this.
I'm looking for ways to not seek validation or love from them....
Darn, I'm losing track of myself in this post.
