Hello everyone,
Firstly, I'm going to apologize in advance for the length of this post. This is the first time I've shared my story with anyone outside of my family, and I feel like there's a lot to say.
This is my first polyamorous relationship/experience, and it isn't in the best place. It all started in August when my best friend (and coworker), who we'll call Nicole, asked me to join her and her husband in a threesome. I was attracted to her, although I've never labeled myself bisexual; and her husband was also very attractive. Nicole and I had had many conversations about how she and her husband, who we'll call Antonio, were looking for ways to spice up their sex life. In particular, they wanted to have a threesome. Anyways, that night in August, which also happened to be my birthday, was the most amazing, gratifying sexual experience I've ever had in my life.
The days and weeks following that night were just as exciting. Nicole and I had inside jokes that we could make during our crazy work day, and then I would go to their house for our threesome nights. It became a regular thing, and Nicole gave me their spare key. They would have me spend the night there almost every night, until my clothes and things gradually made their way into the bedroom. I fell hard for both of them. And me, being the lover that I am, I told them the moment I had feelings. Antonio reciprocated his feelings. Nicole, however, didn't.
I thought everything was going great, except Nicole and I were not the best of communicators with each other. We would use Antonio as the "middle man" most of the time. She expressed that she was jealous of the relationship Antonio and I had, and I assured her that she was my best friend, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. I wasn't there to steal her husband, and I actually fell in love with her first.
Ever since then, things seemed rocky with us. They asked me to move out, so I went back to my apartment. Nicole said that the relationship between Antonio and I made her jealous, so I wasn't allowed to call him pet names, and he and I weren't allowed to talk without her being a part of the conversation. Being the "extra" in the marriage, all I could do was comply, no matter how invalid I felt her demands were. It wasn't my marriage, and they invited me in, so I had to obey their rules.
About a month went by, and I thought things were better. Nicole would ask me to come over and help her with the house, or the kids. I thought it was her way of showing her love, so of course I ate it up and did everything she asked. We all still felt the same way, and still made crazy, passionate love with each other.
Then, Nicole started acting weird. She would stop being a part of our "play time", she would only complain about Antonio when she talked about him, and she wouldn't invite me to spend the night anymore. I talked to her and asked her what the problem was. She brought up her being jealous again. I assured her that I wasn't trying to steal her husband. I encouraged her that we could make it work, and that I wasn't in a rush. I would rather spend years on a romantic relationship and keep our friendship, than to rush into it and lose my best friend.
She called a meeting with the three of us that night, and asked me to leave the relationship. Antonio and I were completely caught off guard, because we were under the impression that things were going to be worked out together, not just one person making a decision. She had restricted our relationship so much with the last meeting, that Antonio and I hadn't talked alone until that night. I left the house completely infuriated, because I felt that Nicole didn't take into consideration the way that Antonio and I felt about not just each other, but our triad.
Antonio talked to me and told me that the break up was not what he wanted. I didn't believe him at first, but as he kept insisting, I trusted him. we started talking more and figuring out how we could make the situation better for the three of us. Nicole's biggest issue is the social implication that a triad would have on her life. She was embarrassed of our relationship, and hid it from everyone in her close circle. Antonio and I were the complete opposite, not being afraid to share our new found love. We continued to talk and even saw each other twice. We texted a lot, though, talking about how we wanted to have a future together.
The problem is that they both were texting me and talking to me about how much their marriage was ending. I was in love with both of them, and they're both talking bad about the other person. I told both of them the same story - I'm not stealing the husband, and marriage is forever. I don't believe in breaking up families, because my family was broken up.
Nicole called me yesterday morning around 5:30, yelling at me saying that exactly what she feared had come true. And I was such a bad person. Antonio called me and said she had gotten his phone and seen our texts. Not only is she acting like we've been having an extramarital affair for the past three months, but she's ending the marriage.
He called me last night, saying that they've come to an agreement. He will live in the guest room until July, (1) to ensure a smooth transition for the kids, (2) it makes the most financial sense, and (3) to give them time to figure out the legal mess of a divorce.
There's one more catch - he can't talk to me or see me until he moves out. He told me over and over again that I am his soulmate and he loves me and will come for me when it's all over. Is he worth the wait? Absolutely! Of course I feel the same way about him, but I don't want to be naive either. I know the go-to answer is to just leave both of them all together. But, it's not that simple. Do you remember in the first paragraph when I introduced Nicole? She is my coworker. I'm a teacher. She hates the possible social implication of a being involved in a triad relationship. I'm so afraid that she's going to twist this and ruin my reputation; at work, in my family, in the families of my students, by saying that I have been having an affair with her husband this entire time. I'm in a situation that I literally cannot get out of while also making practical life choices.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for, maybe just to vent. But if anyone has been in a situation like this, please share some feedback.
Firstly, I'm going to apologize in advance for the length of this post. This is the first time I've shared my story with anyone outside of my family, and I feel like there's a lot to say.
This is my first polyamorous relationship/experience, and it isn't in the best place. It all started in August when my best friend (and coworker), who we'll call Nicole, asked me to join her and her husband in a threesome. I was attracted to her, although I've never labeled myself bisexual; and her husband was also very attractive. Nicole and I had had many conversations about how she and her husband, who we'll call Antonio, were looking for ways to spice up their sex life. In particular, they wanted to have a threesome. Anyways, that night in August, which also happened to be my birthday, was the most amazing, gratifying sexual experience I've ever had in my life.
The days and weeks following that night were just as exciting. Nicole and I had inside jokes that we could make during our crazy work day, and then I would go to their house for our threesome nights. It became a regular thing, and Nicole gave me their spare key. They would have me spend the night there almost every night, until my clothes and things gradually made their way into the bedroom. I fell hard for both of them. And me, being the lover that I am, I told them the moment I had feelings. Antonio reciprocated his feelings. Nicole, however, didn't.
I thought everything was going great, except Nicole and I were not the best of communicators with each other. We would use Antonio as the "middle man" most of the time. She expressed that she was jealous of the relationship Antonio and I had, and I assured her that she was my best friend, and I would never do anything to jeopardize that. I wasn't there to steal her husband, and I actually fell in love with her first.
Ever since then, things seemed rocky with us. They asked me to move out, so I went back to my apartment. Nicole said that the relationship between Antonio and I made her jealous, so I wasn't allowed to call him pet names, and he and I weren't allowed to talk without her being a part of the conversation. Being the "extra" in the marriage, all I could do was comply, no matter how invalid I felt her demands were. It wasn't my marriage, and they invited me in, so I had to obey their rules.
About a month went by, and I thought things were better. Nicole would ask me to come over and help her with the house, or the kids. I thought it was her way of showing her love, so of course I ate it up and did everything she asked. We all still felt the same way, and still made crazy, passionate love with each other.
Then, Nicole started acting weird. She would stop being a part of our "play time", she would only complain about Antonio when she talked about him, and she wouldn't invite me to spend the night anymore. I talked to her and asked her what the problem was. She brought up her being jealous again. I assured her that I wasn't trying to steal her husband. I encouraged her that we could make it work, and that I wasn't in a rush. I would rather spend years on a romantic relationship and keep our friendship, than to rush into it and lose my best friend.
She called a meeting with the three of us that night, and asked me to leave the relationship. Antonio and I were completely caught off guard, because we were under the impression that things were going to be worked out together, not just one person making a decision. She had restricted our relationship so much with the last meeting, that Antonio and I hadn't talked alone until that night. I left the house completely infuriated, because I felt that Nicole didn't take into consideration the way that Antonio and I felt about not just each other, but our triad.
Antonio talked to me and told me that the break up was not what he wanted. I didn't believe him at first, but as he kept insisting, I trusted him. we started talking more and figuring out how we could make the situation better for the three of us. Nicole's biggest issue is the social implication that a triad would have on her life. She was embarrassed of our relationship, and hid it from everyone in her close circle. Antonio and I were the complete opposite, not being afraid to share our new found love. We continued to talk and even saw each other twice. We texted a lot, though, talking about how we wanted to have a future together.
The problem is that they both were texting me and talking to me about how much their marriage was ending. I was in love with both of them, and they're both talking bad about the other person. I told both of them the same story - I'm not stealing the husband, and marriage is forever. I don't believe in breaking up families, because my family was broken up.
Nicole called me yesterday morning around 5:30, yelling at me saying that exactly what she feared had come true. And I was such a bad person. Antonio called me and said she had gotten his phone and seen our texts. Not only is she acting like we've been having an extramarital affair for the past three months, but she's ending the marriage.
He called me last night, saying that they've come to an agreement. He will live in the guest room until July, (1) to ensure a smooth transition for the kids, (2) it makes the most financial sense, and (3) to give them time to figure out the legal mess of a divorce.
There's one more catch - he can't talk to me or see me until he moves out. He told me over and over again that I am his soulmate and he loves me and will come for me when it's all over. Is he worth the wait? Absolutely! Of course I feel the same way about him, but I don't want to be naive either. I know the go-to answer is to just leave both of them all together. But, it's not that simple. Do you remember in the first paragraph when I introduced Nicole? She is my coworker. I'm a teacher. She hates the possible social implication of a being involved in a triad relationship. I'm so afraid that she's going to twist this and ruin my reputation; at work, in my family, in the families of my students, by saying that I have been having an affair with her husband this entire time. I'm in a situation that I literally cannot get out of while also making practical life choices.
I'm not sure what I'm asking for, maybe just to vent. But if anyone has been in a situation like this, please share some feedback.
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