Moving in with ex-husband and his new wife, children involved

3

3rd

New member
My ex-husband is remarried, but we are still very much in love. We have talked with his spouse about a poly relationship. She seems open to explore it. We each have a child with him, and don't want to have to split holidays, custody, etc. His wife is a nice woman.

We want to make this work. We are contemplating having me and my child move in with them.

Questions:

Is there any way that we could lose custody of our children if (and WHEN!!!) our families freak out about this?

What kind of boundaries do we set?

I'm bisexual and have no problem sharing intimate time. In fact, I would rather all of us have that part of the relationship together.

I'm new to this and could really use some advice. Thanks so much.
 
Interesting question. I have no idea. I do know that there have been other threads about law, custody, the fear of losing kids and moving in together. Perhaps a search would help you come up with something.
 
From what I have seen, people start off with restrictive boundaries and relax them over time. Just keep communicating, so everyone knows where they stand and what they are comfortable with.

As for custody, it probably varies by state/province. I think in general, it would be hard to take the kids away from their bio-parents. From the cases I have heard, the worst ruling made the third partner move out. Since you would be considered the third partner, I doubt that would be suggested. In general, I think you shouldn't have to worry about it. But you can err on the side of caution and not be explicit about what happens with anyone you think may frown on your relationship.
 
I'm new here myself, but in a situation like yours, I would think that to satisfy most people's curiosity about the odd arrangement, you can just say that you wanted to be able to have your child have the same constant access to his father that he would have had if you'd never broken up. This alone can explain your moving in with him and his wife, and they don't need to know anything about the relationship aspect of it all.
 
Thanks so much for everyone's replies. Tonight our daughter and I are going over there to have dinner with them. His wife is still kind of "iffy" about the whole thing. She was one of the reasons for our divorce in the first place. She thinks this is some kind of revenge or set up.

The truth of the matter is, I love my ex with everything I have. He is truly my other half. At the time she came into the picture, we were having problems, and I put a lot of the blame on her. We tried to live together for a while, but I wasn't ready to deal with it. Now, over a year and some change later, I've realized that I can do this.

I'm excited and a little nervous about tonight. Wish us luck!
 
Hi 3rd,

I find myself very much hoping this works out for you. I think these relationships could work fine. The thing that I think may be a big step (especially for his wife) is moving in together. I hope you can work it all out. Good luck.
 
How far apart in age are the kids? Just tell her it'll be good for them to have each other to play with if you move in. :D

In all seriousness, good luck!
 
It sounds like the three of you have a great base to start from. Things may not have going perfectly in the past, but now you three are communicating about this and are aware of each other's feelings. That is great!

Remember to continue with very open communication. Hopefully his wife will do the same. It is realistic for her to have some fears. All three of you should express your feelings. Maybe it would be easier if you or he started opening up about each of your own feelings first to help open the door and create trust. If you make yourself vulnerable, the others will also be likely to feel more comfortable doing so.
 
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