Ana came to visit last night, a day earlier than I was expecting her. I got a call which went to the effect of “I’m missing you so much, I just got in the car and drove a day earlier than I planned.”
That made me feel super special, and topped up my depleted Love meter. I’ve been feeling pretty down all week after meeting Ana’s new love interest at the weekend. This is our first real excursion into other people, and I reacted less positively than I hoped.
By react, I mean emotionally, as I’ve not acted on any of these negative emotions. As posted in another thread, before starting this blog, we’ve talked a lot about my reactions, and my emotions and she’s been super reassuring this week to me. I kind of think that maybe it’s why she came a little earlier - she could see I needed some extra attention.
My fears and anxiety really revolve around losing the strength of relationship that we have. We are dynamite together, and have a genuine bond. We communicate so well, and talk about everything. It’s a deep, mad, crazy love - sometimes it’s quite overwhelming. We’ve been together about two years now, and the NRE has shown no signs of fading.
I’ve always been an anxious person, and have taken medicine for that in the past. Fortunately, my state of mind is nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past. I think it’s just a time thing. We both went into this on the basis of our relationship being primary, and that polyamory would be a way of us exploring other people, with our relationship at the core of it all.
Nothing that has happened yet has in any way changed that dynamic. I’ve no issues with Ana being with other people, both romantically or sexually - yet I fear being replaced as her primary. I want one Anniversary, Birthdays and Christmas partner.
I know a lot of people try and practice non-hierarchical poly, but I really don’t think that it’s for me at all.
That made me feel super special, and topped up my depleted Love meter. I’ve been feeling pretty down all week after meeting Ana’s new love interest at the weekend. This is our first real excursion into other people, and I reacted less positively than I hoped.
By react, I mean emotionally, as I’ve not acted on any of these negative emotions. As posted in another thread, before starting this blog, we’ve talked a lot about my reactions, and my emotions and she’s been super reassuring this week to me. I kind of think that maybe it’s why she came a little earlier - she could see I needed some extra attention.
My fears and anxiety really revolve around losing the strength of relationship that we have. We are dynamite together, and have a genuine bond. We communicate so well, and talk about everything. It’s a deep, mad, crazy love - sometimes it’s quite overwhelming. We’ve been together about two years now, and the NRE has shown no signs of fading.
I’ve always been an anxious person, and have taken medicine for that in the past. Fortunately, my state of mind is nowhere near as bad as it has been in the past. I think it’s just a time thing. We both went into this on the basis of our relationship being primary, and that polyamory would be a way of us exploring other people, with our relationship at the core of it all.
Nothing that has happened yet has in any way changed that dynamic. I’ve no issues with Ana being with other people, both romantically or sexually - yet I fear being replaced as her primary. I want one Anniversary, Birthdays and Christmas partner.
I know a lot of people try and practice non-hierarchical poly, but I really don’t think that it’s for me at all.