Yes, Zylya, it will continue. And you're right, we should have talked earlier. We won't be so silly again.
My boyfriend is upset, can you overcome jealousy issues?
- Thread starter Aurelie26
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Yes, Zylya, it will continue. And you're right, we should have talked earlier. We won't be so silly again.
Anyway, Geoff has been a lot more inquisitive about Ewan since we had our chats. So I decided to grab the bull by the horns and ask him if he wants to meet Ewan at some point. He said "Yes!" 
I then asked Ewan. He said "No!" adding that he thought it would be "weird."
I wasn't happy with this, so I was a naughty girl and called his wife. I told her the situation and she said, "Pay no attention to him. Just tell me when and where and we will be there."
So, it's gonna be Sunday, the 6th. I want my two men to know, like and respect each other. I hope it goes well. I'm nervous, but excited also.
I then asked Ewan. He said "No!"
adding that he thought it would be "weird."I wasn't happy with this, so I was a naughty girl and called his wife. I told her the situation and she said, "Pay no attention to him. Just tell me when and where and we will be there."
So, it's gonna be Sunday, the 6th. I want my two men to know, like and respect each other. I hope it goes well. I'm nervous, but excited also.
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Arrowbound
New member
Sounds great! Sending good thoughts and positive vibes your way for when the time comes.
IndieSolo
Active member
Happy for you, Aurelie. It pays to be naughty sometimes. Ewan's wife sounds really cool!
And no, I wouldn't show Geoff this thread, either, if I were you. Besides the bluntness of your own words, some things were stated by other posters which were really off the mark, and you don't need to put certain kinds of negative images into his head, especially since those things don't really pertain to him or your situation. Just consider this the place you hashed it out.
And no, I wouldn't show Geoff this thread, either, if I were you. Besides the bluntness of your own words, some things were stated by other posters which were really off the mark, and you don't need to put certain kinds of negative images into his head, especially since those things don't really pertain to him or your situation. Just consider this the place you hashed it out.
While I agree them meeting is a great idea, I worry about the way you went about it.
Why did Ewan think it would be weird? Does he know you went "over his head" by talking to his wife and making plans after he said no?
Personally I would find that very disrespectful, but everyone's different. I would also go into the situation with a bad attitude, I'm sure, which would taint my view of anyone new I met in that situation.
Now if he just thought it would be a bit awkward at first and wasn't sincerely opposed, that's a different situation.
Why did Ewan think it would be weird? Does he know you went "over his head" by talking to his wife and making plans after he said no?
Personally I would find that very disrespectful, but everyone's different. I would also go into the situation with a bad attitude, I'm sure, which would taint my view of anyone new I met in that situation.
Now if he just thought it would be a bit awkward at first and wasn't sincerely opposed, that's a different situation.
Thanks Arrowbound, like I said, it's exciting and nervy, I'm sure it will go well though.
Thanks, NYCindie. Yes, she is cool. When I have doubts about this all working, I think of her. She makes it work for herself. She has never shown any jealousy or unhappiness or dislike for me. She has always been nice. The odd time I call her, it always sounds like she is pleased to hear from me. I think we could be good friends if we tried Maybe we should. Why not?
Let's get this dinner out of the way first, though.
Well, you would have to know him to know why it was fine for me to do it the way I did. I see what you mean, though.
I knew Geoff would be more the likely of the two to agree to this. He is a people person. He is always wanting to do new things, if and when he can. He's up for trying anything. This is why I have so much fun with him. He can make the most mundane activities fun, not just with me, but everyone, my son especially. He is always arranging things for us to do. Life is never boring with him.
Ewan is a moodier person. At times he can be hard work. Our two nights together are spent in bed, which I love. Sometimes though it's nice to do something else. It's not often that we do, but it is difficult to try and get him to even take me to dinner. It's like pulling teeth at times, so I have to put my foot down or he will never do anything but spend all our time having sex. In fairness to him, he does enjoy himself when we go out. He will initially say no to everything I suggest, though.
Yes, he knows. About an hour after I spoke to his wife, he sent me a text saying "Cheeky." So I knew my dom would punish me tonight. He did and it was awesome as always.
He still doesn't think it is such a great idea, but says if that's what his wife and I want, he will give it a go.
Well it seems that you were right, and I was wrong. He admitted that it turns him on sometimes, thinking about Ewan and me together. I have been gently trying to get him to talk about these feelings, and he does like it. In fact, he doesn't need much encouragement now. He likes talking about it. It really does rev his engine. lol
Geoff is now saying that it's not really the sex that bothers him. He says if that were the case, he would never have got together with me in the first place. Yes, he gets a bit jealous sometimes, but he says it's nothing that he can't handle.
It was the weekend away. He resented that, and the more time that passed, the worse that resentment got. He just needs to know that we as a couple, and the three of us as a family, come first, and that we need to respect each other's wishes. I won't lie. I knew that he didn't like it at the time. I did it anyway. I will not make that mistake again.
Soooooooooo, Ewan's big cock, yes, my bf likes me talking about it.
I'm amazed. I don't know why he likes it, but he really does. I don't understand men, I guess.I love him more than ever though. I do feel selfish sometimes, when I think about it, it is he that has the right to be upset, but I'm more upset than him, and he's the one that makes things okay. He's special.
Now, if Ewan's wife and I can just get them to like each other, I think we have it made.
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Thanks Brid. Yes, it's going well at the moment. And fingers crossed for Sunday.
Yes, it is interesting and a surprise to me. I think that it is a good thing, though. I don't mind if he likes it, and I am encouraging him with that side of sexuality. We are doing a lot of role play at the moment. Geoff likes being teased about my lover. Baby steps at the moment, though. I don't want to go too far and upset him.
Yes, it is interesting and a surprise to me. I think that it is a good thing, though. I don't mind if he likes it, and I am encouraging him with that side of sexuality. We are doing a lot of role play at the moment. Geoff likes being teased about my lover. Baby steps at the moment, though. I don't want to go too far and upset him.
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AnnabelMore
Active member
"We are doing a lot of role play at the moment. Geoff likes being teased about my lover." Wow, after all that, my DH was validated in the "maybe he'll get into the cuckold role" hypothesis. To clarify, this is not meant as a dig at you or Geoff in any way, but that is what a sexual interest in your female partner getting with a better-endowed man is called. I gotta admit I'm surprised. But that's pretty damn awesome.
I'm glad things are going well for you.
I'm glad things are going well for you.
I am not surprised. When it comes to a relationship where the woman is seeing another man for sex, and her own bf/husband is mono, there is a fine line between poly and cuckolding!
I have said from the start that in Aurelie's and Geoff's case, she is cuckolding him, and as I said before, there is nothing wrong with it, from her perspective or Geoff's. I know Aurelie does not like the "C word," but there is really no reason to have a problem with it.
Aurelie told us at the start that she is a very sexual person who needs sex every day. She got together with Geoff, a man that has a small penis and suffers from premature ejaculation. That is not a good start to a relationship for a woman who loves to have sex, is it? She says that when they first started being intimate, Geoff would have "oops moments." I take that to mean that he would ejaculate very quickly, and that he would be very embarrassed. What did she do? She hugged him and reassurred him, told him it was okay. She has taught him how to turn her on and he has responded and made the effort to please her. To me, it sounds like they have made the very best of a bad situation and it's great that they can manage, and to a certain extent overcome his sexual shortcomings, and share a very loving sexual relationship. As I've said before, it's clear from her posts how much she loves him.
I have said from the start that in Aurelie's and Geoff's case, she is cuckolding him, and as I said before, there is nothing wrong with it, from her perspective or Geoff's. I know Aurelie does not like the "C word," but there is really no reason to have a problem with it.
Aurelie told us at the start that she is a very sexual person who needs sex every day. She got together with Geoff, a man that has a small penis and suffers from premature ejaculation. That is not a good start to a relationship for a woman who loves to have sex, is it? She says that when they first started being intimate, Geoff would have "oops moments." I take that to mean that he would ejaculate very quickly, and that he would be very embarrassed. What did she do? She hugged him and reassurred him, told him it was okay. She has taught him how to turn her on and he has responded and made the effort to please her. To me, it sounds like they have made the very best of a bad situation and it's great that they can manage, and to a certain extent overcome his sexual shortcomings, and share a very loving sexual relationship. As I've said before, it's clear from her posts how much she loves him.
However, the fact remains that she needs Ewan to satisfy her sexual needs. In her own words, she has told us that Geoff cannot, and will never be able to satisfy her like Ewan can. I assume that this is because of Geoff's sexual problems and Ewan's superior size and staying power, combined with his dominant personality?*
She has also told us that she likes to be tied up and given anal sex when she is with Ewan, and that Geoff waits at home to give her a cuddle when she gets back. To me, that is a cuckold. Once again, Aurelie, there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, I think it is so sweet, and shows how strong your relationship with Geoff is.
I have learnt the hard way that being honest and respectful to your partner is the most important thing in a relationship. Not being so nearly cost me my marriage. On the other hand, you have been honest and up front with Geoff from the beginning. This says a lot about you, it does you credit. I advised you to be honest with him about how he compares with Ewan sexually. You have been, and I'm glad that Geoff has responded well. He wanted to know, and now he does. You have told him that Ewan is superior in bed. Geoff can now accept it, and come to terms with it. From your recent posts it sounds like it turns him on. This falls in line with him being a cuckold, and it should be great for your relationship. It is a good thing.
You say Geoff is special. By your posts, he sure sounds like it. Make sure you tell him. Make sure he knows you feel this way.
Do not be disrespectful to him and your son again by going on a weekend break with Ewan when he asked you not to. It's not right. It hurts his pride!
You say you love Geoff more, but you also love Ewan and he loves you. Maybe he does. Do you think that he loves you anywhere near as much as your Geoff does though? Who takes care of you? Geoff spoils you and your boy. You live with him, and he loves your SON and wants to be his father. Do you think Ewan would do all that?
You once wanted Ewan to yourself, and he turned you down. Don't forget that. I truly hope you are being truthful when you say that you would never leave Geoff if Ewan ever changed his mind. If you are not, then end your relationship with Geoff now. He deserves your love far more than Ewan does. Your lover may be the superior man in bed, but he sure sounds like the inferior man in every other way.
I'm touched by your posts because your situation mirrors my own in a few ways, albeit from a few years back. It's great that you ask for advice. You seem to be doing the right thing so far. I hope you keep it up. Going by your posts, I like you and Geoff a lot; Ewan not so much.
Take it easy with the cuckold thing. If Geoff likes being teased about the size of his dick, then great, as you said though, baby steps at first, see how comfortable he is with being cuckolded, and then take it as far as you can, always make it sexy for him. The more he is turned on by the thought of you having sex with another man who is better in bed then him, the better the chance that you can keep your relationship with your lover.
She has also told us that she likes to be tied up and given anal sex when she is with Ewan, and that Geoff waits at home to give her a cuddle when she gets back. To me, that is a cuckold. Once again, Aurelie, there is nothing wrong with it. In fact, I think it is so sweet, and shows how strong your relationship with Geoff is.
I have learnt the hard way that being honest and respectful to your partner is the most important thing in a relationship. Not being so nearly cost me my marriage. On the other hand, you have been honest and up front with Geoff from the beginning. This says a lot about you, it does you credit. I advised you to be honest with him about how he compares with Ewan sexually. You have been, and I'm glad that Geoff has responded well. He wanted to know, and now he does. You have told him that Ewan is superior in bed. Geoff can now accept it, and come to terms with it. From your recent posts it sounds like it turns him on. This falls in line with him being a cuckold, and it should be great for your relationship. It is a good thing.
You say Geoff is special. By your posts, he sure sounds like it. Make sure you tell him. Make sure he knows you feel this way.
Do not be disrespectful to him and your son again by going on a weekend break with Ewan when he asked you not to. It's not right. It hurts his pride!
You say you love Geoff more, but you also love Ewan and he loves you. Maybe he does. Do you think that he loves you anywhere near as much as your Geoff does though? Who takes care of you? Geoff spoils you and your boy. You live with him, and he loves your SON and wants to be his father. Do you think Ewan would do all that?
You once wanted Ewan to yourself, and he turned you down. Don't forget that. I truly hope you are being truthful when you say that you would never leave Geoff if Ewan ever changed his mind. If you are not, then end your relationship with Geoff now. He deserves your love far more than Ewan does. Your lover may be the superior man in bed, but he sure sounds like the inferior man in every other way.
I'm touched by your posts because your situation mirrors my own in a few ways, albeit from a few years back. It's great that you ask for advice. You seem to be doing the right thing so far. I hope you keep it up. Going by your posts, I like you and Geoff a lot; Ewan not so much.
Take it easy with the cuckold thing. If Geoff likes being teased about the size of his dick, then great, as you said though, baby steps at first, see how comfortable he is with being cuckolded, and then take it as far as you can, always make it sexy for him. The more he is turned on by the thought of you having sex with another man who is better in bed then him, the better the chance that you can keep your relationship with your lover.
IndieSolo
Active member
Geez, Brid, talk about putting your own spin on things! There is a huge gap between polyamory and cuckolding. It's not a fine line. It's so weird the way you make that pronouncement that she's "a woman who needs another man for sex" and that her bf is unsatisfactory. That is NOT what Aurelie has said at all. She is not unsatisfied with the sex she has with her bf, and isn't cuckolding him simply because he's talking with her about some aspect of her love life with the other man being a turn-on.
She did not say Geoff has a small dick. She said he has an average one. It's just that Ewan is huge in comparison. She did not say that he had ED issues, just that he doesn't last as long as her lover does. She did not say her bf is unskilled or lousy in bed. She says he is imaginative, gentle, and tender. She has never had any problems with the way her bf makes love; it's just that she has a wide range of things she likes and Ewan was more inclined to give her the more aggressive, rough stuff. She isn't with her lover because of anything inadequate about her bf and has said she would end it with Ewan in a heartbeat if Geoff wanted that.
I don't even know why you feel it necessary to post and admonish her to be respectful of Geoff. She IS being respectful. Every time she posts about coming to some sort of resolved, comfortable place where they are all talking and moving forward, you stir up the pot and hammer her with crap like telling her to go easy on cuckolding -- when it is you who is saying she is doing that, not her! -- and in a way that makes it sound like you think she doesn't know what she's doing.
Aurelie has come back and shared, and it is obvious she is compassionate, considerate, and caring in her relationships, and strives to communicate well with both her men. Are you sure you are not projecting some of your own shit onto her? You have only posted to this thread and no others. What is your problem with Aurelie?
She did not say Geoff has a small dick. She said he has an average one. It's just that Ewan is huge in comparison. She did not say that he had ED issues, just that he doesn't last as long as her lover does. She did not say her bf is unskilled or lousy in bed. She says he is imaginative, gentle, and tender. She has never had any problems with the way her bf makes love; it's just that she has a wide range of things she likes and Ewan was more inclined to give her the more aggressive, rough stuff. She isn't with her lover because of anything inadequate about her bf and has said she would end it with Ewan in a heartbeat if Geoff wanted that.
I don't even know why you feel it necessary to post and admonish her to be respectful of Geoff. She IS being respectful. Every time she posts about coming to some sort of resolved, comfortable place where they are all talking and moving forward, you stir up the pot and hammer her with crap like telling her to go easy on cuckolding -- when it is you who is saying she is doing that, not her! -- and in a way that makes it sound like you think she doesn't know what she's doing.
Aurelie has come back and shared, and it is obvious she is compassionate, considerate, and caring in her relationships, and strives to communicate well with both her men. Are you sure you are not projecting some of your own shit onto her? You have only posted to this thread and no others. What is your problem with Aurelie?
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NYCindie, I haven't got time to reply to your post in detail, as it's early here, and I have to go to work. I hope to get the time later though. What I do want to say is that I have no problems with Aurelie whatsoever. The opposite is true and if you read the post you will realise what I have said is quoting Aurelie herself. Going by her posts, I think that she is a lovely girl.
As I said in my last post, I like both Aurelie and Geoff very much, and have nothing but respect and admiration for the way she is trying to make things right for the the two men and one little man in her life. She is asking for advice and that's good. But as I said, she seems to be doing all the right things at the moment, so why you say that I think she doesn't know what she's doing I don't know. I think she is doing great, much better than I did.
Her thread has caught my eye because her circumstances are very similar in lots of ways to my own from a few years back. I'm touched by her posts. I do not usually participate in forums, but because of the above, I have decided to post in hers. I have my fingers and toes crossed for
her. I'm hoping my advice can help her avoid the same mistakes that I made.
In one of your own posts you suggested that Geoff may get a kick out of cuckolding as a fetish. It seems you may have been right. I may be wrong. Again, I like her and what she has to say a great deal.
As I said in my last post, I like both Aurelie and Geoff very much, and have nothing but respect and admiration for the way she is trying to make things right for the the two men and one little man in her life. She is asking for advice and that's good. But as I said, she seems to be doing all the right things at the moment, so why you say that I think she doesn't know what she's doing I don't know. I think she is doing great, much better than I did.
Her thread has caught my eye because her circumstances are very similar in lots of ways to my own from a few years back. I'm touched by her posts. I do not usually participate in forums, but because of the above, I have decided to post in hers. I have my fingers and toes crossed for
her. I'm hoping my advice can help her avoid the same mistakes that I made.
In one of your own posts you suggested that Geoff may get a kick out of cuckolding as a fetish. It seems you may have been right. I may be wrong. Again, I like her and what she has to say a great deal.
IndieSolo
Active member
Yes, you are wrong and misread my words. I was only responding to the course of conversation, where you kept saying to Aurelie "You are cuckolding him; you should continue to do it; nothing wrong with that, Geoff isn't man enough for the task," etc. (!) which was really off. Here is my response to that part of the conversation. Please note the parts I bolded:
Brid75, it sounds like you are really into cuckolding, yourself. But their situation seems to have improved greatly, anyway, so why keep hammering away at her?
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AnnabelMore
Active member
Yikes! As I hit post, I thought to myself that bringing up the "c" word again would probably just cause some kind of trouble.
There is a very important distinction to be made here. To say that Auralie is cuckolding Geoff is just plain wrong. The definition of cuckolding is being unfaithful, which had nothing to do with ethical poly, which the OP is practicing. The connotations of cuckolding in the modern , fetish-y way it's used are that the female partner is purposefully humiliating her male partner, emasculating him. Again, nothing could be further from the truth of Auralie's actions towards Geoff. I got really offended at some of the presumptions that were thrown around earlier that implied her behavior was inherently hurtful or that she'd put him in a bad position. She's been respectful, caring, honest, supportive, and loving -- not cuckolding in the least.
However, there is the reality and then there is the fantasy. While I disagree with much of what dingedheart said earlier in the thread, he also said "He may embrace the cuckold/turned-on/hot wife thing". And the fact that they are now doing roleplay and Geoff is getting off on being teased about Ewan (a very common mild intro to kinky cuckolding play) leads me to the inescapable conclusion that dinged was right on that score! I'm surprised, Auralie is surprised, Geoff may well be surprised, but at least one person did predict it and I felt it only fair to point that out.
The thing is, it's not real. To say "she is cuckolding him" is like saying of a couple who enjoys consensual non-consent (in other words pretend "rape" where the person being "raped" in fact loves the idea and could call it off at any time), "he is raping her". Putting it like that makes it seem like something abusive and wrong and unwanted is happening. Rather, in that situation you would say "they are enjoying the fantasy of rape". And in this situation, at least to some minor degree that may or may not go any further, the Aura and Ewan are enjoying the fantasy of cuckolding. They are *playing* and if that's not explicitly acknowledged in the way people talk about it, it paints entirely the wrong picture.
I completely disagree. It's what you make of it. Would it not be cuckolding if Aura weren't doing anal with Ewan? Would it not be cuckolding if Geoff wasn't sweet to her after she gets home, because he loves her? What makes this cuckolding? Nothing. I mean, maybe you're not trying to do this, maybe it's just a poor wording choice, or me misreading, but all I can think when I read this is what the heck is up with throwing this label on Geoff, which he may or may not ever choose to embrace for purposes of roleplay, as if it's some essential thing about him, just because certain elements of their situation outwardly resemble a trope?
This situation, at its core, is just a matter of a woman with two lovers who loves sex, and to insist that that must be emasculating to the one who's gentler comes off, ironically, since I'm sure you don't mean it that way, as anti-sex and anti-gender-equality and anti-poly. If they choose to embrace the potential to read that into the dynamic as a form of roleplay, awesome. But don't confuse play with reality.
The difference is that in the fantasy, the partner playing the role of the "cuckold" has no choice in what's happening and doesn't like it, when in fact Geoff could call off this form of play at any time. The difference is that in the fantasy, the partner playing the role of the one doing the cuckolding likes to see her partner squirm and doesn't respect him, when nothing could be further from Aura's reality outside, perhaps, the bounds of this new roleplaying they're doing. The difference is that there is not in fact anything inherently humiliating or emasculating about having rough sex with one guy and coming home to another. Otherwise, there'd be a lot more poly men calling themselves cuckolds.
There is a very important distinction to be made here. To say that Auralie is cuckolding Geoff is just plain wrong. The definition of cuckolding is being unfaithful, which had nothing to do with ethical poly, which the OP is practicing. The connotations of cuckolding in the modern , fetish-y way it's used are that the female partner is purposefully humiliating her male partner, emasculating him. Again, nothing could be further from the truth of Auralie's actions towards Geoff. I got really offended at some of the presumptions that were thrown around earlier that implied her behavior was inherently hurtful or that she'd put him in a bad position. She's been respectful, caring, honest, supportive, and loving -- not cuckolding in the least.
However, there is the reality and then there is the fantasy. While I disagree with much of what dingedheart said earlier in the thread, he also said "He may embrace the cuckold/turned-on/hot wife thing". And the fact that they are now doing roleplay and Geoff is getting off on being teased about Ewan (a very common mild intro to kinky cuckolding play) leads me to the inescapable conclusion that dinged was right on that score! I'm surprised, Auralie is surprised, Geoff may well be surprised, but at least one person did predict it and I felt it only fair to point that out.
The thing is, it's not real. To say "she is cuckolding him" is like saying of a couple who enjoys consensual non-consent (in other words pretend "rape" where the person being "raped" in fact loves the idea and could call it off at any time), "he is raping her". Putting it like that makes it seem like something abusive and wrong and unwanted is happening. Rather, in that situation you would say "they are enjoying the fantasy of rape". And in this situation, at least to some minor degree that may or may not go any further, the Aura and Ewan are enjoying the fantasy of cuckolding. They are *playing* and if that's not explicitly acknowledged in the way people talk about it, it paints entirely the wrong picture.
I completely disagree. It's what you make of it. Would it not be cuckolding if Aura weren't doing anal with Ewan? Would it not be cuckolding if Geoff wasn't sweet to her after she gets home, because he loves her? What makes this cuckolding? Nothing. I mean, maybe you're not trying to do this, maybe it's just a poor wording choice, or me misreading, but all I can think when I read this is what the heck is up with throwing this label on Geoff, which he may or may not ever choose to embrace for purposes of roleplay, as if it's some essential thing about him, just because certain elements of their situation outwardly resemble a trope?
This situation, at its core, is just a matter of a woman with two lovers who loves sex, and to insist that that must be emasculating to the one who's gentler comes off, ironically, since I'm sure you don't mean it that way, as anti-sex and anti-gender-equality and anti-poly. If they choose to embrace the potential to read that into the dynamic as a form of roleplay, awesome. But don't confuse play with reality.
The difference is that in the fantasy, the partner playing the role of the "cuckold" has no choice in what's happening and doesn't like it, when in fact Geoff could call off this form of play at any time. The difference is that in the fantasy, the partner playing the role of the one doing the cuckolding likes to see her partner squirm and doesn't respect him, when nothing could be further from Aura's reality outside, perhaps, the bounds of this new roleplaying they're doing. The difference is that there is not in fact anything inherently humiliating or emasculating about having rough sex with one guy and coming home to another. Otherwise, there'd be a lot more poly men calling themselves cuckolds.
AnnabelMore
Active member
Can you tell this issue, of not acknowledging the line between fantasy and reality in kink, really gets me upset?
I wanted to expand on my comment above that I find it anti-gender-equality to say that a man who's ok with his wife having rough sex with someone else and then coming home to him "is" a cuckold. A cuckold, again, in popular understanding, is a man whose female partner is unfaithful to him and who then humiliates him by rubbing it in his face.
The main thing that hampers gender equality is the idea that there are certain things each gender inherently is or should be. Women are weak, soft, small, submissive. Men are strong, hard, big, dominant. Screw that, we are each what we choose to be. The cuckolding fantasy -- that a man who either "allows" or who "can't stop" "his" woman from being with a stronger, harder, bigger, more dominant man is therefore less of a man in comparison, is humiliated, emasculated -- can ONLY exist in the context of these gender tropes. In reality, the size of his penis or how hard he fucks does NOT make a man more or less of a man (that's the assumption that's anti-gender-equality), nor does letting his partner freely express her sexuality with another somehow make him someone who is powerless or impotent (that's the assumption that's anti-sex and anti-poly).
To *pretend* that any of these things are true because they can have an incredible erotic edge to them to people raised in a society steeped in these tropes is fine as long as everyone understands what's going on, has given consent, and understands that they're free to step out of the fantasy at any time. That's the paradox and the beauty of kink, you get to take what can be some really "wrong" urges and safely explore them for fun and profit (by profit I mean orgasms).
If we fail to acknowledge the line ("I call myself my partner's slave, but I'm actually free to leave any time", "I pretend to rape my partner but I would never actually do anything he didn't want me to do", "I savor the role of cuckold because it turns me on but I know there's nothing actually humiliating about being exactly who I am") we not only give others a VERY bad impression of what's going on, we also run the risk of damaging ourselves and/or our partners by losing sight of the "sane and consensual" parts of "safe, sane and consensual" kinky play.
Sorry for threadjacking, OP!
I wanted to expand on my comment above that I find it anti-gender-equality to say that a man who's ok with his wife having rough sex with someone else and then coming home to him "is" a cuckold. A cuckold, again, in popular understanding, is a man whose female partner is unfaithful to him and who then humiliates him by rubbing it in his face.
The main thing that hampers gender equality is the idea that there are certain things each gender inherently is or should be. Women are weak, soft, small, submissive. Men are strong, hard, big, dominant. Screw that, we are each what we choose to be. The cuckolding fantasy -- that a man who either "allows" or who "can't stop" "his" woman from being with a stronger, harder, bigger, more dominant man is therefore less of a man in comparison, is humiliated, emasculated -- can ONLY exist in the context of these gender tropes. In reality, the size of his penis or how hard he fucks does NOT make a man more or less of a man (that's the assumption that's anti-gender-equality), nor does letting his partner freely express her sexuality with another somehow make him someone who is powerless or impotent (that's the assumption that's anti-sex and anti-poly).
To *pretend* that any of these things are true because they can have an incredible erotic edge to them to people raised in a society steeped in these tropes is fine as long as everyone understands what's going on, has given consent, and understands that they're free to step out of the fantasy at any time. That's the paradox and the beauty of kink, you get to take what can be some really "wrong" urges and safely explore them for fun and profit (by profit I mean orgasms).
If we fail to acknowledge the line ("I call myself my partner's slave, but I'm actually free to leave any time", "I pretend to rape my partner but I would never actually do anything he didn't want me to do", "I savor the role of cuckold because it turns me on but I know there's nothing actually humiliating about being exactly who I am") we not only give others a VERY bad impression of what's going on, we also run the risk of damaging ourselves and/or our partners by losing sight of the "sane and consensual" parts of "safe, sane and consensual" kinky play.
Sorry for threadjacking, OP!
niceinjeans
New member
Hear, hear! Soapbox or not, I whole-heartedly agree.