InfinitePossibility
New member
Thankk you InfinitePossibility for your reply.
It would however seem to be cruel if I ended up pouring my life into this man (and our family) without the reciprocation or effort on his part only to be spewed out when given it my all.
I very much agree with you. Just now it sounds like you don't have a good deal. You get to work, run the household, do most of the childcare while your fiance works and has a life outside of your home and family (one that poses a direct risk to your health if you are correct about his attitude toward safer sex).
In your shoes I would be questioning my willingness to continue in a relationship unbalanced enough that I was giving my all while the other person was cruising along, not really pulling their weight. That would be without the deceptive and damaging behaviour that you are also dealing with.
Even now you are trying your best to hold things together. You are here, reading and researching. Talking to people. Getting book recommendations. Is your fiance putting in similar efforts? Or is this another part of the same pattern - you giving your all while your fiance doesn't?
Maybe part of rebuilding of trust between you should involve your fiance taking on more child and home care responsibilities so that you can spend some time away from home doing things that interest you. Even if you never want to have an additional romantic relationship, spending time with good friends and/or doing things that interest you might be useful to you.
I would think that using condoms with your fiance until you can both be tested is a very good idea. Especially if you think that he may have engaged in behaviour that puts you at risk and may not be able to be honest about it.
Good luck with all of it.
IP