As some of you are aware, I very recently began my first poly relationship. I didn't enter it lightly, for numerous reasons, some being:
1. I only broke up with my wife in December and didn't want it to be a rebound relationship.
2. I didn't actually know much about being poly
3. I felt like I was causing my partner to be unfaithful to his wife.
Yes I know poly is NOT cheating, if of course it is all open and honest which our relationship is, and his marriage is.
I assume others would have gone through similar thought processes and feelings too?
Guilt was present. I felt guilty for wanting my partners love and time at first, as that meant he had less time with his wife and kids, so in turn made me feel I WANTED him to spend less time with them.
I read so many websites of information, and lurked on many forums, before realising I was actually poly all along but had just never realised what it was called. I had always thought for the right person I could be in an open relationship provided they 'came back to me at the end of the day' (so to speak.)
So realising there was actually a name for what I wanted was a revelation.
It was hard processing thoughts at times, things such as can I really share someone I love? The answer of course is yes I feel I can. I have no doubt there will be at least some feelings of envy if my partner does feel he would like another partner. Part of that process will be talking to him about how we will deal with it.
For some time I felt as if the information I searched for, to answer one question in my mind, just raised three more questions. But now I feel I have things well sorted in my mind.
I had nobody other than my partner to talk to about it all, luckily he was very patient and understanding. Rather than tell me things he would tell me where to find the information that would help me reach my own decisions. He himself has been poly less than 2 years so we are finding some things are new to us both.
It is a very liberating feeling to finally realise what I am, to know what I felt was not wrong, and to put a name to it.
I just thought maybe this may help someone else going through this sort of processing, maybe it wont and I am just boring everyone!
1. I only broke up with my wife in December and didn't want it to be a rebound relationship.
2. I didn't actually know much about being poly
3. I felt like I was causing my partner to be unfaithful to his wife.
Yes I know poly is NOT cheating, if of course it is all open and honest which our relationship is, and his marriage is.
I assume others would have gone through similar thought processes and feelings too?
Guilt was present. I felt guilty for wanting my partners love and time at first, as that meant he had less time with his wife and kids, so in turn made me feel I WANTED him to spend less time with them.
I read so many websites of information, and lurked on many forums, before realising I was actually poly all along but had just never realised what it was called. I had always thought for the right person I could be in an open relationship provided they 'came back to me at the end of the day' (so to speak.)
So realising there was actually a name for what I wanted was a revelation.
It was hard processing thoughts at times, things such as can I really share someone I love? The answer of course is yes I feel I can. I have no doubt there will be at least some feelings of envy if my partner does feel he would like another partner. Part of that process will be talking to him about how we will deal with it.
For some time I felt as if the information I searched for, to answer one question in my mind, just raised three more questions. But now I feel I have things well sorted in my mind.
I had nobody other than my partner to talk to about it all, luckily he was very patient and understanding. Rather than tell me things he would tell me where to find the information that would help me reach my own decisions. He himself has been poly less than 2 years so we are finding some things are new to us both.
It is a very liberating feeling to finally realise what I am, to know what I felt was not wrong, and to put a name to it.
I just thought maybe this may help someone else going through this sort of processing, maybe it wont and I am just boring everyone!
