My head hasn't exploded yet.


New member
I'm reading Robert Wright's Why Buddhism is True and he talks about an olden-days monk who advises something along the lines of "trying to attain enlightenment by rational thought will make your head explode". This has come to mind a lot in the last few weeks trying to psychologically accommodate potentials and pitfalls as my partner and I go forward with each other (and others, I must sometimes remind myself) in polyamory or Ethical Non-Monogamy or a respectful open relationship or whatever we wind up calling it. I say, "I must sometimes remind myself" because we have just experienced (and are experiencing and want to continue to experience) the most wonderful and until recently unimaginable re-alignment, rejuvenation, rehabilitation, whatever you want to call it . . . of our love for one another.
We have decided to see a ENM couples therapist. We have also decided that our sex life is going to resume pretty soon, and we're both pretty excited about it. But you know, there's still a lot of stuff out there . . . "defining our relationship socially" is pretty big at least to me. Being "ahead" and "behind" each other in different aspects of the thing . . . for example, she has fucked someone else, who was an old friend and has been active in ENM for many years. That's what precipitated this whole thing. So she's ahead of me there. But she's behind me too, because I have had to process that reality, that horror , honestly, that conspiracy of nature and nurture that makes jealousy such a powerful force. I doubt if she will be as torn up as I was when I get there with someone else, but I don't think it will be an entirely pleasant day for her when it happens. The prospect of which actually (and perversely, and humanly) makes me feel kind of good.

But weirdly or not enough, I'm actually really glad she crossed the threshold with someone who could show her THIS way of navigating what we both agree is a more natural sexuality. The dude seems like a really nice guy, and he has been supportive of her., including being non judgemental and compassionate concerning the unexpected turn our relationship has taken. To a point, anyway. But anyway, my best self is even capable of seeing him as a mentor, as she does. So onward . . . gotta go out make some dough. I appreciate having this forum to discuss this shit. My head hasn't exploded yet.