My tendency to over-think things....

One week until the big move! We're taking a train out there, so once again, I'm having to face giving up my dog. Only it's for real this time. Fiona has only actually acknowledged us moving once when she said she is going to miss me. She admits that she will never even attempt to plan a visit because she'd rather go visit her family. I told her I quite honestly only plan to come back to Indiana every other year or so, because we use our vacation for US not for OTHERS.

I never got to go on many vacations as a kid because of my mom's health issues, and money was always tight, so Keith and I make it a point to do new things one our vacations. I also know that my family will make the effort to come see me and that I have Skype and various other means of communication for when we don't get to actually physically be together.

This move will not only signify the end of any type of relationship Fiona and I had, but will also pretty much end the friendship. If neither of them can take 2 seconds out of their day to call/text/facebook even in response to my messages, I don't see any sort of contact lasting once we don't see each other weekly.

On the positive side... I found an apartment complex I think we will really like and we are starting the application process in advance. I looked up reviews, crime info, and all that jazz and it seems like a good area. As long as we like it during the walk through when we get there, they will have an apartment ready for us the day or the day after we arrive! I also already got invited to attend a wine tasting event with a women's only group, which is exciting.

I'm terrified and thrilled at the same time. In one week, my life will be completely different.
 
nycindie said:
I thought you were able to keep your doggie! Can't you look for a pet-friendly apartment and bring the dog?
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The apartment I love actually IS pet friendly, but we are taking a train out there (it costs about half as much as the gas to drive) and no pets are allowed on the train for a trip that long.

Our neighbors actually LOVE her, so I think she will be moving next door. Part of me thinks that's great because it won't be a completely new area, but then again since it is right next door to where we live(d), she may just keep expecting us to come back all the time.

Financially, the train is our best option. We also are terrible on long trips - getting lost, arguing, etc, so it is probably better for us in general, too. The only downside is having to find the dog a new home. His parents refuse to take her (they took our other dog who has anxiety issues), and nobody in my family can have her for allergy reasons. :(

The people that plan on visiting us the soonest are also taking a train, so having her stay somewhere for a few weeks and then coming with someone else isn't an option either.

The only other option would be seeing if his parents would keep her for a while until we get settled and then ship her to us. That would cost a couple of hundred dollars, though, and I just feel like that would be really stressful for her.
 
Oooh, if I were you, I'd look into crowdsourcing to raise funds to send her to the new place. You can have your neighbors watch her for a while, then use indiegogo.com (or similar platforms) to start a fundraising campaign, and post your need to animal groups. You'd likely get enough donations to cover a few hundred dollars for a safe and comfortable way to send her, either as cargo or with someone. Happy to brainstorm with you if you want to PM me about it.
 
Every time I look at train tickets, I find that flying is nearly the same price, especially when I consider the time it takes to get someplace :rolleyes:. You may even want to check on options of flying the dog out, while you take the train. Good Luck!

This is an awesome place for pets. I know it's in Utah, but they may have some options for you. http://www.bestfriends.org/index.htm
 
Thanks, nycindie! I'm thinking we can probably get his parents to help us out and get the dog out there, as long as Keith goes along with this plan. He's never been a big fan of my dog, and as bad as he felt for me having to give her up, he was kind of looking forward to being pet-free once we get out there so that we wouldn't have to worry about pet sitters or boarding her when we want to go on trips.

SNeacail - Plane tickets are about the same price, but the train tickets include 3 pieces of checked luggage per person and the airlines charge per bag on top of ticket prices. We've also always wanted to take a train trip so it kind of kills two birds with one stone!
 
Or you can post an ad over at this site and have people bid on bringing poochie out to you, if that's what you choose.

Giving up a dog is a horrible decision to have to make. I did it two years ago when I took a job with long hours in a city. I left my dog with my parents knowing that my father would fall in love with her and, thus, it has come to pass. I tell everyone that she's retired alongside my parents, and he told me she's better than any grandkid I could have given them. So...that's a bonus in my book!

Also, I like your choice of the train. Likely, you'll arrive a bit more relaxed and having seen some really neat parts of the country.
 
Pretzels said:
I left my dog with my parents knowing that my father would fall in love with her and, thus, it has come to pass. I tell everyone that she's retired alongside my parents, and he told me she's better than any grandkid I could have given them. So...that's a bonus in my book!
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THAT I would be 100% okay with, no real grief caused. Keith's dog is living with his parents now, which she loves and makes us feel better since we KNOW she's okay. They just couldn't make themselves take two, which is understandable but frustrating.

I know our neighbors are amazing people, and that she will be spoiled rotten, taken on walks every day, will still get to cuddle up and take naps with the kids, and all of that good stuff. It's just letting go of MY reliance on her for comfort and company that is the hard part. I'm pretty sure that I will worry less in the short term if I'm not trying to figure out how we're getting her there, if she's going to make the trip alright (she is part pug and boston terrier so she already has the noisy breathing, and apparently that makes flying harder on them), and whether or not adjusting to a new place then being shipped then adjusting to a really new place will affect her. I'll miss her, but I think I will just try to let her go.

Pretzels said:
Also, I like your choice of the train. Likely, you'll arrive a bit more relaxed and having seen some really neat parts of the country.
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That's the goal! :)
 
I had a sex dream about Mario!! lol Kinda freaked me out. I mean, it's not really all that surprising since he and Fiona have both made appearances in my dreams before, but usually in the context of group sex where Keith is present or just random everyday events... This time ,though, it was just me and Mario.

He made me orgasm from coitus for the first time ever -after about a year of having a swinging friendship with them - just a few weeks ago, and we haven't had any sexual contact since then. Apparently I really enjoyed it since I relived it last night.

Oddly enough, I've never had a dream about just Fiona and me. In any context. Maybe that should have been a sign early on...

Keith thought it was hilarious. I think it was just plain weird.
 
I agree with Keith, but my mono hubby has had a number of dreams lately involving me, him, TGIB, TGIB's (hypothetical) gf, and another couple, and I think THEY'RE hilarious so I suppose I could be biased! :D
 
ThatGirlInGray said:
I agree with Keith, but my mono hubby has had a number of dreams lately involving me, him, TGIB, TGIB's (hypothetical) gf, and another couple, and I think THEY'RE hilarious so I suppose I could be biased! :D
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Well, thanks. :p Apparently odd dreams are in the air, right now... lol How does Mono feel about your reaction to his dreams? I must say that I love that there is a hypothetical girlfriend for TGIB and another couple in the dream.. That's pretty complex! :D
 
He says, "It's fine. You think they're hilarious, not ridiculous. You also hope they're prophetic!" (which is true!)

And, also, I think it's important to note that he might think they're weird dreams himself, but he's not bothered by them or my reaction would be quite different. Sorry, I didn't mean to make light of your reaction to your own dreams, if it came off that way!
 
Eh.. I just found it odd. If other people find humor in it, then I'm glad to bring a little more joy to the world. lol
 
Stress stinks... Keith tried to get off work on Friday to help me finish stuff up around here before his family comes to help us load up on Saturday, but they're understaffed so he couldn't get it off. :( I also have stomach ulcers which have decided to flare. Honestly, I'm thankful that it's taken them this long!

I'm getting more nervous about meeting people once the move is done... Keith will be working nights, so our time together with be rather limited and I'm often more shy alone than I am with a friend. I did get invited to a women's wine tasting group dealio, though, so I'm excited for that since I RSVP'd in the heat of the moment and didn't have time to second guess myself. :D

Keith and I have also decided to go vegetarian again. We've done it before, but then my parents gave us half a cow (they raised it on the farm and butchered it) so we stopped. We obviously have no ethical reasons for vegetarianism, we just kind of like it. I generally feel better and more energetic when I eat alternative forms of protein instead of meat so I suppose that is reason enough!

Tomorrow is my last "alone time" with Fiona before the move (I put it in quotes because there really won't be much alone time between having her kid around before bedtime and then Mario getting home). Our relationship has already mostly shifted back to the friend zone with minimal physical contact and no real conversation. Since she never plans on making any attempt at all to visit in Oregon and when Keith and I come back to Indiana we'll be busy with family, I doubt we'll ever really see each other again except perhaps in a group setting if she and Mario continue hanging out with my sister and her husband. Woohoo for anticlimactic endings to relationships!! lol I can't complain. At least there's been no awkward falling out or a pretense that we could keep a LDR going.
 
24 hours until I have to be out of our apartment.... I'm afraid some stuff is going to end up just thrown into the back of Keith's parents' truck to get it out of here... lol Oh, well. As long as the stuff we want to take to Oregon with us is separate from what we're getting rid of, good enough!

Last night was terrible. I spent a majority of the time being ignored while Fiona gave into every whim of her 2 year old.

I've almost convinced Keith to upgrade to a roomette on the train ride so that I won't go crazy from lack of privacy/space. I think it'll be a much easier trip if we can choose when we want to be around others (by going to the dining car or something) and when we want to be alone (by staying in our roomette). I get a little claustrophobic now and then in large groups so I really think it'll make me more comfortable.

I've also been talking to a guy from Portland already on OKCupid... I don't know that he's a romantic possibility, but he could become a good friend, which will be desperately needed in a new city. He is also married, and his wife sent me a quick message the other day although she apparently does not spend much time online. She also seems very nice and told me about a couple of groups she knows of that get together fairly regularly which was awesome of her.

:D
 
Oregon!!

Well, we made it. The train trip was lovely. My only regret is that i failed to exchange contact info with this awesome couple we met on board. They were from minnesota and both men were in their 40s, so i suppose the long term friendship potential was probably low, but we all enjoyed our lunch, dinner, and wine tasting that we sat together for immensely.

Oregon seems great. I'm excited to figure out my transportation deal so that I can get out and about without worrying about when keith will need the truck to get to work. People seem friendly, and we are planning to start attending a nearby uuchurch, so hopefully friends will come quickly!

I've only talked to mario/fiona a couple of times since leaving indy and always by text, no actual phone calls. It pretty much fizzled as soon as i left, as expected. I did find myself missing the sensation of lying down, my head on fiona's lap while she played with my hair, which kind of surprised me. Whether it is the person or just the closeness in general that i long for, I'm not sure.

Is pursuing another relationship something i want?
Is it possible to find a woman that I could see myself being with long term?
How do i go from living fairly closeted to being open (with myself and others) that yes, i am bi/pansexual, open to casual sex, AND very interested in the possibility of falling in love with another?

Sometimes i don't even know who i am anymore, and now is the time to figure it all out.
 
Virtually met a man... Meaning we've only exchanged emails (he found me on another forum). He's married, not poly but interested in theory but probably not practice, his wife knows we're talking. I'm fairly certain it won't lead anywhere romantic, but we have a lovely, flirty chit chat going on about everything from him questioning me about my relationship history (swinging, open relationship, poly - all intriguing :) ) to work rants to random events going on in the city. He's significantly older than I am (15 years-ish). We've been talking off and on for a few days, and he has dropped hints that he'd like to meet for coffee sometime soon.

I miss having someone who contacts me at random just to see how I'm doing and what's up so this cyber-friendship is lovely so far.

Keith and I are also going to the local poly meetup tonight! We'll only get to stay for about an hour since he works nights, but at least we can go. If it seems like a good group of people, I'm sure we'll devise a system that lets me stay longer even if he has to leave early. :D It's a good day.
 
Keith and I went to the poly meetup... It was us and 5 other people, all who had kids our age. ha.. It was only slightly awkward since we are fairly new to the idea of polyamory AND neither of us are in any other sort of relationship at the moment, they felt it okay to sit there and lecture us for much of the hour that we were there. They were all very nice, and when they WEREN'T going off on some Pagan or Poly tangent, we had very good conversation, but unless I see the RSVP list expanding a bit, we won't be returning.

One of the ladies and I did have a good time talking about all the crazy reality shows - 19 kids, Sister Wives, Jon and Kate.. It was nice to just chat with people.

When asked how we "discovered poly" or something to that effect, Keith mentioned that we'd been swinging/in an open relationship for years... They just stared. Only the woman who facilitates the meetings would even meet our eyes when we brought it up. So, I think I'm going to stick to the swinging community to find friends (they seem to be much more open to OTHER alternative lifestyles), and possibly attend the poly events if/when I find myself in a more complex arrangement. Possibly.
 
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