Tough situation. There is a phrase/mentally that has to be let go for there to be progress here, "Happy wife, happy life" (hate that phrase).
To get a both partners needs met constructive friction will be needed. The relationship has almost 3 decades of built in ideals, history, beliefs, routines, etc and a common dynamics in long term relationship is the stricter partner will dictate a lot of what happens (food, house, clothing choices, etc). This dynamic does work for some people and for others it prevents growing together.
Counseling is a great first step and first you have to listen to each other and understand the emotions in the relationship. If only one person can hear the needs of another while the other only thinks of their wants and desire, no amount of counseling will help. It's the first key step to move forward and without it no suggestions will be heard to be able to move forward.
To get a both partners needs met constructive friction will be needed. The relationship has almost 3 decades of built in ideals, history, beliefs, routines, etc and a common dynamics in long term relationship is the stricter partner will dictate a lot of what happens (food, house, clothing choices, etc). This dynamic does work for some people and for others it prevents growing together.
Counseling is a great first step and first you have to listen to each other and understand the emotions in the relationship. If only one person can hear the needs of another while the other only thinks of their wants and desire, no amount of counseling will help. It's the first key step to move forward and without it no suggestions will be heard to be able to move forward.