Need help with ENM Consent Agreement

[tdh]

Tough situation. There is a phrase/mentally that has to be let go for there to be progress here, "Happy wife, happy life" (hate that phrase).

To get a both partners needs met constructive friction will be needed. The relationship has almost 3 decades of built in ideals, history, beliefs, routines, etc and a common dynamics in long term relationship is the stricter partner will dictate a lot of what happens (food, house, clothing choices, etc). This dynamic does work for some people and for others it prevents growing together.

Counseling is a great first step and first you have to listen to each other and understand the emotions in the relationship. If only one person can hear the needs of another while the other only thinks of their wants and desire, no amount of counseling will help. It's the first key step to move forward and without it no suggestions will be heard to be able to move forward.

 

[FallenAngelina]

While sex is important, commitment to my wife is priority. It is a concept that many don’t understand.

I disagree. Everyone understands commitment and everyone is committed. People vary on what they commit to, not on the concept of commitment.

I divorced at 55 over the issue of sexuality because my sexuality became a high priority for me. I've since run into so very many older men who are hanging on in sexless marriages and clearly, their sexuality is not a high priority. I understand commitment plenty well, I just do not value remaining in a marriage at all costs, especially if the cost involves sacrificing an aspect of life that I have come to see as essential. I have no problem committing to loved ones, community organizations or romantic partners, but I do not value hanging onto a marriage that has no sexual vitality. To me, that is a sham marriage, not an act of valor.