Need Some Advice...
- Thread starter Hades36
- Start date
PLove, thank you for your update. It helps me understand my wife better. For me, that fact that you love your man enough to just meet her and try to understand, even if you say, "I can't do this," in the end, is PRICELESS. I too am very sorry for the affair and sneaking around behind my wife's back all that time. But like it's stated in the book Sex at Dawn, most cheaters still love their mates. Not an excuse to justify bad actions, just some information. I pray that every day this path gets better and better for you all.
Also, I love all of you for helping us all that are in this situation. Just needed to say that.
Also, I love all of you for helping us all that are in this situation. Just needed to say that.
True2Self--I will say that the fact that we are all being open and honest now is a huge factor for me in this. I've told both my husband and his girlfriend that honesty and openness is the most important thing to me right now, and any signs of things going on behind my back are going to make me close right up and feel like this is never going to work.
The one thing I've become very clear about is that I don't want or need lies in my life. I expend too much energy on trying to uncover what's going on, feeling bad about myself, etc., and that's just not how I want to live. I can deal with just about anything if I know the truth.
I also feel like this is something where I have the right to make a choice. If I want to open up my relationship, then that's fine. But cheating is just a way of opening up a relationship without the knowledge of both parties, and that's really disrespectful and unfair.
The one thing I've become very clear about is that I don't want or need lies in my life. I expend too much energy on trying to uncover what's going on, feeling bad about myself, etc., and that's just not how I want to live. I can deal with just about anything if I know the truth.
I also feel like this is something where I have the right to make a choice. If I want to open up my relationship, then that's fine. But cheating is just a way of opening up a relationship without the knowledge of both parties, and that's really disrespectful and unfair.
IndieSolo
Active member
PLove, it is good to read how you are taking care of yourself while still considering such a new (and very likely shocking) possible stage in your relationship. I agree that everything going forward must be transparent and out in the open for any of it to work.
You may want to read the blogs section and look for TruckerPete's story. Also search for posts by Vodkafan. I think both members' perspectives might inspire and inform you.
You may want to read the blogs section and look for TruckerPete's story. Also search for posts by Vodkafan. I think both members' perspectives might inspire and inform you.
Hades36
New member
Ah, my dear wife. She just told me about this post and I had to laugh. Always several steps ahead of me.
Anyway, let me clarify. My gf and I never actually had sex in any form, but our connection and interactions were still romantic. My wife's willingness to meet with the "other woman," and the fact that they like each other, has me feeling really good and even more deeply in love with my wife than I was before. She is an amazing woman.
Anyway, let me clarify. My gf and I never actually had sex in any form, but our connection and interactions were still romantic. My wife's willingness to meet with the "other woman," and the fact that they like each other, has me feeling really good and even more deeply in love with my wife than I was before. She is an amazing woman.
IndieSolo
Active member
Hi again, Hades. Sorry about the misunderstanding re the GF. When you wrote that you "kept it secret, cheated for a while," I made an assumption that it was sexual. Well, perhaps "emotional cheating" could be somewhat less difficult to deal with and heal from.
Just want to say that it's obvious both of you love each other and will do what you can to avoid needlessly hurting the other.
Just want to say that it's obvious both of you love each other and will do what you can to avoid needlessly hurting the other.
LovingRadiance
Active member
Generally, amidst great resentment and pain.
Welcome to the board. You have a huge heart. You deserve a gentle welcome.
I was the cheater.
My husband Maca was the one more in your shoes (except he's absolutely straight and I cheated with a man).Plove, our situation was much more horrible than what you and Hades have described. I'm not saying yours isn't very very painful, just admitting I was much more of a screw-up than Hades appears to have been. But, somehow, we managed to get through most of it. It's taken 18 months to find a reasonable balance, but we have.
If you have any questions, or need suggestions or help understanding something, please, feel free to PM me (either of you).