New and contemplating polyamory

[Shadowchaser]

I was raised a strict catholic and experienced the pain of my father committing adultery on my mother by betraying her for two years, then leaving when I was fifteen. I was devastated. I have had a string of relationships where I don't trust the other person due to my background and a failed marriage (due to emotional neglect) which I left.

I am now in a relationship with a man who I love but who I have found uses porn and has been a cheater in the past.

I am tortured by feelings of suspicion and wariness about whether he will cheat in the future. At the same time I am aware that I am deeply unhappy about my belief in sexual monogamy as I have felt that this isn't a natural thing and that love is not necessarily tied to sexual fidelity. That sex can be something to be shared amongst others does seem right to me but I am also very aware that the value system I grew up with is opposite to this.

I have many pagan friends and see their lifestyle as free, unrepressed and psychologically less tortured than my own. I grew up repressed and believing that marriage with one man and one woman sex only with that person was the only way. I think differently now.

Can anyone recommend reading on the pagan lifestyle and polyamory. I feel that polyamory seems more natural than monogamy but do not know how I would handle the emotions of sexual jealously should I take on this lifestyle. I do think that this would be a positive step as I feel love takes on many forms and is non-possessive.

 

[BlackUnicorn]

Hello and welcome!

You could start by looking around these forums. There is a thread about recommended reading, and a whole section on religion and spirituality, which might help you connect with some practicing pagans who are also polyamorous.

I am slightly concerned with how you describe your current relationship. A lot of people have conditioned themselves to masturbating with porn, and I guess most people at least take a look sometimes. Was it the content material of the porn he watches, or the fact that he is watching something you consider distasteful that upset you? I find the content of 98 % of porn out there highly disturbing, but watching it or even getting off on it doesn't mean he would like to do that in real life.

Is his porn habit something that interferes with his daily life or your relationship?

Anyone here will tell you that it is a very bad idea to attempt transition from monogamy to polyamory if your relationship is on the rocks.