Hello all,
A little background on me is in order.
I've been with my gf for a little over 2 years. 1.5 years as a monogamous couple. 7 months apart. 6 months as... whatever we are now. I'm still monogamous. She's not. She sees her ex-bf regularly. He was a non-factor for the first year and a half. She was happy to be away from him when we met. He wasn't relationship material. On-again off-again status for years. History. Then he reemerges, seeing one of her friends.
She's definitely interested in him. Not "obsessed", but she focuses a lot of attention on him. That grows and becomes a burden after she met up with him (not behind my back). We finally reach a boiling point where I confront her. She stopped denying that she had feelings still, but made it clear she didn't want a relationship with him. Where did that leave me? She didn't know. She loved me, wanted to be with me, but so confused. Clearly. That was tough. Realizing she these feelings were strong enough that's she'd jeopardize our relationship. I broke up with her. She told me she was "sorry," but made not attempt to stop me from leaving.
We didn't speak for two months and I wouldn't have made the first move. She texted me out of the blue that she missed me, and I let my guard down. Long story short, I love her deeply. I believe she loves me equally. I believe she's honest and was always honest. I really do not have every thing figured out, but I did get back together with her. And I did so knowing that, she didn't want a monogamous relationship.
What I need to find is a way to get a grasp on the feelings. Not to stifle positive or negative emotions/thoughts, but to balance them out. At the moment I feel such inconsistency from day to day. Today I may be full of jealousy. I may ask why this and why not that? How could you? Cringe every time the thought of them together crosses my mind. Like my hands are tied, and someone is entering my space. Tomorrow I may wake up next to her and enjoy that moment for what it is. Focus entirely on how I feel about her and how she feels about me. Realizing that it's her choice to be there with me as it's also mine to be there with her. This choice we've made to be together, is far superior to any bond of necessity. I actually love that feeling. I didn't expect that when I entered in to this relationship, I'd gain something from it's new structure. There's an opposite side to that coin, though.
And that is my intro? I suppose. I've found a great deal of advice and stories I can relate to while browsing the forum. Hopefully I can contribute and give back.
Thanks.
A little background on me is in order.
I've been with my gf for a little over 2 years. 1.5 years as a monogamous couple. 7 months apart. 6 months as... whatever we are now. I'm still monogamous. She's not. She sees her ex-bf regularly. He was a non-factor for the first year and a half. She was happy to be away from him when we met. He wasn't relationship material. On-again off-again status for years. History. Then he reemerges, seeing one of her friends.
She's definitely interested in him. Not "obsessed", but she focuses a lot of attention on him. That grows and becomes a burden after she met up with him (not behind my back). We finally reach a boiling point where I confront her. She stopped denying that she had feelings still, but made it clear she didn't want a relationship with him. Where did that leave me? She didn't know. She loved me, wanted to be with me, but so confused. Clearly. That was tough. Realizing she these feelings were strong enough that's she'd jeopardize our relationship. I broke up with her. She told me she was "sorry," but made not attempt to stop me from leaving.
We didn't speak for two months and I wouldn't have made the first move. She texted me out of the blue that she missed me, and I let my guard down. Long story short, I love her deeply. I believe she loves me equally. I believe she's honest and was always honest. I really do not have every thing figured out, but I did get back together with her. And I did so knowing that, she didn't want a monogamous relationship.
What I need to find is a way to get a grasp on the feelings. Not to stifle positive or negative emotions/thoughts, but to balance them out. At the moment I feel such inconsistency from day to day. Today I may be full of jealousy. I may ask why this and why not that? How could you? Cringe every time the thought of them together crosses my mind. Like my hands are tied, and someone is entering my space. Tomorrow I may wake up next to her and enjoy that moment for what it is. Focus entirely on how I feel about her and how she feels about me. Realizing that it's her choice to be there with me as it's also mine to be there with her. This choice we've made to be together, is far superior to any bond of necessity. I actually love that feeling. I didn't expect that when I entered in to this relationship, I'd gain something from it's new structure. There's an opposite side to that coin, though.
And that is my intro? I suppose. I've found a great deal of advice and stories I can relate to while browsing the forum. Hopefully I can contribute and give back.
Thanks.
